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Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

Today, I was mugged by three guys. I fought back, and knocked one down. This made them angry, so they stole my clothes as well. FML

by ScottishLad1 / 09/01/2011 at 11:24am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

by Dante178 / 12/08/2011 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

by ABBenzin / 02/01/2012 at 11:11am / United States / Work

Today, I was at my Muay Thai class. We were doing a combination which consisted of a low kick, body kick and head kick. My partner had already done the low kick so I held the pads for the body kick. He kicked me straight in the jaw. I'm a teenage girl and he's a fully grown man. FML

by anonymous / 01/26/2010 at 7:55am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Health

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

by mad flyer / 02/21/2010 at 12:47am / Transportation

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

by nazooer / 03/21/2012 at 9:50pm / United States / Health

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 8:00am / United States / Love

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:08am / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy

Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML

by why the fuck would you do that / 02/24/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 12:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Money

Today, I told my 10 year old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML

by NVP / 01/18/2009 at 9:30am / United States (Ohio) / Kids