Love: Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a...

By blondie - 24/03/2009 23:10 - Australia

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 996

You deserved it 87 969

Love

Taking stock

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

Facebook's moderation sucks

By Bonnie and Clyde - 08/05/2015 02:18 - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 770

You deserved it 9 198

By god - 29/04/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Livingston

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 143

You deserved it 5 520

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 149

You deserved it 4 551

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 17:30

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess.The first thing my son said was "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 742

You deserved it 330

By LesToiliettes - 25/03/2012 07:12 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 782

You deserved it 2 136

By Angry - 04/08/2009 20:21 - United States

Today, I found a pair of women's underwear in the laundry that wasn't mine. I confronted my boyfriend about it. They were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 828

You deserved it 7 158

By JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - 14/11/2014 00:21 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 939

You deserved it 2 827

By Heethersays - 03/07/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 316

You deserved it 7 626

By uni life - 15/05/2012 08:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 099

You deserved it 2 829

By 081013 - 02/03/2013 07:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 346

You deserved it 4 480

By insignificant - 29/10/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 865

You deserved it 3 331

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 03:27 - United States

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 278

You deserved it 34 930

By Burnt - 11/05/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 558

You deserved it 7 532

By NairyAGoodIdea - 15/01/2015 21:05 - United States

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 647

You deserved it 10 171

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 647

You deserved it 3 923

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 684

You deserved it 34 715

By Jaxter - 18/03/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 789

You deserved it 14 962

By thisistypical - 14/09/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband said he loaned to his "mother" actually went to the purchase of new lingerie for the woman he's cheating on me with. I just got the bill from the department store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 367

You deserved it 3 062

By welp - 27/12/2015 05:08 - United States - Grass Lake

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 453

You deserved it 1 341

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 08:38 - United States

Today, I found out I'm getting laid off. However, they're keeping my coworker who rarely shows up and sleeps all the time when he's there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 038

You deserved it 2 429

By loser - 20/05/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 636

You deserved it 615

Everybody wants to be a cat

By azouwa - 29/07/2017 05:00

Today, I caught my 10 year-old in the closet, naked, on his hands and knees, eating cat food straight from the bag. He'd torn a hole in the side of the bag, cat food was everywhere. We have plenty of food in the house, but he wants to be a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 480

By Ilovelife07 - 14/01/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 718

You deserved it 46 402

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 19:05 - United States - Brandon

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 630

You deserved it 4 636

Classic Dave

By not the mama - 24/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 70

By daddydaughterWTF - 02/08/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 444

You deserved it 2 605

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:43 - United States - Woodinville

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 572

You deserved it 3 679

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 175

Special announcement

By tired - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I'd been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 359

You deserved it 3 661

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 093

You deserved it 17 199

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 980

You deserved it 8 765

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 176

You deserved it 3 708

By Anonymous - 21/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 188

You deserved it 219

By imcold - 30/12/2012 07:32 - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 791

You deserved it 2 765

By imscrewed - 29/07/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 266

You deserved it 4 108

Weird interaction

By Yue - 23/11/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 407

You deserved it 2 606

By Stripperofthemall - 25/08/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 135

You deserved it 2 897

Nice.

By crunch time - 01/01/2018 19:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 6 481

By arekusa - 23/06/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 264

You deserved it 3 467

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Top comments

Beccabee 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:17

lol well if u weren't a dumb blond before...the impact of ur head to the wall might have changed that haha

Phillay632 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:17

Karma's a bitch. I'm sure he responded "...And you were saying?"

Beccabee 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:17

lol well if u weren't a dumb blond before...the impact of ur head to the wall might have changed that haha

redsox4021 0

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Saturday 1 May 2010 17:15

hey hey hey guys not every blonde is dumb ....just the women

McCamryn123 0

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Friday 30 July 2010 21:27

dumb blonde.

gorina 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:52

Bitchy brunettes.

Pinguini26 6

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Sunday 21 August 2011 21:36

That doesn't make you a dumb blonde. It just makes you kluzty.

Parky03 9

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Tuesday 6 November 2012 6:26

In actually into blondes. I find them pretty :)

Phillay632 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:17

Karma's a bitch. I'm sure he responded "...And you were saying?"

uhazsquiads 0

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Friday 20 August 2010 8:12

lol proly number 2

xXxElizavetaxXx 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:18

hahahaahahahahahahaha WOW.thats kind of ironic that you do that while say "I am not a dumb blonde" (:

IndigoFuckYou 9

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Thursday 17 March 2011 6:09

Way to go, captain obvious.

strongguard 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:20

ah girl i feel for u blonde guys get shit to

GrapefruitZoe 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:20

Oh punch the kid. If he thinks you're a "dumb blonde" then he has no business dating you.

whitey_fml 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:21

ever heard of 'choose your words wisely', or maybe 'what goes around comes around'?

Ashes_03 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:21

Bahahaha... Less screaming and more looking where you're going next time, eh?

bioclock 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:22

That's like the time I was talking to a really hot guy at the ski slopes, and he asked if I'd skied a lot. I said, "Not a lot, but I'm pretty good at it." Maybe 20, 30 feet down from the lift I lost my balance on a bump and broke my arm...right in front of him. Wondering why the hell you were screaming at him. If that was part of convincing him that you're not a dumb blonde, then I'm sorry, but you're certainly going about it the wrong way.

xNephilim 18

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Monday 7 April 2014 21:21

Why is everybody talking about OP like that? Her boyfriend shouldn't think of her as a dumb blonde to begin with. That's rude as hell.

brooke33_fml 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:25

haha if hes calling you a dumb blonde to begin with he most likely has a good reason.. and by tripping and hitting your head on a wall you just proved his point. i must agree that you are indeed a dumb blonde.. and may i ask who the hell yells at the top of their lungs because someone said they were a dumb blonde you obviously didnt get your point across.

whitey_fml 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 3:28

it's only a myth that if you say something real loud, it becomes more true. dont take it so seriously. dumb blonde jokes and the like are NOT worth getting that upset.