Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after ten months. Why? She found out I didn't vote. Apparently that means I don't care about "her rights" and that's "a dealbreaker." Crazy bitch. FML
Today, my dad, who only recently came back into my life, decided somewhere in his booze-damaged brain, that I still needed parenting like a teenager. He tried to take my car keys for staying out late, tried to ground me for drinking, and disapproves of me dating. I’m 27 and own my own home. FML
Today, my wife is mad at me because I didn’t let our son win at Mario Kart Racing and he cried. I’m sorry, but it’s almost impossible to let a kid win at Mario Kart when he drives his character off every cliff, runs into every obstacle, and pulls 180s to drive down the track in the wrong direction. FML
Today, my idiot friends set me up on a blind date. It was about to go well, until her glass eye fell out onto my hand. FML
Today, I found out that multiple people have access to my dead friend’s FB account and have seen every single thing I’ve tagged his account on, sent to his Messenger, etc., Which is mostly spicy novel accounts that do giveaways (where you tag a friend to enter). Thanksgiving might be interesting… FML
Today, I'm unmotivated, lazy slob who keeps screwing up at work. For half the month. The other half, I'm a hyperactive, super fast worker, who finishes everything, and greedily picks up more tasks. Between the Jekyll and Hyde, my coworkers no longer trust me. Why am I like this? FML
Today, a tiny puppy only a few weeks old came out of some bushes and chose me as her human. I took her home and left her with my wife while I went back out for flea shampoo, milk, and a bed. When I got home, my wife had already called a charity to pick her up, because, “We’re not dog people.” FML
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