Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

by MT / 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm / Finland / Love

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

by jackzz / 04/09/2015 at 3:55am / Vietnam (Dac Lac) / Work

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous co-worker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added the color was fitting perfectly with my acne... I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

by 1nfected / 08/26/2009 at 1:07pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

by badenoughflowers / 01/14/2013 at 10:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

by Experience / 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

by bluerhhajfk / 08/19/2013 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 5:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

by manderpander21 / 03/16/2015 at 8:56pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

by henhouse / 07/18/2015 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

by klv8 / 02/07/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 2:38pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my dad finally told me why he never paid child support to my mom when he was supposed to for the last ten years. His reason? Because I'm a girl and I wasn't that important. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 8:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous