Love: Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my...

By fmlfmlfml - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

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Love

And today, on Dr Phil…

Messed up

Daddy's little girl

By burned_away - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was leaving for work. From the other room I heard him call out, "see you soon beautiful." Touched, I went to give him a parting kiss. He stopped me and said, "I was talking to the cat." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Business school of business school

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

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By Fat Bastard

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

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By spandex - United States

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

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By biggmouth - United States

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Out of the frying pan…

Today, it's been 2 days since I got over having the flu for over a week, missing work the whole time. I just got food poisoning. FML

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By epicvixen - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 23:03 - Canada

Fucking Facebook memories

Today, Facebook showed me pictures from five years of a happy time I had traveling with a boyfriend, who later ended our 8-year relationship by telling me he had gotten an apartment and furniture in secret, and was moving out. No warning, no reason, no explanation. He never spoke to me again. I loved him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend made me a chocolate cake to try and cheer me after my dog died. My dog died because my dad fed him chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2021 20:01

Divorce impending

Today, I got a phone call from my husband in jail. He was detained for statutory rape. The girl was his 15 year-old coworker at McDonald’s. He’s 42. I can’t tell which is worse, the fact that we have a daughter the same age, or that he actually wanted me to bail him out. FML

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By guy - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

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By PublicToiletEspionage - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

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By Anonymous

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

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By Is that..? - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

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By EggBomb

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 00:30

Primitive art

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

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By leahrb - United States - Wilmington

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML

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By hitchcock2013 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

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By nerdychick - United States

Stalker vibes

Today, I printed out a picture of the popular girl in school as a sort of 'model' for how I wanted my hair cut. The hairdresser taped the picture to the mirror so he could see. Halfway through, my 'model' came in for an appointment. FML

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By tickyette - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

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By SeriouslyMakeItStop - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

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By zks

Today, I received yet more mail for my ex-fiancé. We've been broken up for nearly a year and I've told him multiple times to change his address. Getting his mail is a constant reminder that I haven't dated since. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Casselberry

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

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By anon - United States - York

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

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By Anonymous - Thailand - Bang Bua Thong

Today, I realised that I've never been able to successfully cook a meal outside of World of Warcraft. FML

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By 081013 - United States - Columbus

Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML

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By parasheeeet - United States - Birmingham

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

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By Googleit - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 11:02

Clean break

Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

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Top comments

By BadMofeelius | 0

#3418386 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:52

Yikes that's rough, best of luck in the future. We don't all do things like this.

By Perdition | 4

#3418442 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:03

+1. There ARE still decent people in the world.

I will rarely, if ever, continue communication with a serious ex, much less be friends with her. I don't understand why people think you can go from the feeling of being soulmates and in love to being platonic friends without those feelings coming back. They will, every time. Period.

COMMENTS

By BadMofeelius | 0

#3418386 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:52

Yikes that's rough, best of luck in the future. We don't all do things like this.

Perdition | 4

#3418442 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:03

OneNightStan | 2

#3418472 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:10

At least you know now to move on but it sucks that u found out on ur bday

CompettiveCheer | 0

#3418527 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 19:29

Can't trust hardly anybody these days.. You deserve better.

tylersign | 11

#3418689 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 20:33

Well.. It's your 21st birthday. Drink the pain away ;)

tinkerbell2oo8 | 4

#3418942 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 22:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

shoopd | 19

#3419277 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 23:22

I'm sorry. What?

RainbowHeadache | 2

#3419443 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:23

52 I'm pregnant with my ex's kid whom I was with for a few years and who was my first love, first everything. And we're just friends. He's made it clear there will be nothing else in between us & I believe him. It doesn't happen to everyone. His mom & dad are the same way.

AshleighNason | 24

#3419483 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:33

i agree

tinkerbell2oo8 | 4

#3419556 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 0:56

I wasn't saying that it happens to everyone but it does happen I made it clear me and my ex wouldn't but that change I falling in love with him all over agian

raphanne_fml | 33

#3419620 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 1:35

#77
Let's eat, grandma.
Let's eat grandma.

Punctuation saves lives :D

RA661 | 8

#3420911 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 8:30

Tinker has not learned about run-on sentences. :(

By claiiire_fml | 17

#3418387 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:53

Awh, that sucks OP. Now find another boyfriend and show him off to your ex.

Notimetobleed | 14

#3420719 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 7:00

Or cat fight his ex

killinem12345 | 3

#3429106 - Friday 14 October 2011 6:35

Hey

By uprising_fml | 0

#3418389 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 18:53

leave him . it's clear he is not, and will not be over her any time soon .

rldostie | 19

#3422849 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 17:33

I'm pretty sure that part of the FHL is that HE left her. She doesn't have the option of saving face by dumping him. She does have the option of burning anything and everything he left at her place though. Just saying, OP.