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By yus - 21/10/2014 19:46 - United States - Orange

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 699

You deserved it 5 072

yus_fml tells us more.

yus_fml 17

Wednesday 22 October 2014 3:24

Hey, author here! So basically, I'm in high school and the school I go to does drug tests to all of the students and it is completely random. Some people are tested multiple times, other people are never tested. It is basically whatever the computer says. So no, It was not because I failed it the first time or because I was suspected of doing drugs.

By bluehairedfreakgirl - 01/06/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 531

You deserved it 38 744

Boom boom

By Anonymous - 19/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 245

You deserved it 958

Little shit

By Anonymous - 06/12/2020 02:01 - Malaysia

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 14:22 - United States

Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 175

You deserved it 6 153

By cheezmaster - 16/12/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 862

You deserved it 2 585

Weird-ass kids

By fml9124 - 05/12/2020 02:02

Today, my Asian girlfriend broke up with me because I'm not Asian, I'm Irish-American, 100%. She doesn't have a problem with me, though. It's her kids. Her grown children want her dating Asian men. She's 62, I'm 63. Is that like reverse racism when the kids are more racist than the parents? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 145

Hairy situation

By Anonymous - 12/02/2022 10:00

Today, I overheard my wife tell her sister how much she hates how hairy I’ve become since becoming middle-aged, and can barely bring herself to touch me when I’m naked. First I’m hearing of it, and I’d have waxed if she asked me to, but instead she bitches to her sister and humiliates me. I’m so done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 259

My brother the Gigachad

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 06:01

Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 140

Make up your mind

By Anonymous - 14/05/2023 22:00

Today, since we work out of town, my MIL told me she was going to come see the kids before we left. Then she completely ghosted me the entire day, but tells everyone in the family I never let her visit us. I'm the only adult who puts any effort into the relationship, but everyone is on her side because she’s “stressed”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 00:10 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 862

You deserved it 4 898

By epiclollipop - 12/10/2014 12:52 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 832

You deserved it 6 165

epiclollipop tells us more.

epiclollipop 8

Monday 13 October 2014 13:53

Just an extra bit of info: I was with my parents at the airport, so I did make it back... after 45 minutes of going through security and announcing that I was an idiot on the intercom so my dad could save me.

By anonymous - 14/09/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 986

You deserved it 4 522

By fuckingbeliebers - 04/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Gorham

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 3 524

By SingleAgain - 03/08/2012 06:22 - United States - Saukville

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 963

You deserved it 3 110

It's not my fault

By GuiltyNidia - 19/05/2023 22:00

Today, my best friend’s parents told me they’re gonna take me to court and sue me for “all I got.” Turns out, he'd committed suicide after I got in a relationship with someone else. Apparently, he’s had feelings for me for a while and couldn’t handle that fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 125

By kittenfish8903 - 06/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 366

You deserved it 4 690

Evil will always win

By emily ann - 21/05/2023 00:01

Today, I was suspended from school for “being involved in a fight.” The other girl beat me up while I didn't do anything to defend myself, for fear of getting in trouble. She got off scot free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 137

Since when has that been there?

By Michelle - 19/12/2020 08:01

Today, I thought something was wrong with my car battery because my dashboard lights were really low. I paid $77 to find out the dimmer switch was turned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 878

Are the straights OK?

By ok sure - 23/05/2023 00:02

Today, my daughter is almost never included in activities my family has for their daughters. I’ve been told mine is “too wild” and “unladylike” because she likes being barefoot, climbing trees, and playing with animals. Meanwhile, they have their 10-12 year-olds in weaves, acrylics, makeup, and heels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 116

By oops - 30/07/2012 00:25 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 249

You deserved it 7 126

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 17:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 356

You deserved it 4 831

Stay fresh

By bluewinter - 23/05/2009 10:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sister's friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I'm a 23 year-old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 154

You deserved it 9 753

One-sided

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 02:02 - Australia

Today, after I spent quite some time getting thoughtful gifts for my friend and her kids ahead of their visit, she made a big fuss about how she'd "forgotten" to bring the gift she'd bought for me. Later, she casually admitted that she'd intentionally not bought me anything because she, "didn't think I'd need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 135

Wifey

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 02:55 - United States - Covington

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 962

You deserved it 2 553

By foreseeingabreakup - 06/09/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 369

You deserved it 7 043

By Unlucky - 25/07/2012 13:03 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 892

You deserved it 3 623

Great suggestion

By sexyyy - 07/12/2009 19:18 - Belgium

Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday, in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 777

You deserved it 5 145

Wanker horn

By gran ruined masturbation - 01/06/2023 12:00

Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 187

By youonlyneed2squares - 24/09/2014 04:10

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate says to me: "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 52

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The Top

Today, my parents confirmed we were going to be taking a Disney World trip for Christmas vacation. I already knew that we were taking a trip, but I was now missing a week of school. Being in 3 honors and an A.P. class, I said that I didn't want to go. I got called an "ungrateful, little prick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 336

You deserved it 8 591

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 480

You deserved it 3 499

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 785

You deserved it 2 891

Today, after having a few beers at a bar, I gave my ticket to the valet to get my car. I tipped the man $2 and he gave me a huge smile and thanked me a lot as I left. I thought the guy was just really appreciative for those $2 until I got home and saw one of the $100 bills in my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 486

You deserved it 57 830

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 780

You deserved it 4 537

Today, I was singing my heart out in the shower, convinced I was alone. Turns out my roommate had friends over, and they could hear everything through the bathroom vent. Now, they keep requesting encore performances of my renditions of songs by The Smiths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 178