Work: Today, I got fired from my first-ever job. Via text. I hadn't... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 27

12/01/2017 17:09

Today, I got fired from my first-ever job. Via text. I hadn't even started the first day but I'm expected to drive an hour and a half to my now ex-boss's house to return the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 296

You deserved it 475

Stop talking!

Dementia or hate? You decide

Pompous twat

15/02/2009 21:44

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 215

You deserved it 6 626

28/03/2013 15:11

Spicy

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 908

You deserved it 18 161

04/10/2014 12:11

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and headbutted me. Now, there's just an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 621

You deserved it 4 703

22/01/2012 18:06

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 4 083

09/06/2013 23:33

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 410

You deserved it 9 107

16/06/2009 16:43

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 625

You deserved it 48 818

06/09/2013 03:27

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 588

You deserved it 3 307

You OK mom?

By today - 09/09/2021 12:01

Today, I woke up in a good mood, and I excitedly shared with my mom that I was in a "wonderful mood." Her response was to yell at me because she’s "had it with my fucking sarcasm." She refuses to believe I wasn’t being sarcastic. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 116

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 14:00

Today, I explained to my man child of a boyfriend that we don't reuse dirty dishes. We have to wash them. He doesn't think it's gross and yelled at me, throwing the pan in the sink. Oh, he also refuses to wash dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 459

29/01/2013 21:23

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 412

You deserved it 6 891

Must be one hell of a novel

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 17:01

Today, after 3 years of writing a murder mystery novel that I was really proud of, my dad stole my notebook. He mistook it as my diary and turned it in to the police and apparently I can't have it back because it may be used as evidence. Some of the stories were inspired by real events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 107

Backhanded

By wtf - 14/09/2011 18:11

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 868

You deserved it 4 461

29/05/2011 04:27

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 206

You deserved it 6 201

20/11/2018 15:00

Today, my boss sent a message to a coworker saying, "We're putting all of you back on the phones because one of you can't stop watching Netflix so corporate thinks you guys don't do anything." That person was me. Everyone's pissed at me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 7 124

30/11/2010 19:10

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 801

You deserved it 5 602

23/11/2008 10:59

Today, my mum prepared my bag for football practice. In the changing room I found one of her thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 267

You deserved it 4 470

25/07/2019 02:01

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 549

Classic Jeff

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 18:00

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 784

You deserved it 1 506

18/11/2012 22:53

Spicy

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 313

You deserved it 6 292

12/01/2009 15:37

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 504

You deserved it 9 122

Mind control

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 17:00

Today, after my fiancee gave me $100 to spend at the garden center as my Mother's Day gift, when I was on my way home from the center, he called and yelled at me because I didn't get what he wanted me to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 136

10/09/2010 04:09

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 072

You deserved it 35 817

25/06/2016 03:29

Today, my father-in-law is still introducing me to family friends as his son's girlfriend. I have been married to his son for 5 years, we have a child together and another on the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 1 016

Keep your distance

By Oddy - 17/11/2020 05:02

Today, I travelled by myself for the first time. I was seated next to a middle-aged man who was trying to convince me that I was his soulmate, kept touching my face and sniffing me. I'm 19 and it was a 6 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 64

06/07/2015 17:28

Spicy

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 410

You deserved it 8 188

Alas, poor Donald

By Hit and Run - 13/07/2021 07:59

Today, while driving, I put on my hazards and slowed to a stop to let a family of geese cross the street. The pick-up truck behind me however, decided to change lanes and speed off, running over at least half of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 85

02/03/2010 14:45

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 752

You deserved it 8 545

01/09/2012 00:49

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 2 480

25/08/2011 05:26

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 229

You deserved it 3 014

No internet, just cuddles

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 16:00

Today, my cat decided that the best place for her to pee was over the surge protector where my modem, router, and printer are plugged in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 194

10/03/2009 09:56

Spicy

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 966

You deserved it 61 141

05/12/2013 03:19

Spicy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 431

You deserved it 6 329

11/05/2012 21:23

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 720

You deserved it 3 115

Everyone's an expert

By yaa - 17/04/2020 17:00

Today, my sister's husband, who's never even been to college let alone medical school, told me that my cancer is not hereditary, despite a deep family history. He instead swears it's due to my "poor lifestyle and eating habits." Mind you, he's a 300 lbs, fall-down drunk with multiple DUIs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 150

02/07/2019 14:05

Today, I finally hit rock bottom when I broke down in tears because I forgot to feed my cats in Neko Atsume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 637

07/05/2015 18:00

Spicy

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 865

You deserved it 6 759

Freak

By micahmatt - 26/08/2009 07:09

Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 309

You deserved it 5 032

05/11/2012 17:33

Today, I was planning on enjoying my one day off work from the hospital, at home. I got a call saying I had to come in because my department was short-handed. I went in to find almost everyone there. Turns out it was a prank by my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 295

You deserved it 1 811

Too dry

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 20:00

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 374

02/08/2011 23:46

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 353

You deserved it 6 637

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Top comments

604 11

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Thursday 12 January 2017 17:18

My answer to that would be: #nope If he wants it delivered he can hire a courier. You're not on the payroll; don't get suckered into doing it!

moondoglou420 17

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Thursday 12 January 2017 17:16

Expected but no longer required.

Comments

moondoglou420 17

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Thursday 12 January 2017 17:16

Expected but no longer required.

604 11

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Thursday 12 January 2017 17:18

My answer to that would be: #nope If he wants it delivered he can hire a courier. You're not on the payroll; don't get suckered into doing it!

niallo 23

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Thursday 12 January 2017 17:22

Mail it. If they're not happy with that they can pick it up themselves. It was extremely disrespectful to be fired by text and they don't deserve any courtesy.

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Thursday 12 January 2017 21:09

<p>I wouldn't spend my money on mailing it back. They can come get it.</p>

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Thursday 12 January 2017 17:42

I say make him come get it to be honest.

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Thursday 12 January 2017 17:48

Screw him - you don't need to go anywhere, that's the least he deserves. Besides isn't there any legal action you can take in this regard?

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Thursday 12 January 2017 18:09

<p>Any job that 1. operates out of the owner's house and 2. conducts business via text is not a career starter anyway.  All you missed out on was working for no pay and about eight thousand explanations of why you were really, truly, totally going to get paid tomorrow.  Bonchance with finding a less scammy employer.</p>

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Thursday 12 January 2017 19:24

<p>Mail it to him</p>

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Thursday 12 January 2017 19:53

Ummm. Did u ever hear of the United States postal service, ups, or fed ex? No wonder u were fired. Probably had something to do with the mail

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Thursday 12 January 2017 21:11

<p>You know those cost money, right? Why should OP spend their money getting the almost employee's keys back to him? Let him come and get them.</p>

Dirtysalamander1 6

Friday 16 April 2021 1:13

apparently you didn't read the whole post. you missing half your brain?

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Thursday 12 January 2017 20:34

and why did he fire you

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Sunday 15 January 2017 16:22

She said I was too young. I'm perfectly qualified though.

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Sunday 15 January 2017 16:22

She said I was too young. I'm perfectly qualified though.

Winchesterbride 9

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Thursday 12 January 2017 20:39

can he fire you via text? I didn't know that