Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys... - FML

By superfkd - 15/3/2009 02:27 - Canada

Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42829

You deserved it

70118

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Clocked

Basic Instinct

By Jim - 9/10/2017 13:00

Today, I was walking to the bus for my first day at my new school. I tripped in the darkness and split my chin open and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3233

You deserved it

257

Tweet

Share

By fmymouth - 20/8/2015 04:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25690

You deserved it

4392

Tweet

Share

By Great - 29/5/2015 12:13 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27965

You deserved it

4544

Tweet

Share

By PhilDavisDied? - 30/9/2010 10:33 - France

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite rock songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11074

You deserved it

34850

Tweet

Share

By what even - 14/5/2015 22:17 - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33536

You deserved it

4815

Tweet

Share

By sandwhiched - 1/1/2015 08:52 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30547

You deserved it

4746

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34147

You deserved it

4947

Tweet

Share

By Amazon Ruined My Life - 28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1195

You deserved it

3288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/7/2015 19:09 - United States - Tampa

Today, my flight was at the other side of the airport. I ran to the gate, to find that the flight had moved to the other side of the airport. So I ran again to miss my plane by a minute. However I did get a new flight... at the other end of the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26946

You deserved it

1938

Tweet

Share

By curseyousuperman - 1/4/2015 16:20 - United States - Conway

Today, my self-esteem issues got me jealous of Superman's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23749

You deserved it

6639

Tweet

Share

By Wow - 23/12/2018 16:00

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2494

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27028

You deserved it

7755

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 18:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48403

You deserved it

5483

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/2/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34536

You deserved it

5864

Tweet

Share

By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46961

You deserved it

7208

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 06:00 - United States - Los Angeles

I'm sitting right here

Today, I got my nails done at a salon where everyone working there was Vietnamese. During my manicure, the manicurists talked about how ugly I was in their native tongue. They couldn't have known that I'd lived in Vietnam and I'm fluent in Vietnamese, but too chickenshit to speak up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1770

You deserved it

506

Tweet

Share

By angel grace - 15/2/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up feeling ill. My mom sent me to school anyway, and grounded me for "lying" about being sick. As soon as I got to school, I began vomiting blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5978

You deserved it

231

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:45 - Brunei Darussalam

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47699

You deserved it

3937

Tweet

Share

By CaityLovesBo - 5/2/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29532

You deserved it

3513

Tweet

Share

By Santa - 12/12/2011 21:45 - Canada

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42940

You deserved it

4391

Tweet

Share

By Vomit - 17/12/2018 05:00

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2269

You deserved it

188

Tweet

Share

By garage - 27/1/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27609

You deserved it

8547

Tweet

Share

By HELP - 7/6/2012 01:25 - United States

Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33323

You deserved it

4220

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/6/2020 05:05

A writer writes

Today, my boyfriend came across an old poem I wrote. I like to write horror stuff, but he was disturbed, called it “silly” and “sad”, and said he didn’t want to have a girlfriend who thinks about stuff like that. I'm now discouraged from becoming a writer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1454

You deserved it

174

Tweet

Share

By tkr - 6/2/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9896

You deserved it

39755

Tweet

Share

By alone - 14/2/2012 05:34 - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29666

You deserved it

21342

Tweet

Share

By Deadbed - 4/5/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1728

You deserved it

574

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:28

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88847

You deserved it

17287

Tweet

Share

By anyoi - 25/4/2012 22:43 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29192

You deserved it

3411

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/1/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I drove to buy new sneakers to work out and lose weight. Coming out of the store, I saw someone had parked too close to me. I had to beg a stranger to back my car out for me, because no matter how I tried, I couldn't get into the driver's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28343

You deserved it

10169

Tweet

Share

By Goosey - 12/12/2009 17:26 - United States

Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program which was shown at lunch today. I was being interviewed and at one point the reporter made me laugh. I have a goose laugh so everyone in the lunch room started laughing. Then they played it in slow motion. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31430

You deserved it

4223

Tweet

Share

By Tay - 17/2/2012 01:29 - Australia

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28445

You deserved it

2710

Tweet

Share

By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - 24/5/2014 00:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45179

You deserved it

3378

Tweet

Share

By sonja_n - 10/10/2019 23:00 - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1297

You deserved it

501

Tweet

Share

By Proof-Reader - 15/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20275

You deserved it

31716

Tweet

Share

By lance - 12/3/2010 12:10 - Canada

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24199

You deserved it

2450

Tweet

Share

By amiezingme - 26/7/2013 13:09 - United States - Swansboro

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63996

You deserved it

5516

Tweet

Share

By scammerssuck - 11/8/2012 09:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend received a scam email about her great uncle dying and leaving her money. She not only believed it, but she also used my credit card details for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31300

You deserved it

3075

Tweet

Share

By betrayed - 19/7/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109824

You deserved it

6388

Tweet

Share

By loves the smell of burning flesh - 1/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14617

You deserved it

62538

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By plethora | 3

#32688 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:41

Whether you have a boyfriend or not, how do you feel comfortable wearing bathers without fixing your bikini line? I cannot do that.

By ima_krackerr | 0

#32629 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

hahahah.. gotta love kids

COMMENTS

By ima_krackerr | 0

#32629 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:05

hahahah.. gotta love kids

Reply

PoopTrainDix | 0

#934358 - Thursday 11 March 2010 2:41

that's fuckin awesome!

Reply

fsxman1 | 11

#963966 - Friday 19 March 2010 7:25

that's hot!

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1021127 - Sunday 6 June 2010 3:38

go shave that beard

Reply

violetrider123 | 3

#2240746 - Friday 25 March 2011 17:15

the kid in your profile picture is adorable

Reply

nicoleclark | 0

#3588669 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 10:25

Bearded clam! lol

Reply

MissNicky_fml | 0

#4484871 - Saturday 26 May 2012 17:30

agreed

Reply

monkeyman2772 | 7

#5963609 - Monday 2 June 2014 22:29

aww, cute profile picture

By bellsy | 0

#32635 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:16

kids say the darndest things =)
haha what was your reaction though??

Reply

yumyumpower | 16

#6110060 - Wednesday 5 November 2014 6:15

What was your reaction

By Emm_fml | 0

#32644 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:36

Haha Feel kinda sorry for you :)

By Rickytw100 | 0

#32652 - Sunday 15 March 2009 12:52

Wow don't you just love little kids!

By suckerz | 0

#32661 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:06

I hate it when girls only take care of their hygiene when they are in a relationship... you so deserved that... why shouldn't you take care of your bikini line cuz you broke up with your bf??? that's just gross...

By Tehalon | 0

#32667 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:23

Bwahahaha, good one!

By cypher_sonic | 0

#32679 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:32

Let's wait ten years and let's see the kid's reaction when he finally realizes what he's done.

By Art_Vandeley | 0

#32686 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:39

Eeeeewwwwww

By plethora | 3

#32688 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:41

Whether you have a boyfriend or not, how do you feel comfortable wearing bathers without fixing your bikini line? I cannot do that.

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#5986005 - Monday 23 June 2014 22:51

so happy I am not a woman!

By zombiepeanut | 0

#32690 - Sunday 15 March 2009 13:44

That sucks!