Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone....

By beccabooyah - 20/11/2011 00:52 - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my news feed, I notice a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML

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Miscellaneous

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Who's a good boy?

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 14/9/2013 21:51 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my 16-year-old cousin came to visit for the week. So far, she's said "raunchy", "cray-cray", "legit", and "like" an uncountable number of times. She's only been here for a half hour. FML

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By ugh - 1/6/2014 22:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2019 14:00 - United States - Buffalo

Bisexual!

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML

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By SlappyMcGee - 8/1/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

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By embarrassed - 4/1/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

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By Xabeix - 3/6/2019 08:00 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I got a rejection letter after I filed a claim regarding potholes on a high speed road that damaged my vehicle. Two of my tires and very expensive Honda mags, worth 1000$ each, are done for. Meanwhile, the city claims they're working hard to fix the roads. It's been 3 weeks, the potholes are still there and the city says they're not at fault. FML

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By Username - 11/7/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

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By theholt - 1/3/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

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By Casden - 13/9/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

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By bakedplum - 1/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

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By - 7/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

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By SimpleSimon - 1/7/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

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By shoopbadeewoop - 8/3/2014 21:43

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

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By _akwardsituation - 1/1/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

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By Fabio - 29/7/2016 00:13 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML

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By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

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By Creeped out - 28/1/2013 08:14 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

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By riptoofie - 16/1/2010 21:36 - United States

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

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By James C - 18/4/2012 08:48 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied "I create adverts." She then yelled, "F**k you" and left. FML

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By EpicFail - 4/2/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

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By Jonny - 9/1/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

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By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - 22/9/2018 05:30 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

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By James - 12/8/2011 07:54 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

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By crunch time - 1/1/2018 19:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Nice.

Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML

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By fuck you, Jeff - 25/4/2014 23:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2014 16:12 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

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By cheap - 18/6/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

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By omgitserika - 18/11/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML

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By DangerousDriver - 3/7/2017 22:10

Today, while delivering for a building supply company, I was sent to an incorrect address. I attempted to turn around and got the 24-foot truck stuck in the mud. The homeowner left for work and then called the cops, saying someone was trespassing on his property. FML

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By Embarrassed - 1/10/2010 13:06 - United States

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 16:13 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML

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By Is that..? - 17/7/2014 03:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 07:09 - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 07:26

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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By Boss Troubles - 17/3/2015 06:12 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

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By wardsl195 - 30/12/2016 05:55 - United States - Seaford

Today, a guy came to install a modem in my apartment. He needed to get to the jack behind my TV stand, so I helped him move it. Once the stand was moved, I saw a used condom that was hidden underneath. My cat must have pulled it out of my garbage weeks ago. There's no way the guy didn't see it. FML

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By Sydney - 15/1/2013 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

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By madfather - 23/2/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

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Top comments

By mpsteve137 | 15

#3609661 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:25

Crap on his face, take a picture of it, put it on facebook. Tag him as a shitty brother

By jordinomoose | 0

#3609629 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:20

Haha classic!

COMMENTS

By jordinomoose | 0

#3609629 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:20

Haha classic!

kapippenger | 0

#3609769 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:51

^That must have taken you a while to come up with..

xlord | 27

#3609923 - Sunday 20 November 2011 10:46

Everyone is fucked up. How can someone ever 'deserve it' in which they are privately taken a half nude photo off and then posted online without their knowledge?
In their own home as well......

MizzErikaHart | 8

#3610023 - Sunday 20 November 2011 11:45

Watch out for snowballs

RavagedSoul | 0

#3610153 - Sunday 20 November 2011 13:37

You can say the YDI part about finding out about cheating and other rare scenarios. For this one to be a YDI I guess it would be for not closing the door knowing other people are at home or for being too lazy to. Another reason is being too engrossed with Facebook. Either way it's all simply one's opinion.

xosportsgirl14x | 8

#3610267 - Sunday 20 November 2011 14:39

That's creepy that your BROTHER did that. If it was a husband or something then maybe I could understand, but I'm pretty sure most siblings would be uncomfortable seeing their siblings half naked. But that's just my opinion.

FarSide | 22

#3610372 - Sunday 20 November 2011 15:30

@58: Only if your sister is 400 lbs.

ShakeMeDown | 12

#3610459 - Sunday 20 November 2011 16:04

58- Winsest

Jimster1712 | 0

#3610481 - Sunday 20 November 2011 16:19

The sequel to 'Sitin on tha toilet'

max400 | 0

#3610530 - Sunday 20 November 2011 16:30

33- It's a YDI because the moronic OP forgot to shut the door. How stupid do you have to be to manage that?

tweetypie | 18

#3610797 - Sunday 20 November 2011 17:54

When you gotta go, you gotta go! No time for locking doors. Usually when I'm on the toilet I'm not worried about people taking pictures of me so I leave the door unlocked.

jordinomoose | 0

#3611359 - Sunday 20 November 2011 20:33

It didn't take very long to think of..you got me! What were you going for with that comment?

4Legend | 0

#3611898 - Sunday 20 November 2011 23:19

40- Ha, they're talking about another FML

By Aboode007 | 0

#3609638 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:21

LOL. You totally deserve it.

jellyD | 1

#3609818 - Sunday 20 November 2011 10:04

Yeah,
OP you serial deserve it. If you can't focus enough to close the bathroom door, well TFB.

_Oblivion_ | 12

#3610364 - Sunday 20 November 2011 15:30

^ Badass can't spell.

MyMilkShake2Yard | 0

#3610367 - Sunday 20 November 2011 15:30

Lol I'm in the bathroom right now reading this, just dropping the kids at the pool

MyMilkShake2Yard | 0

#3610369 - Sunday 20 November 2011 15:30

Lol I'm in the bathroom right now reading this, just dropping the kids at the pool

fluorescentadole_fml | 8

#3612733 - Monday 21 November 2011 2:45

hahahahaa

baconstrips | 12

#3613753 - Monday 21 November 2011 7:48

I agree, how the fuck do you forget to close the door?!

By leadman1989 | 15

#3609649 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:22

Doing dumb shit is the number one killer of dumb people.

ProjeKtSC2 | 8

#3610052 - Sunday 20 November 2011 12:00

Words of wisdom..

leadman1989 | 15

#3610333 - Sunday 20 November 2011 15:15

I am pretty fucking wise.

AlexanderSilver | 0

#3611471 - Sunday 20 November 2011 21:03

That...or chlamydia...

HahaYDI | 0

#3613484 - Monday 21 November 2011 5:36

More like the... "number two" reason!

Notimetobleed | 13

#3613720 - Monday 21 November 2011 7:37

No 106. You're wrong.

Torva_fml | 16

#3618646 - Tuesday 22 November 2011 5:14

134- feel free to try posting funny comments! I'd love to read something entertaining from you.

By Dredre15 | 0

#3609660 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:24

Lol thats some shit right there

By mpsteve137 | 15

#3609661 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:25

Crap on his face, take a picture of it, put it on facebook. Tag him as a shitty brother

Awsumuzzie | 12

#3610220 - Sunday 20 November 2011 14:27

44, how else do you aim for the can?

hollyau17 | 0

#3610473 - Sunday 20 November 2011 16:11

Bahahaha that's hilarious

Wozuh | 5

#3610759 - Sunday 20 November 2011 17:40

44- What?

sparkman97 | 7

#3612447 - Monday 21 November 2011 1:46

They see me trollin'.... They hatin'...

By Masterolie | 6

#3609664 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:25

Aha that was funny

By hellonyancat | 6

#3609670 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:26

How do you forget to shut the bathroom door exactly? Oh well, I don't think you deserved that regardless. Brothers are mean.

loludunnomeee | 18

#3612086 - Monday 21 November 2011 0:31

Report as inappropriate. Done.

tinydanzr | 6

#3612466 - Monday 21 November 2011 1:51

My brother did the same thing to me...

biasedshooter | 24

#3616619 - Monday 21 November 2011 23:30

I have a feeling #7 has never had a sister before...

By 97currie | 0

#3609671 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:26

How do you just forget to shut the door, bro?

FarSide | 22

#3610401 - Sunday 20 November 2011 15:40

A subconscious message to her brother.

By xxkimmyt | 9

#3609675 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:27

Shit happens.

By xbella | 8

#3609683 - Sunday 20 November 2011 9:31

well, did you get any likes? lol