The Top

OP here. Just to set things straight, we'd only been dating for about 3 weeks and weren't lifelong friends before that or anything. My dog I've had for 7 years, so yeah, he won. I agree that if it had been the other way around I would have deserved it. The whole thing came up when we were sitting on the couch and I was rubbing my dog's back. Psycho chick then asked why I wasn't rubbing hers instead and asked who I cared for more and choose. "'Cause you can only have one!" Now I have none :(. Still looking for my dog.

By maggie - 30/11/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 822

You deserved it 8 901

Freakout

By Pk45 - 11/11/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 928

You deserved it 8 292

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 04:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 623

You deserved it 21 662

By myself - 20/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 482

You deserved it 31 271

By rejected4555 - 03/08/2012 12:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 210

You deserved it 6 336

By whywouldyoudothat - 07/10/2014 01:14 - United States - Kingman

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 458

You deserved it 4 848

2019x tells us more.

2019x 5

Wednesday 8 October 2014 2:38

Are you gay?

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:30 - Switzerland - Corminboeuf

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 783

You deserved it 3 774

By Deconstructed - 19/05/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 126

You deserved it 28 019

By nothingdoes - 27/10/2010 17:59 - United States

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymed with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 995

You deserved it 3 018

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "What birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 404

You deserved it 31 261

By mymomsstupid - 29/06/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to the news that my mom's in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 206

You deserved it 3 744

By EFFED4LIFE - 11/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 125

You deserved it 13 447

By emilygreeny - 18/06/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 477

You deserved it 57 127

By ad4 - 31/01/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and "Sweet 16" balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I'll be 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 214

You deserved it 4 125

MVP

By birthday girl - 27/10/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 261

You deserved it 2 172

By beccabooyah - 20/11/2011 00:52 - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my newsfeed, I noticed a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to properly shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 758

You deserved it 38 732

By Alexis - 26/08/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 158

You deserved it 3 239

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The Top

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 595

You deserved it 13 419

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "Nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 313

You deserved it 73 532

Random

Today, I got really excited when I got an email from a guy I've been flirting with in my math class. Turns out he thinks I stole his calculator and wants it back immediately. There goes my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 394

You deserved it 3 599

Today, I helped my parents move out of their old house. While I was guiding my dad down the stairs with the couch, my mom asked me to pick up the tape on the step below me. I bent over and grunted. My dad thought I said "Go" and kept moving. He knocked me down two flights of steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 752

You deserved it 4 261

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict, and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 605

You deserved it 2 937

Today, despite having long hair and wearing makeup and a dress, I was still mistaken for a man several times. I'm a girl and I was born a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 044

You deserved it 200

Today, I have a new guitar on its way. I forgot to make up a story, so now my wife won't be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 1 641

Today, I had to spend five days at work, as we were expecting a snow storm and my position must be staffed at all times. My boss stocked the fridges with food, which sounds nice, but it was all frozen dinners and junk food. I've had so much diarrhea that my asshole is chapped and bleeds when I wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 90