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WWE

By xxlenalunaxx - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after waiting for two weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 817

You deserved it 4 384

Release those endorphins!

By hbt51 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 349

You deserved it 2 011

Thanks, that's great

By Greattitan2 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Beaufort

Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 837

You deserved it 1 951

Cheer up!

By wintersoldier - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 299

You deserved it 2 439

I'm only sleeping

By need sleep - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 649

You deserved it 2 388

Sex vs. housework

By hesitator - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 099

You deserved it 1 141

Dollar cut

By yosmurf - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my son proudly announced to me that he has been learning to cut out shapes at school, and that he'd cut out some ovals and wanted to show me. He showed me the pictures of Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson and Jackson, and their corresponding bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 177

You deserved it 348

Plus one

By Partyofthree - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 599

You deserved it 1 336

It's all balls to me

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 658

You deserved it 1 392

Technique

By steph - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Helotes

Today, I was trying to go for a number two while drying my hair so that my boyfriend wouldn't hear me do it. The lock on the door was broken, and he saw how good I am at multitasking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 400

You deserved it 2 861

Goldfinger

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 204

You deserved it 250

Menace to society

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 327

You deserved it 3 275

Too far gone

By Blie - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 4 711

Baaaa!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room… where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 060

You deserved it 75 628

Takes one to know one

By ironic driver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for a DWI. The police officer was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 855

You deserved it 4 696

Reflex

By OuchImAMoron - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 574

You deserved it 47 100

Thanks Karen

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was taking a customer's order when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted, "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 939

You deserved it 4 421

TMI

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him. Being dumped wasn't the reaction I was expecting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 202

You deserved it 252

OK, thanks

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire PowerPoint based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 799

You deserved it 4 301

Impressive

By authorsubmit - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 948

You deserved it 48 107

Cash

By Elmoo - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I was at work when a customer, who was going to pay for her groceries, started sorting through her money. She put some coins in her mouth, seemed to suck on them for a while, and then gave them to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 900

You deserved it 2 004

Cheap and gross

By ilovemypup - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 210

You deserved it 828

Spinning out

By PerfectTiming - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 166

You deserved it 4 765

I'm a huge fan

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 742

You deserved it 3 288

Smooth

By nothing - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him, "Hey, I like your balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 797

You deserved it 57 014

Lost and found

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 468

You deserved it 547

We meet again

By BunniesOnAcid - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Clinton

Today, I was at the airport, on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was four years-old. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to fuck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 248

You deserved it 4 219

Bold move

By GotMyBitchBack - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Zanesville

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 899

You deserved it 3 086

Wake up

By idiot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 23 844

With friends like these…

By dreadedmafia86 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 418

You deserved it 2 550

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The Top

Today, I found out my mom has been randomly searching my room. I've asked her repeatedly to stop, but she says it's her right as a parent. In retaliation I started searching their room when they were out, and found porn mags and DVDs. I confronted mom about it. Long story short, dad's in a hotel. What have I done?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 770

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 800

You deserved it 130 380

Random

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 2 914

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 645

You deserved it 2 897

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 260

You deserved it 323

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 106

Today, my boyfriend is pissed at me for giving everyone food poisoning right before the holiday and ruining the weekend. He’s the one that forced and berated me into using the nasty expired ingredients in his mom’s kitchen, even though I knew better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 197

Today, I went to my gym and tried a new workout machine that had just been installed. I set the weight too high and ended up stuck halfway through a lift, making weird struggling noises. Most people around me stopped and stared as I awkwardly dropped the weights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 373