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Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

#20863583
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48279) - you deserved it (2633)

On 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47829) - you deserved it (6040)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

#20859830
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47345) - you deserved it (2639)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:33am - work - by pizza girl - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47299) - you deserved it (3254)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, after I explained to my waitress that I have an allergy to butter, she nonetheless put some on my baked potato. When I had her get me another, without butter, she came back with one and then asked if I would like butter with it. FML

#20862628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47086) - you deserved it (3315)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:40am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

#20857349
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46971) - you deserved it (3481)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:06am - work - by DefinitelyNotDogshit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

#20856967
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46879) - you deserved it (6800)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm - love - by dhskkf (man) - United States

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

#20859064
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46831) - you deserved it (4089)

On 08/29/2013 at 9:40am - misc - by tallguy (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker, because although I've only lived here for 9 hours, so far several different men have knocked on my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available for a good time. FML

#20861348
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46692) - you deserved it (2934)

On 08/31/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Redbridge)

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

#20860284
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46659) - you deserved it (3061)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

#20856552
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46602) - you deserved it (11445)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by crier - United States (Virginia)

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML



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