The Top

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Internalized misogyny

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 13:59

Today, I was anonymously sent screenshots of texts from my new boss to my interviewer, saying I got almost all the questions wrong but to hire me anyway because they’re hiring quota has to be at least 40% women. That’s the only reason I got the job, tits and no brains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 596

Stop tagging people

By CatsOutBagsOut - 14/03/2023 20:00

Today, thanks to my asshole coworker and his obsession of posting pictures and tagging me in them on Facebook after I repeatedly told him not to, my wife found out about a party we had with colleagues only. I’m seen in several photos kissing my work bestie, who I hoped I’d keep under wraps until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 4 068

By badhairday - 26/12/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, after months of her begging me, I let my girlfriend cut my hair for the first time. It turned out so badly that we are now "taking a break until it looks normal again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 752

You deserved it 5 918

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 724

You deserved it 9 473

By bob - 22/10/2011 04:55 - Canada

Today, I got into a pretty heated argument with my boss. On my way out the door I told him he would be lucky if I came back to work. Unfortunately, I left the interior light on in my truck and it drained the battery. I had to go back in and ask for a jump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 810

You deserved it 36 222

By creepyeyes - 21/06/2009 18:37 - Canada

Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 011

You deserved it 68 617

By box bulge - 21/10/2011 01:24 - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 034

You deserved it 9 990

By Username - 23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 008

You deserved it 4 811

By Username - 21/12/2010 05:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 651

You deserved it 4 449

Creeper alert!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 786

You deserved it 13 854

Sounds like a lovely guy

By Blindsider - 28/03/2023 12:00

Today, I had my second miscarriage. My husband responded by throwing a bitch fit because I "totally blindsided him with this miscarriage shit” knowing he wanted kids, and if he'd known he wouldn’t have married me in the first place. He threw his wedding band in the trash and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 141

Pumpkin spice season is coming

By Chris - 18/08/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was home alone and decided to try on my Halloween costume, a giant inflatable dinosaur suit. As I was prancing around the living room, my doorbell rang. Without thinking, I answered it. It was the mailman with a package. The look on his face as he handed a T-rex a box was priceless, but now he probably thinks I’m nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 436

I can't help it!

By ssssssssuck a dick, boss - 18/08/2013 17:29 - United States - Kalispell

Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 610

You deserved it 3 194

I’m going on an adventure!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family has nicknamed me "The Hobbit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 800

You deserved it 4 381

By automaticfail_00 - 17/06/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 162

You deserved it 5 080

By Anonymous - 12/01/2017 17:09

Today, I got fired from my first-ever job. Via text. I hadn't even started the first day but I'm expected to drive an hour and a half to my now ex-boss's house to return the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 385

You deserved it 502

Cancer sucks

By m0r0n - 21/10/2020 02:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, like most days, I awoke from a dream where my hair was long again. This time, it was in the way while I was trying to drink water from a fountain. I lost my hair from chemo; it's slowly growing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 358

Smooth

By vintage_vogue - 17/06/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 274

You deserved it 7 457

Bored of you

By ajwwfc - 19/10/2020 23:03 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I realised that whenever I make eye contact with a stranger, I yawn. I work at a McDonald's FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 174

Protip: Don't

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 155

You deserved it 25 172

Pick a lane

By Cece - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with three days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 344

You deserved it 775

By fuck fof and die dad - 20/11/2014 19:48 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 611

You deserved it 9 468

By thankshun13 - 07/09/2012 02:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancé told me that the thought of having sex with a pregnant woman repulsed him. I'm pregnant. He's glad he got that off his chest FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 685

You deserved it 4 257

Hump Day

By FML Videos - 21/11/2018 18:30

You can do it!

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 80

By fmlfmlfml - 11/10/2011 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 8 705

Assface

By bitches. - 15/06/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell, "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said, "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 518

You deserved it 3 455

By Anonymous - 23/01/2017 20:00

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 991

You deserved it 483

Late night shopping spree

By DrunkenShopper - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 182

You deserved it 37 090

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 00:01

Today, my wife and I have been trying for kids for years and nothing, yet my deadbeat brother just ran out on his third pregnant girlfriend in a row, with no intention of meeting the baby ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 151

TikTok strikes again

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 14:01

Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 2 029

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The Top

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 400 230

You deserved it 46 172

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 159 088

Random

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 805

You deserved it 8 551

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 934

You deserved it 2 864

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 051

You deserved it 5 896

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 204

You deserved it 4 410

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 222

Today, my parents left me several frantic voicemails early this morning about the hurricane, totally in a panic that I wasn’t safe. I called them when I woke up and told them I was fine. They were actually angry that I wasn't in the eye of the storm, because they “worried for nothing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 89