By "princessmia" - United States - Sequim

Felt so bad

Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML

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Sorry…

Trip Advisor says no

In my day…

By baby_trex_arms - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

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By NewMom

Today, there was a baby shower for our first child. My hostess invited 75 people. Only 3 people showed up. FML

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By caaarl - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

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By impure - United States

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

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By Bruce - United States

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

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By RebekahBrooke - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML

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By JJ - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

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By Jen - 24/1/2021 13:58 - United States

Jealous?

Today, my unborn child's father told me he stood outside of my friend's house for an hour in the snow in the middle of the night because he thought I was with another guy. I was at her house helping with her four kids. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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By Unfortunate - 2/6/2021 16:00 - United States - Anchorage

Long list

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after two years of dating. So far this year, I sprained my wrist, my dog died, my best friend of 6 years ended our friendship, I was diagnosed with PMDD, my cat died, I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and I got turned down for every job I applied for. Only 7 more months to go… FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

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By Anonymous

Looks

Today, my mom and dad were talking about how if I lost weight, I would be attractive and have guys all over me. My dad said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” It took me a while to realize they both think I’m ugly. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

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By bathroomseww - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

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By charlatan

What's in a name?

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She asked me what year I was born in, then brutally rejected me. Apparently it's because my name wasn't in the top 20 baby names for my birth year. FML

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By NoMeatFail - Canada

Today, I was eating Campbell's vegetable soup. Halfway through, I started to read the ingredients and found beef broth. I have been a vegetarian for seven years. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Mandeville

Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

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By THANKS - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

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By last literate - Canada

Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML

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By anonymous_0505 - Russian Federation

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

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By zawbentley - United States

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response: "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

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By saltinawound - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

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By uofpalum - United States

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

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By missedout - United States - York

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

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By AbsolutelyEffed - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

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By what the FUCK - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

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By so much pain... - United States - Collegeville

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

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By Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

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By dumpedchick - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML

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By ChangoFett - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

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By DrakeScott - United States

Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML

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By Why Is It Always Me - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

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By Cannachick

Today, I found out how messed up I am when a guy held a knife to my throat and it turned me on. FML

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By yardswoman

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7866910 - Saturday 14 December 2019 9:02

Things will be fine until "Mom" goes shopping and leaves you alone with "Step-Dad."

There are many documentary films showing this turns out badly. You can find them on PornHub.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7866912 - Saturday 14 December 2019 9:07

ydi for having nudes available to send so easily. use the 'hide album' option.

COMMENTS

By weazle | 13

#7866893 - Saturday 14 December 2019 7:12

Fakeeeeeee

By RichardPencil | 30

#7866910 - Saturday 14 December 2019 9:02

Things will be fine until "Mom" goes shopping and leaves you alone with "Step-Dad."

There are many documentary films showing this turns out badly. You can find them on PornHub.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7866912 - Saturday 14 December 2019 9:07

ydi for having nudes available to send so easily. use the 'hide album' option.

By cheesebond | 29

#7866950 - Saturday 14 December 2019 11:47

Use the app called keepsafe for when you let him use ur phone or on iPhone use guided access

By Sinshine | 27

#7866991 - Saturday 14 December 2019 19:41

And you expect us to believe you just hand your little brother a phone with easily accessible nude pictures of yourself?

By 1gullible_bugger | 33

#7871789 - Friday 3 January 2020 17:09

Never store those on your phone!