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Wednesday 21 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

#20850650
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43296) - you deserved it (12097)

On 08/23/2013 at 10:12am - misc - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

#20855620
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43251) - you deserved it (4828)

On 08/26/2013 at 8:22pm - work - by gunnerdog (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

#20845971
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43225) - you deserved it (2992)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

#20849795
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42395) - you deserved it (3335)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:40pm - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

#20846264
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42346) - you deserved it (3450)

On 08/20/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by nobieb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

#20848347
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42275) - you deserved it (3808)

On 08/21/2013 at 8:09pm - animals - by Jade (woman) - United States (California)

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

#20849199
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42192) - you deserved it (13345)

On 08/22/2013 at 10:48am - misc - by Baustigt - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

#20847705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42170) - you deserved it (25139)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42127) - you deserved it (3005)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

#20853636
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42088) - you deserved it (2922)

On 08/25/2013 at 12:23pm - misc - by hello higher premiums, fuckwad (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

#20846128
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41845) - you deserved it (7549)

On 08/20/2013 at 9:41am - health - by no that does not help (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41822) - you deserved it (2992)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States



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