Work: Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I... - FML

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

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Out of it

BO Central

Trading places

By Raspution

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

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By Jammy238 - France

Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML

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By really - United States - Bonney Lake

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

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By lockedoutbabysitter - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

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By not the cook - United States - Wernersville

Today, I found out that my restaurant's food is so bad that the only reason some people visit is because they're punishing their kids. FML

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By Anonymous

Instadrama

Today, after suspecting that my boyfriend was cheating while I was out of town, I came across an Instagram picture of him with another girl. I found out that he told her he was single. When I confronted him in a comment, the girl’s friend replied, "He clearly likes her more than you." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2021 07:30 - Australia - Geraldton

Talking Heads song playing?

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

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By notaprossie - South Africa

Today, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Collect your free drink at the bar.' I didn't dress up. FML

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By S. Tucker - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

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By accountingclown

Today, I travelled cross-country to interview for my dream job. The team seemed to love me and I had a lot of fun. In the airport on the way home I saw a news report that the company is closing. FML

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By PghSportsNation - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

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By msjustine - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

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By orangechicken - United States - New Hudson

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

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By guy - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

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By sillyrabbit - United States

Today, after I had filled up my car and got into it I saw a cute guy running towards me. I flashed a smile and left the door open and said "hey" when he was next to me. He said, "the pump is still attached to your car, you really should be more careful." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, an old lady asked me the way to the shopping mall. The shopping mall was not too far away, but I could see that the lady could barely walk so I offered to drive her there. She smacked my car's door into a pole while getting in my car. She didn't even notice that she'd done something wrong. FML

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By TerribleAddiction - United States

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

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By UnicornWaffles - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

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By BarbieKen - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

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By Anonymous

Pennies From Heaven

Today, I bought some shoes, but pissed off the lady working at the store by returning them 5 minutes later. She yelled at me and ripped my receipt in half, everyone in the store watched as she threw a handful of pennies at my face. FML

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By otherdad?

Today, I tried to explain my 8-year-old son that my fiancée was going to be his stepmother. Little did I know, he watched Coraline last week. Now he thinks she's his "other mother" and won't go anywhere near her. FML

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By conspicuous - United States - Baton Rouge

Making an entrance

Today, I was late for class. I have extreme social anxiety, so I quietly slipped into the huge, packed auditorium, trying to be as quiet as possible. When I was almost to my seat, I accidentally kicked a teacher's coffee down the steps. The entire class looked at me and some clapped. FML

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By privatebathroomneeded - United States - San Francisco

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

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By DamnDominoes - United Arab Emirates

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was passed over for the job of my dreams. I now have to watch as a girl I have on Facebook - a total moron - boasts daily about scoring the position instead. Turns out the interviewer was her uncle. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

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By Wet dreamer

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

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By thyella87 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

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By f.m.

Today, I took my driving test. I was nervous, but I thought I followed the rules of the road pretty well. My tester ended up failing me for "backing out too slowly". FML

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By Anonymous

Misunderstanding

Today, my boss sent me to remove a tree from a client's home. So I went and cut down the tree, only for my boss to show up an hour later, speechless. I was supposed to remove a sapling that had sprouted through the driveway tarmac, not the 100-year-old prizewinning Japanese cherry tree. FML

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By TooInnocent - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

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By Rayvyn - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

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Top comments

By sarabraun8 | 7

#1745887 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:58

haha deserved

By hashmita | 0

#1745891 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:59

Seriously, stop stalking him.

COMMENTS

By sarabraun8 | 7

#1745887 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:58

haha deserved

Reply

xXgUeSsWhAtXx | 9

#1745906 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:03

well....ARE you?

Reply

MRiKiCCS | 0

#1745909 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:05

lol this wouldnt happen if you were hot.

Reply

ThePillow | 0

#1745940 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:18

#8 is stupid, and everyone has to realize that OP never said she was stalking.

Reply

bailes_o_hay | 0

#1745975 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 20:08

she never denied it either... hmmm

Reply

babyyappld | 7

#1746582 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 23:29

but wouldn't he have to be stalking her in order to know her password so that he could change it?

Reply

sarabraun8 | 7

#1746599 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 23:38

she told him her password herself. reread it

Reply

boomsl4ng | 11

#1747102 - Thursday 25 November 2010 2:18

reading before posting would be nice!! if you're stalking him, ydi! if not, well, you can always speak to him! lol

Reply

biuefire | 0

#1748054 - Thursday 25 November 2010 7:15

although... kinda a stupid way to get her to stop stalking.. now she HAS to stalk him for the password.

Reply

bamagrl410 | 31

#1748533 - Thursday 25 November 2010 9:26

I agree with 60 haha.

The first thing that came to mind reading this was: owned. OP, YDI for stalking your co-worker. If you like him that much, just talk to him or ask him out. You just blew any chance you might have had...

Reply

creamofwheat | 4

#1760050 - Saturday 27 November 2010 19:34

Step 1) Go to school,
Step 2) Learn the ABCs,
Step 3) Learn mechanics, syntax, and grammar of the English language,
Step 4) Re-read the OP's story.

Reply

facilitator | 0

#2214482 - Monday 21 March 2011 4:56

I know my syntax, it's C4 stuffed in a tube sock covered in axle grease. don't make me your enemy.

Reply

iBiteRoses | 22

#3965438 - Monday 30 January 2012 8:44

Shweet

Reply

shinersaboss | 0

#4744420 - Saturday 28 July 2012 16:10

What does OP Stand for??

By DaveP | 0

#1745889 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:58

well...stop stalking him

By hashmita | 0

#1745891 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:59

Seriously, stop stalking him.

Reply

FMLrey | 0

#1747224 - Thursday 25 November 2010 2:50

srsly, your ugly as sht

By Save_Bandit | 5

#1745892 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:59

do you actually stalk him?

Reply

Fmelikeuhateme | 24

#6678628 - Friday 26 August 2016 19:11

I think that the reason he knew he could get her password just by asking it confirms it.

By little_lyn | 0

#1745893 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 18:59

stop stalking him then

By iamthespider | 0

#1745903 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:02

Wow, these comments are all so very clever and original. YDI for being a creeper!!!

By windfuelsfire | 10

#1745911 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:06

I have some very valuable feedback to offer.. stop stalking him!

By CrazyManNo9 | 29

#1745913 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:06

You be pwned!

By KittehSayzRAWR | 0

#1745915 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:07

I'd also check your Facebook once you get your account back...

Reply

nathan5 | 0

#1745988 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 20:23

Frape!

Reply

alex1502 | 0

#1747436 - Thursday 25 November 2010 3:58

lol

By lilbill_4eva | 0

#1745931 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:14

genious!

Reply

catatonicsleep | 17

#1745944 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 19:20

*genius, genius!

Reply

darkblonde | 0

#1746149 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 21:38

Or perhaps ingenious! :D