Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44229) - you deserved it (4833)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

#21037839
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46459) - you deserved it (16813)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

#21031501
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49326) - you deserved it (7273)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:45am - kids - by FattestUgliestPerson (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my younger brother asked if he could watch me put a tampon in. He's 17. FML

#21029617
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68006) - you deserved it (6422)

On 01/16/2014 at 8:37am - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48233) - you deserved it (5647)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

#21036979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43490) - you deserved it (14958)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:53am - misc - by MarBlu - United States

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49014) - you deserved it (5295)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47026) - you deserved it (7334)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49680) - you deserved it (12645)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42632) - you deserved it (8070)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

#21032373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45560) - you deserved it (6582)

On 01/19/2014 at 12:17am - kids - by MommyProblems (woman) - United States

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44437) - you deserved it (4759)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

#21035436
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61467) - you deserved it (8717)

On 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm - health - by AnonWife - United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: