Work: I can't help it! - FML

I can't help it!

By ssssssssuck a dick, boss - 18/08/2013 17:29 - United States - Kalispell

Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 587

You deserved it 3 193

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Same thing different taste

Gummy

By speechless - 02/11/2010 17:20 - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 3 743

Make it stop

By whatzthehell - 03/06/2009 10:31 - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 633

You deserved it 51 444

By Anonymous - 16/02/2014 17:22 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my boss bitched me out on the sales floor for a good 10 minutes, because I wasn't "smiling the right way" for our customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 031

You deserved it 3 918

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 21:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 478

You deserved it 5 568

By Anonymous - 11/03/2018 01:30

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 433

You deserved it 393

By Sorry Not Sorry - 01/11/2016 14:01

Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this joke a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 484

You deserved it 651

Teeth gang!

By pridekills - 19/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Mulberry

Today, my coworker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 193

You deserved it 9 021

Snap!

By fax4voice3 - 28/08/2023 18:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was flossing my teeth, which I do only to not get yelled at (chewed out?) by my dentist. Dentist I’ll now be seeing later today because the floss broke off a corner of one of my molars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 183

By maleficunt - 03/06/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 993

You deserved it 4 048

Make your mind up

By fuck you, boss - 21/12/2013 00:30 - United States

Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 518

You deserved it 3 163

Next

Top comments

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Monday 19 August 2013 2:07

So many douchebag/stupid boss-related FML's lately... how do those kind of people even get that position?

etishuman22 32

Monday 19 August 2013 2:10

Maybe you could tell him you're just trying to make the best of things? You know...whistling while you work? I'm sorry I immediately thought of the old Disney movie "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" when I read this post.

Comments

K410 18

Monday 19 August 2013 2:02

Lol it's like that movie the out of towners. But sorry that your boss is a dick hope your next job pays more.

imonkeyface 9

Monday 19 August 2013 2:37

It never said he got fired or quit.

K410 18

Monday 19 August 2013 3:16

Well not like she's gonna be there for life I'm just wishing her next job is gonna be much better

K410 18

Monday 19 August 2013 6:38

So I'm getting disliked because I'm wishing op better luck in the future? Lol something is wrong with you people...

dawnimus 21

Monday 19 August 2013 7:56

Calm down, get buried, move on. There's more to life than being thumbed up.

klovemachine 24

Monday 19 August 2013 2:07

Your boss is a loser :-)

NoMore_CoolNames 14

Monday 19 August 2013 4:45

Really?

ariiewilliams 17

Monday 19 August 2013 4:50

More like unreasonable about other peoples' problem.

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Monday 19 August 2013 2:07

So many douchebag/stupid boss-related FML's lately... how do those kind of people even get that position?

magicman37 8

Monday 19 August 2013 2:09

Must be pretty creepy for the customers

etishuman22 32

Monday 19 August 2013 2:10

Maybe you could tell him you're just trying to make the best of things? You know...whistling while you work? I'm sorry I immediately thought of the old Disney movie "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" when I read this post.

HeartOfLead 24

Monday 19 August 2013 2:11

If OP is a vet, that would explain why the animals are always at attention...

hetalia_thailand 20

Monday 21 July 2014 19:55

I like the image of all the animals in the pet clinic suddenly jumping up and paying attention when OP speaks

ty7in_topic 31

Monday 19 August 2013 2:16

Your username says it all OP.

UnluckyGenius 21

Monday 19 August 2013 2:19

Your boss just doesn't appreciate mouth breathers is all.

IHATEFMYLIFE 26

Monday 19 August 2013 5:23

I know. Mouth breathers are people too and need jobs. I would report him for discrimination OP. thats so unfair to all mouth breathers everywhere! Lol

UnluckyGenius 21

Monday 19 August 2013 5:29

To be honest I agree with his boss, I know this girl. Let's say her name is Sandra, always needs a special helmet when we go do something because she breathes through her mouth. No helmet = plans cancelled. So inconvenient.

olpally 32

Monday 19 August 2013 2:40

Nice username. Lol. Explain why you do that. What a judgmental twat.

Jellybean22 14

Monday 19 August 2013 2:40

Get a better job so you can get it fixed?

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The Top

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 283

You deserved it 2 640

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 83

The Top

Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 86

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 337

You deserved it 3 460

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 403

You deserved it 14 011

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 665

You deserved it 3 353

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 568

You deserved it 1 647

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 458

You deserved it 11 869