Love: Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 17:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 225

You deserved it 4 791

Dysfunctional

You tried

Wakey wakey

By fries - 24/11/2013 16:01 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 443

You deserved it 3 817

By MID12 - 23/03/2009 17:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 427

You deserved it 8 691

By ShaunBomb - 11/12/2010 06:11 - United States

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 656

You deserved it 3 117

By Username - 21/04/2011 18:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 150

You deserved it 55 570

Thanks for the help

By singlemom - 15/07/2021 16:01

Today, while in line for my prescription, my daughter was interrogating the man behind us. I'm a single mother. She asked the man, "Do you think my mom is pretty? Want to go on a date with her?" When he told her he was married, she replied, "So? You can get a divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 147

By dead_painter - 04/05/2016 00:42 - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 043

You deserved it 1 325

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 16:42 - United States - Flushing

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 449

You deserved it 2 784

By back to cock-hunting - 15/11/2014 19:58 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 015

You deserved it 5 003

Doug E. Not So Fresh

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 23:30 - India - Jamshedpur

Today, I was trying to learn beatboxing. As soon as I started trying it out, my grandmother started slapping my back, and mom came in running with a glass of water. Both of them thought I was choking to death. I can't beatbox to save my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 485

So clever. Wow.

By Tree - 02/02/2018 19:00

Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 239

You deserved it 715

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 14:16 - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 844

You deserved it 51 958

By ms piggy - 15/12/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 997

You deserved it 43 051

By birthday blues - 08/11/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 549

You deserved it 905

By Anonymous - 23/09/2010 19:02 - Chile

Today, I gave my boss the paperwork to approve my commissions for the month. She wouldn't sign it, saying, "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel that I've signed this before." She hasn't. I have no commission, and my boss is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 517

You deserved it 2 468

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 389

You deserved it 6 524

Words are hard

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 18:50 - United States - Temperance

Spicy

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 790

You deserved it 3 458

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 306

You deserved it 1 995

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 19:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 993

You deserved it 2 073

By khannnn - 20/03/2016 18:25 - United States

Today, looking to hire new tech support members, but due to not looking over any resumés, my ex-wife is now one of our potential candidates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 029

You deserved it 7 429

By Porche - 12/11/2015 16:24 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend called me at work and said, "I hate to do this over the phone..." I burst into tears, thinking he was going to break up with me. Turns out he only ate my last doughnut. Now my co-workers think I'm a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 501

You deserved it 4 635

By S12Sophia - 02/05/2012 22:06 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 913

You deserved it 5 426

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 06:43 - Canada

Spicy

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 200

You deserved it 30 708

By Slayer - 09/10/2011 23:28 - Canada

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 543

You deserved it 35 562

Waxing pubical

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was waxing my legs and somehow dropped an enormous dollop of hot wax on my naked crotch. I refused to yank it off, but still had to cut it off with scissors. So now I have a huge patch of pubic hair way shorter than the rest of it. It looks a right mess FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 936

By disappoint - 08/12/2011 09:14 - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 026

You deserved it 3 764

By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 799

You deserved it 279

By cheesy grin - 11/06/2018 19:00

Today, my front tooth randomly fell out in the middle of class. I brush regularly and visit the dentist, the tooth was perfectly healthy looking, and it didn’t hurt beforehand or bleed. It literally just fell out for no reason. Now I have a gap grin and I don’t know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 209

Keep it down

By Help - 26/11/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 666

You deserved it 2 494

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 216

You deserved it 9 684

By cloud7 - 27/12/2010 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 791

You deserved it 6 879

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 141

You deserved it 6 143

By Dlpnlvr85 - 10/07/2016 18:43 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 506

You deserved it 830

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 17:28 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 844

You deserved it 3 146

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 083

You deserved it 2 964

By amy1023 - 26/11/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 673

You deserved it 8 174

By Anonymous - 19/06/2016 20:06 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I declared I was done with online dating after several disasters. My friend set me up with a friend of her husband's. Turns out he's one of the men who rejected me on the website. He laughed when he saw me and said, "Well, this is awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 536

You deserved it 962

By zevil - 18/11/2008 16:54 - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 727

You deserved it 9 677

By Skittlezzz0901 - 21/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 466

You deserved it 566

By Username - 27/01/2011 17:40 - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 053

You deserved it 5 674

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 03:06 - United States - Tyler

Today, a customer at my coffee shop bitched me out because we don't sell cranberry juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 799

You deserved it 1 763

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

sayyestothedress 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:01

Well, you didn't specify what kind of safety! Jk sorry OP!

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:02

Dump her and find better friends.

Comments

sayyestothedress 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:01

Well, you didn't specify what kind of safety! Jk sorry OP!

AoC15 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:17

I think he took the advantages of being a friend in need to the extreme

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:49

sorry OP, get rid of them both and move on. Thats no true friend or gf for cheating on you while you were gone.

ChevyRedneck85 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 2:17

Well that was mighty nice of him.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:02

sorry OP leave them both behind.

princesspeachxox 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 3:33

In a way he dodged a bullet, better to find out who your real friends are and who really loves you earlier rather than later :)

Send a private message

Thursday 2 October 2014 1:24

probably not the best way to find that out though

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:02

Whatta dick.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 0:24

That's what she said! No? Ok.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 4:47

pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun pun

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:02

Dump her and find better friends.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:03

Time for new friends.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:51

And a new girlfriend.

bluebellchimes 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:04

You probably now wish he didn't and then she contracted some sort of STDs.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 0:25

Calm down satan

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:04

I have a common prescription for this. Whoop your friends ass and dump the slut.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:49

Dump the idiotic friend as well. He deserves better than someone who just takes advantage of him

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 0:20

I think the "whoop your friends ass" part may terminate the friendship. I don't see OP having a beer or likewise engaging in some other friendly activities with the guy afterwards.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:07

sorry op :( i know that's tough.

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:09

Sounds like a slut

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 2:22

#9 Sounds like a cheater. We don't know if she's a slut or not.

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 2:53

A cheater and a slut are synonymous, in terms of relationships.

Paultheouctopus 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:10

Are you still addressing him as a buddy? Leave them, and move on.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 686

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 805