Transportation: Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Janesville

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

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Mother of the year

Walk on the wild side

Late bloomer

By Australian Lifeguard - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

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By you can't win

A Lose-Lose Situation

Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML

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By Mel Ancholy - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Quakertown

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hollandale

Today, I saw a text message on my husband's phone from a "Candice", asking him if he and his wife are still separated, followed by an invitation to spend the night. I never knew we were separated in the first place. FML

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By the bad artist - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was talking to an art critic at an exhibition. He told me that the artist had no talent and went on to tell me everything wrong with each painting. I'd painted them all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

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By girlymae - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

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By brokenface - United States - Notre Dame

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

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By omfgnooo - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

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By Wtf - United States - Miamisburg

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 05:00

Happy Birthday!

Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML

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By Mikey - United States

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

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By s3xygrandpa - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

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By icefly - United States - Orlando

Today, I've owned my dream car for 11 days. Someone backed into it while it parked at work, and drove away without leaving a note. A man at a nearby business knows who did it but won't tell me because it was one of his customers. FML

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By animal lover...

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Jim Henson lives

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

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By unluckycounsellor - Bermuda

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

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By Andy

Stoners of the world unite!

Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room doing a spirited rendition of Girls Just Want to Have Fun with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML

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By OytoBeAfather - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

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By fatty - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

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By messyvictor - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2021 15:30 - United States - Toledo

Sunshine of my life

Today, while watching a news clip about NASA's Mars helicopter, Ingenuity, my wife asked me if Mars has a sun. She was serious. FML

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By staciedee - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2021 22:56

Help needed

Today, I've been asking for help to close up store for the last 7 months, at the height of a global pandemic. My boss's excuse for no help? Joe Biden and the government is keeping everyone who would earn 10 dollars an hour from working, because they are all lazy. Joe wasn't president 7 months ago. FML

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By hatesgravity - United States

Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Corona

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

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By Mackdaddy - United States

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

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By Tom - United States

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

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By Fiancé problemsss - United States - Billings

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

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By JaneDoe - United States - Salisbury

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

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Top comments

By nesteremily | 31

#6232513 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:21

I agree that is definitely FYL. On the bright side you didn't get hurt

By jaymartino86 | 10

#6232543 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:31

Heart broken or not he must've known that was the worst possible idea. Should have called in sick.

COMMENTS

By nesteremily | 31

#6232513 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:21

I agree that is definitely FYL. On the bright side you didn't get hurt

Reply

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6232533 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:27

Am I the only one wondering why OP got in a car with a clearly drunk driver?

Reply

nesteremily | 31

#6232536 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:28

I agree with that..maybe they didn't realize until they were already in the car?

Reply

mukduk | 21

#6232541 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:30

I must be reading it a different way. OP didn't get in the car with their instructor. The instructor was late because he rear ended someone on the way to picking up OP.

Reply

NoMapToBuy | 14

#6232598 - Sunday 15 March 2015 6:34

I think op could be more empathetic

Reply

HairIsEverything | 15

#6232605 - Sunday 15 March 2015 6:46

Everyone please. It clearly states the instructor turned up late, meaning he actually made it there. OP probably hopped in so the instructor could drive to said test location, and he rear ended someone on the way. How in the hell could OP find out his instructors wife left him and he was drunk? He had to have been with him. I don't know who else would have given him that info, they wouldn't and couldn't. Boom! The end

Reply

slyde32 | 12

#6232653 - Sunday 15 March 2015 8:50

he drove drunk, the instructor should have rang op and told him the situation rather than get in the car pissed and drive to take him for his test. He could've killed someone, I don't think op needs to be more empathetic at all

Reply

slyde32 | 12

#6232655 - Sunday 15 March 2015 8:51

@32 by the instructor rocking up in a damaged car and apologising for being late while explaining the story is one possibility

Reply

Mightytall | 35

#6232682 - Sunday 15 March 2015 10:56

Op also learned a valuable lesson today.
Don't drink and drive!

Reply

Meettitan | 14

#6232906 - Sunday 15 March 2015 18:12

I wonder what #32's outlook on politics are, she can only see one side, its probably a nightmare.

By aseim9497 | 18

#6232514 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:21

That sucks, OP. Glad to hear you made it out safe though.

Reply

Norja | 33

#6232744 - Sunday 15 March 2015 12:50

The instructor at least owes OP a few free lessons before the new test.

Reply

chazzywazzy654 | 22

#6234196 - Monday 16 March 2015 20:06

I would be more inclined to find a new instructor and explain the situation rather than go with the same one who drove drunk.

By ironik69 | 31

#6232515 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:21

Chin up OP. At least he didn't try to blame the accident on you.

Reply

Norja | 33

#6232741 - Sunday 15 March 2015 12:48

Why would he?!

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6232516 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:22

H

By nreed32 | 20

#6232517 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:22

I would say F his life maybe more than FYL...

By redraven88 | 16

#6232522 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:22

Its really an FML for your instructor. Hope he gets everything sorted out.

By Irwinfinity | 11

#6232525 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:23

Good thing no one got hurt.. well except for his now broken heart.

By lol_mar11 | 8

#6232529 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:26

Could have been worse! Glad you didn't get hurt. Still sucks tho FYL.

By Narayan96 | 13

#6232530 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:26

Hey that's better then some one getting seriously hurt

By euphoricness | 28

#6232532 - Sunday 15 March 2015 5:26

I thought this would've been an FML because he hit your car lol