Kids: Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys... - FML

By superfkd - Canada

Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

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Dangling modifier

Messed up

Stay safe out there

By hannah - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

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By why - United States - Beachwood

Today, the family I was serving had ordered calamari and when I brought out the food, they started yelling at me because apparently their daughter was allergic to it. Just why would you order it then? FML

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By rene - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't kiss me because there was a picture of Superman on my shirt. FML

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By pigglepigglepiggle - United States

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

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By partypooper - United Kingdom

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

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By EOJ - United States

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

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By p!$$3D0FF - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roseburg

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

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By ipopnlok - Australia

Romance is dead

Today, I planned a romantic dinner with rose petals, the whole lot, for my ex-girlfriend to win her back. When I took her to my house, I told her to guess what I had planned, to which she replied, "I hope it's not a stupid romantic dinner with rose petals and shit." FML

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By Anonymous

Big Little Lies

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomfield

Are you OK?

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

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By James

Today, I asked the restaurant manager if he could arrange to deliver an engagement ring to me and my girlfriend with our desserts. Desserts came, no ring. That guy wasn’t the manager, just a guy in a suit who legged it with my ring. FML

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By PCop - United States

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

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By thedeerman - United States

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

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By meggiemouse - United States

Today, marks the seventh day of having my nose pierced. I'd done everything I was supposed to do, even sleeping with a band-aid over it. This morning, I woke up to my piercing being ripped out by my pillow, and the band-aid nowhere in sight. FML

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By back to creepers - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

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By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

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By pickit - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

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By sadsadteacher - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to tell some of my students to stop eating glue. I teach high school. FML

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By shake666 - United States - Fremont

Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

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By JRLJLS - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Toledo

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

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By PrettyScared - United States - Matthews

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

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By Slaanesh - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

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By TheStroker

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

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By idonthavereligion - United States - Palmer

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

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By El Camino - United States

Territorial Pissings

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

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By littlefinger - United States - Foley

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

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By Teddy - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished moving to my new apartment that is 45 minutes away from my old one because my workplace would be closer. I then get a phone call from my boss telling me that he will transfer me to another workplace (closer to my old apartment). FML

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By no - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Albert Park

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

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By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, while sitting down on the dentist's chair, the tooth to be removed came out on its own. I still had to pay $50 for the cotton and advice. FML

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Top comments

By plethora | 3

#32688 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:41

Whether you have a boyfriend or not, how do you feel comfortable wearing bathers without fixing your bikini line? I cannot do that.

By ima_krackerr | 0

#32629 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

hahahah.. gotta love kids

COMMENTS

By ima_krackerr | 0

#32629 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

hahahah.. gotta love kids

Reply

PoopTrainDix | 0

#934358 - Thursday 11 March 2010 2:41

that's fuckin awesome!

Reply

fsxman1 | 11

#963966 - Friday 19 March 2010 7:25

that's hot!

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1021127 - Sunday 6 June 2010 3:38

go shave that beard

Reply

violetrider123 | 3

#2240746 - Friday 25 March 2011 17:15

the kid in your profile picture is adorable

Reply

nicoleclark | 0

#3588669 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 10:25

Bearded clam! lol

Reply

MissNicky_fml | 0

#4484871 - Saturday 26 May 2012 17:30

agreed

Reply

monkeyman2772 | 7

#5963609 - Monday 2 June 2014 22:29

aww, cute profile picture

By bellsy | 0

#32635 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:16

kids say the darndest things =)
haha what was your reaction though??

Reply

yumyumpower | 16

#6110060 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 6:15

What was your reaction

By Emm_fml | 0

#32644 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:36

Haha Feel kinda sorry for you :)

By Rickytw100 | 0

#32652 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:52

Wow don't you just love little kids!

By suckerz | 0

#32661 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:06

I hate it when girls only take care of their hygiene when they are in a relationship... you so deserved that... why shouldn't you take care of your bikini line cuz you broke up with your bf??? that's just gross...

By Tehalon | 0

#32667 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:23

Bwahahaha, good one!

By cypher_sonic | 0

#32679 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:32

Let's wait ten years and let's see the kid's reaction when he finally realizes what he's done.

By Art_Vandeley | 0

#32686 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:39

Eeeeewwwwww

By plethora | 3

#32688 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:41

Whether you have a boyfriend or not, how do you feel comfortable wearing bathers without fixing your bikini line? I cannot do that.

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#5986005 - Monday 23 June 2014 22:51

so happy I am not a woman!

By zombiepeanut | 0

#32690 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:44

That sucks!