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Wednesday 5 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

#21053635
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37510) - you deserved it (4250)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by fuckmyplums (man) - Austria (Salzburg)

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37275) - you deserved it (42459)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML

#21052048
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36402) - you deserved it (7542)

On 02/06/2014 at 1:57am - love - by a2 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

#21056589
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36255) - you deserved it (16387)

On 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm - misc - by QueueJumper (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35896) - you deserved it (6349)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35712) - you deserved it (15178)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

#21055534
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33122) - you deserved it (4024)

On 02/09/2014 at 4:59pm - love - by blushingbride - United States (Georgia)

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

#21054564
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32277) - you deserved it (17070)

On 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm - misc - by fuck you, dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

#21050272
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29743) - you deserved it (14850)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

#21057961
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23531) - you deserved it (35338) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/12/2014 at 4:47am - work - by Anonyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22800) - you deserved it (48671)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

#21056453
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20642) - you deserved it (38787)

On 02/10/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



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