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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42605) - you deserved it (4597)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53013) - you deserved it (11923)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

#21030771
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44295) - you deserved it (4068)

On 01/17/2014 at 11:24am - health - by crap - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

#21036979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43385) - you deserved it (14934)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:53am - misc - by MarBlu - United States

Today, my younger brother asked if he could watch me put a tampon in. He's 17. FML

#21029617
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65893) - you deserved it (6245)

On 01/16/2014 at 8:37am - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

#21031501
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47975) - you deserved it (7064)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:45am - kids - by FattestUgliestPerson (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50810) - you deserved it (7906)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47891) - you deserved it (5193)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48895) - you deserved it (3851)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46313) - you deserved it (16779)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45942) - you deserved it (5393)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43194) - you deserved it (4729)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML



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