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Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

#12959590
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30247) - you deserved it (2949)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:35am - misc - by Nothingonyou - Sent from mobile version

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

#17715893
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36858) - you deserved it (2949)

On 09/11/2011 at 12:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

#20484554
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29359) - you deserved it (2949)

On 01/29/2013 at 9:51am - health - by oh no (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

#17602503
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30019) - you deserved it (2948)

On 08/28/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by CooBerry3851 - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

#17499857
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38471) - you deserved it (2948)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

#16935990
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27767) - you deserved it (2948)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:27pm - misc - by tbalboa - United States

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

#18374727
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23235) - you deserved it (2948)

On 11/28/2011 at 10:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45392) - you deserved it (2948)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26597) - you deserved it (2948)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

#4156850
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34938) - you deserved it (2947)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I called my boss and said "I have been awake since 3am throwing up." He replied with "Great, see you at 9" and hung up. FML

#14638505
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29693) - you deserved it (2947)

On 01/19/2011 at 12:31pm - work - by gb739 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29333) - you deserved it (2947)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)



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