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Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

#21312082
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29496) - you deserved it (3062)

On 12/05/2014 at 4:00pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

#21386410
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27177) - you deserved it (3062)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:51am - health - by RomanceFail - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML

#5408383
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46698) - you deserved it (3061)

On 09/22/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by wait..what (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41216) - you deserved it (3061)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

#19557308
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27653) - you deserved it (3060)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:02am - intimacy - by epicsquishii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

#21244545
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38631) - you deserved it (3060)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

#21379759
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30680) - you deserved it (3060)

On 03/22/2015 at 9:58pm - kids - by Mary C. (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

#6646444
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28581) - you deserved it (3059)

On 12/07/2009 at 3:54am - animals - by SeeMeInTheDark (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

#13836809
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30002) - you deserved it (3059)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:39am - misc - by ugly (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

#20720453
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61090) - you deserved it (3059)

On 06/11/2013 at 10:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35250) - you deserved it (3059)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37820) - you deserved it (3059)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)



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