Today, I got fired from my first-ever job. Via text. I hadn't...

By Anonymous - 12/1/2017 17:09

Today, I got fired from my first-ever job. Via text. I hadn't even started the first day but I'm expected to drive an hour and a half to my now ex-boss's house to return the key. FML

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Work

Understandable

Messed up

Tense

By jeremiah - 6/11/2011 08:21 - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

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By Hairball - 1/9/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML

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By pod - 25/6/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

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By Jobless - 27/4/2017 14:00

Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML

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By titillating - 12/3/2012 04:28 - United States

Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML

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By NairyAGoodIdea - 15/1/2015 21:05 - United States

Today, I tried to manscape with some Nair. Nothing helps the pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2018 15:00

Today, it's my third day in the hospital. On Monday, my mother grounded me for not going to school because I was “milking” a sore foot. On Wednesday, we finally went to the ER and it turns out I have a very bad infection in my foot. She refuses to come to the hospital. FML

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By Nemo - 11/6/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

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By Unfortunate - 8/10/2012 00:24 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2016 17:19 - United States

Today, I went on a camping trip. I already had a bad back, and then the guy in charge took us on a hike. My shoes were too small, and now I'm hobbling around with a bad back and foot. Every time I limp, it hurts my back, but if I walk normally, it hurts my foot. FML

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By JaneVI - 10/2/2011 22:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML

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By jellymoon14 - 28/7/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, after being recently laid off at work due to "cutbacks", I went job searching around town. During my drive, I cruised past my old workplace and saw a "now hiring" sign in their window. FML

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By Bad Artist - 7/5/2014 14:55 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link to a "horrible" tattoo that he found online, that a guy had gotten at my tattoo parlor. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2010 18:14 - United States

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

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By BloodyNoseMcgee - 11/10/2018 15:30

Today, I dropped some glass at my job while putting it on the shelf. A shard bounced off the floor and went up my nose. FML

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By kb - 10/1/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

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By TiredStudent - 12/6/2020 23:07 - Australia

Bottle bank

Today, I found out my last roommate had been stacking her empty wine bottles under the sink for the last 5 months. The cleaning lady who found them now thinks I'm an alcoholic, and threatened to report me to my landlord. FML

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By Matt8 - 7/12/2012 01:07 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

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By baddream - 25/4/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

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By Chris - 11/1/2010 13:43 - Ireland

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

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By YoshiSqu4d - 22/5/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

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By ilovefootball - 7/9/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

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By Walker - 4/11/2009 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents, who are divorced, were arguing over who has to pay for my bus pass. They decided they wouldn't pay unless the other one did too. Neither will pay the £60 it'll cost for my bus pass. I now have to walk to school every day, in freezing winter weather. It's 9 miles. Each way. FML

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By squishyboy - 26/5/2009 08:23 - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

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By laptopsRus - 19/5/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

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By ostler - 2/12/2009 13:27 - United Kingdom

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

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By sistermonster - 26/2/2014 09:45 - France - Salon-de-provence

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

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By doggie_doo_face - 6/2/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

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By vanessax - 11/4/2012 05:04 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

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By John - 30/6/2011 08:18 - United States

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

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By dating a pussy - 18/2/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Scream

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

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By really mature, GRAN - 25/12/2012 20:59 - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2009 09:35 - Australia

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

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By Ahh - 14/8/2020 23:02

The curse

Today, as usual, my period cramps got go bad that I can't eat or drink without taking a pain killer, and end up puking and passing out if I take a pain killer before I eat. Here's to 30 smooth years yet to come. FML

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By BtoTheRtoTheTTK - 19/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Winter Haven

Holy stereotypes, mom!

Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML

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By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

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By botheredgf - 9/11/2010 12:02 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

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By ~Mr.Void - 9/10/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, my friends and I got front stage tickets to our favorite band. Being my first concert, we planned to start a small mosh pit in the back. I got knocked out by my bestfriends elbow and was rushed to the hospital, during the first song. FML

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By fuckel4 - 1/7/2016 20:12 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

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Top comments

By 604 | 11

#7387354 - Thursday 12 January 2017 17:18

My answer to that would be: #nope

If he wants it delivered he can hire a courier. You're not on the payroll; don't get suckered into doing it!

By moondoglou420 | 17

#7387353 - Thursday 12 January 2017 17:16

Expected but no longer required.

COMMENTS

By moondoglou420 | 17

#7387353 - Thursday 12 January 2017 17:16

Expected but no longer required.

By 604 | 11

#7387354 - Thursday 12 January 2017 17:18

My answer to that would be: #nope

If he wants it delivered he can hire a courier. You're not on the payroll; don't get suckered into doing it!

By niallo | 23

#7387357 - Thursday 12 January 2017 17:22

Mail it. If they're not happy with that they can pick it up themselves. It was extremely disrespectful to be fired by text and they don't deserve any courtesy.

Goblin182 | 26

#7387461 - Thursday 12 January 2017 21:09

I wouldn't spend my money on mailing it back. They can come get it.

By TMO2142 | 25

#7387365 - Thursday 12 January 2017 17:42

I say make him come get it to be honest.

By hpandher | 16

#7387372 - Thursday 12 January 2017 17:48

Screw him - you don't need to go anywhere, that's the least he deserves. Besides isn't there any legal action you can take in this regard?

By TeratoMarty | 6

#7387385 - Thursday 12 January 2017 18:09

Any job that 1. operates out of the owner's house and 2. conducts business via text is not a career starter anyway. All you missed out on was working for no pay and about eight thousand explanations of why you were really, truly, totally going to get paid tomorrow. Bonchance with finding a less scammy employer.