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By Grossed_out - 05/03/2010 03:51 - United States

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 300

You deserved it 3 750

By Myboyfriendisaromanticslob - 10/03/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 444

You deserved it 6 476

Snoopy

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 974

You deserved it 9 038

By loneliness - 30/12/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, I realized I want school to start again so that I won't be sitting alone in my room all day anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 137

You deserved it 7 375

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 25/08/2012 00:20 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 923

You deserved it 8 188

Cool moves, bro

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 09:45

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 390

You deserved it 5 700

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 23:53 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 999

You deserved it 5 856

Prank wars

By Divorcemenow - 17/07/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 662

You deserved it 6 976

Disneyworld

By onlyme - 25/10/2012 02:36 - United States

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 429

You deserved it 34 810

Read and learn

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 08:06 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 459

You deserved it 4 429

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at a concert. It was dark and everyone was singing and waving their lit-up phones in the air. I was having a great time, until someone snatched my £200 phone out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 447

You deserved it 12 041

Go home dad, you're drunk

By DogDoingScience - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into my father. He was drunk and singing in the street. At 1:25pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 882

You deserved it 2 778

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 15:53 - France

Today, I went to the airport with my mom, who requested a wheelchair for me, since I have a broken leg. I'm 24. Embarrassed, I insisted I push myself around, instead of an airline assistant doing it. A few seconds later, I crash into the same airline assistant, who then falls back into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 132

You deserved it 29 826

By Iloverainbows10 - 18/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 620

You deserved it 5 553

Iloverainbows10 tells us more.

Iloverainbows10 1

Wednesday 18 December 2013 20:15

He wasnt always like this. Used to listen and talk. Now hands are just being thrown up in the air. Says he doesnt know how to handle fights.

Very informative!

By student414 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 313

You deserved it 30 871

By randomnamehere - 27/07/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 844

You deserved it 3 375

By Nana - 22/10/2012 15:39 - Sweden - Skellefte

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 8 526

By poppet2010 - 17/01/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 740

You deserved it 2 855

Full support

By dumpedchick - 25/06/2009 02:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed, so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends, and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 460

You deserved it 3 660

By This Guy - 26/09/2011 17:18 - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 2 536

By yogapants - 24/09/2010 20:21 - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 264

You deserved it 14 876

Kinky

By sad_dad - 24/10/2009 17:35 - Canada

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower. Instead, I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 279

You deserved it 10 366

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 148

You deserved it 3 959

Good girl

By Punphmelch - 26/03/2014 08:45 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I'm most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 557

You deserved it 5 710

By Señor Guapo - 04/03/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 734

You deserved it 45 421

You had one job!

By dgilbs - 12/11/2012 22:08 - United States - Grosse Pointe

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 423

You deserved it 55 353

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 568

You deserved it 3 517

Caught in 1080p

By wtf - 16/05/2014 22:25 - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 668

You deserved it 15 011

By JuicyJohn - 09/09/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 390

You deserved it 53 705

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 15:43 - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 889

You deserved it 7 444

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The Top

Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 184

You deserved it 26 824

Today, as always, my mom loudly asked me if I'd brushed my teeth, then replied to my yes with, “I don’t believe you.” All because I forgot to brush my teeth once when I was 5. I’m 17 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 74

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 540

You deserved it 4 776

Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 199

You deserved it 3 334

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 788

You deserved it 735

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 888

You deserved it 2 916