Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my...

By fmlfmlfml - 11/10/2011 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

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Love

Gas giant

Mr Sensitivity

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 2/8/2019 16:03

Her House, Her Rules.

Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML

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By hustled - 24/8/2012 00:05 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out my girlfriend is only with me because I'm a mechanic and I fix her constantly broken-down car for free. FML

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By Turbo - 17/6/2019 02:23

Today, as a truck driver, I was flipped off, cursed at, told to go to hell and several other obscenities because I was a half-hour EARLY to my delivery. FML

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By "Mom2grls808" - 19/12/2018 20:00 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month old on the floor (carpeted) in the livingroom. when I woke up my daughter bombed her diaper her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen....FML

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By rejectedprobably - 18/7/2016 23:06 - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

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By ToysforHire - 22/9/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2013 08:56 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

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By public pooper - 25/4/2013 00:16 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

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By amorousintx - 26/9/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

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By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 08:00

Frustrated

Today, after 10-plus years of marriage, my husband still gets off after 5 minutes. I find myself just wanting to just go down on him, instead of being unsatisfied right when I start to get into it myself. FML

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By meh - 17/1/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

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By krystal - 27/10/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML

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By kittenfish8903 - 6/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

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By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/3/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

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By ywouldudomelikethat - 3/1/2016 20:02 - United States - Renton

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

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By Alex Kiwi - 2/4/2020 20:00

Preemptive strike

Today, I grounded my son for vaping. However, the coronavirus has already grounded all of us. FML

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By Trey Deluna - 3/12/2010 17:12 - United States

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2010 20:14 - Switzerland

Today, I found out I'm allergic to the pills my doctor prescribed for coughing, which I really need because I ripped a muscle in my stomach. Now my whole upper body is covered in a terrible itchy rash. I also found out it will last for at least another week. FML

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By Kate - 7/3/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

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By Riley - 9/4/2011 08:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 08:13 - United States - Seaside

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

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By lafinesse - 14/5/2012 22:23

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 14:00

Splat!

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2015 05:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

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By UnluckyArtist - 14/9/2009 18:54 - United States

Today, I had an art class with my girlfriend. The teacher assigned "anti-cards", or cards for unusual or bad occasions. My girlfriend decided to make a "break-up" card, and I helped her write the poem inside it. After class, she gave it to me. FML

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By LizP40 - 27/8/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML

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By Stung - 19/6/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

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By Painful - 5/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2015 19:46 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago, my boys convinced me to go out with the cute girl I had been talking to on Tinder. However, she wasn't cute, or a girl. He robbed me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2012 08:24 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2020 17:00

Fetch!

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

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By WasFeelingGood - 27/10/2009 13:32 - United States

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

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By razgriz1 - 20/8/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there, to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride: 1 - Getting Laid: 0. FML

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By Haley. - 26/3/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 19:52 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

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By DrakeScott - 2/11/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML

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Top comments

By BadMofeelius | 0

#3418386 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:52

Yikes that's rough, best of luck in the future. We don't all do things like this.

By Perdition | 4

#3418442 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:03

+1. There ARE still decent people in the world.

I will rarely, if ever, continue communication with a serious ex, much less be friends with her. I don't understand why people think you can go from the feeling of being soulmates and in love to being platonic friends without those feelings coming back. They will, every time. Period.

COMMENTS

By BadMofeelius | 0

#3418386 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:52

Yikes that's rough, best of luck in the future. We don't all do things like this.

Perdition | 4

#3418442 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:03

OneNightStan | 2

#3418472 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:10

At least you know now to move on but it sucks that u found out on ur bday

CompettiveCheer | 0

#3418527 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:29

Can't trust hardly anybody these days.. You deserve better.

tylersign | 11

#3418689 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 20:33

Well.. It's your 21st birthday. Drink the pain away ;)

tinkerbell2oo8 | 4

#3418942 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 22:25

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

shoopd | 19

#3419277 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 23:22

I'm sorry. What?

RainbowHeadache | 2

#3419443 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:23

52 I'm pregnant with my ex's kid whom I was with for a few years and who was my first love, first everything. And we're just friends. He's made it clear there will be nothing else in between us & I believe him. It doesn't happen to everyone. His mom & dad are the same way.

AshleighNason | 24

#3419483 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:33

i agree

tinkerbell2oo8 | 4

#3419556 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:56

I wasn't saying that it happens to everyone but it does happen I made it clear me and my ex wouldn't but that change I falling in love with him all over agian

raphanne_fml | 33

#3419620 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 1:35

#77
Let's eat, grandma.
Let's eat grandma.

Punctuation saves lives :D

RA661 | 8

#3420911 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 8:30

Tinker has not learned about run-on sentences. :(

By claiiire_fml | 17

#3418387 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:53

Awh, that sucks OP. Now find another boyfriend and show him off to your ex.

Notimetobleed | 14

#3420719 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 7:00

Or cat fight his ex

killinem12345 | 3

#3429106 - Friday 14 October 2011 6:35

Hey

By uprising_fml | 0

#3418389 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:53

leave him . it's clear he is not, and will not be over her any time soon .

rldostie | 19

#3422849 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 17:33

I'm pretty sure that part of the FHL is that HE left her. She doesn't have the option of saving face by dumping him. She does have the option of burning anything and everything he left at her place though. Just saying, OP.

By TwoFootedMan | 0

#3418391 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:53

Second!!! Bring on the down votes

By bewareimannoyed | 13

#3418393 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:53

If it was at your birthday party... well he's a dick anyway

By raphanne_fml | 33

#3418404 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:55

But aren't you supposed to invite only your friends to this kind of events?

I'm sorry for you though...

By bargarlm | 2

#3418425 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:01

Smh you deserve better!

By WCARlover | 34

#3418453 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:05

Well it's better to find out now than, say, after he had put a ring on your finger or something. Onto the next one:)

By th4m4ster | 6

#3418455 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:06

never ever invite an ex to a wedding , and to a party now too I guess

By ndhin831 | 2

#3418460 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:06

At least you now know whether you can trust him or not.