The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

It's good for the planet

By Marcela - 18/03/2009 13:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 405

You deserved it 19 687

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 807

You deserved it 6 863

Nice try

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 20:21 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to meet the girl he has been cheating on me with. He thinks it makes the cheating more understandable if I see how 'hot' she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 627

You deserved it 6 269

Keep us posted

By suxx - 25/06/2011 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked around for hours with a Post-it on my back reading, "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 777

You deserved it 8 231

By leeseyxoxo - 27/03/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 192

You deserved it 5 204

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 852

You deserved it 6 428

Observation

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 05:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 790

You deserved it 8 010

Great start

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 495

You deserved it 3 341

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 346

You deserved it 11 644

By BornInTheWrongEra - 31/03/2013 06:24 - United States

Today, my neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear my "shit music" through my window during the afternoon, so I turned it off. They then began to play their definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blasted Nicki Minaj. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 253

You deserved it 5 566

By Khrixas_069 - 18/06/2011 07:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 731

You deserved it 58 716

Do not attempt this at home

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 02:08 - United States - Santa Barbara

Spicy

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 785

You deserved it 37 229

i'm doing FINE

By tammy999 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a Big Mac, two large fries, a large drink, and one case of chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 328

You deserved it 37 814

By badbride - 26/07/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 248

You deserved it 34 781

By ss - 06/09/2011 13:17 - Australia

Today, I took my new iPhone into a technician to complain that when people called me, the audio was very quiet and muffled. Convinced it was a fault, I demanded a replacement. That is when he peeled off the factory issued protective screen that covered the ear piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 262

You deserved it 53 913

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 951

You deserved it 31 254

By _TaToRtOt_ - 18/07/2011 13:08 - United States

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 591

You deserved it 4 140

By anonmys - 18/07/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 19 434

Dweebs

By XxtentaculonxX - 08/12/2012 22:52 - United Kingdom - Oban

Spicy

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 32 578

By jinxofsocal - 21/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 427

You deserved it 27 542

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:58 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 361

You deserved it 4 007

Bake off

By sadman - 07/05/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, it's my three month anniversary with my girlfriend and so I decided to bake her a cake from scratch. It took me three hours, a call to my mom, three different recipe books, and half my pantry. On the way to her house, I stopped to pick up flowers and left the cake in the car. It melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 668

You deserved it 11 788

By dazean - 15/11/2011 18:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that there is nothing wrong with our snowblower. I live in Alaska and for the last 10 years I have been shoveling our long steep driveway because I thought the snowblower was broken. Reality? My mother has "never been able to get it out of the shed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 082

You deserved it 5 683

dazean tells us more.

dazean 9

Wednesday 16 November 2011 3:02

In response to why didn't you buy/check/fix it yourself? Answer: I was saving for college, and know nothing about engines. I remembered that it had been broken before, and assumed she didn't have the money to have it fixed- as we were broke most of the time and could barely afford basic necessities.

By hc11bmd - 19/06/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 479

You deserved it 55 201

By Anonymous - 13/06/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 490

You deserved it 4 938

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 141

You deserved it 16 744

By bigdawg702 - 26/09/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 324

You deserved it 69 118

By poor baby - 12/06/2015 16:51 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 113

You deserved it 5 150

By Anonymous - 20/10/2012 08:42 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 041

You deserved it 3 377

Happy Birthday

By happybirthday - 22/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto Facebook all day, so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day, I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like Jabba the Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 071

You deserved it 9 475

75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I got basically raided by Child Welfare on very true reports I left a 4 month-old boy home alone with just water. The boy in question is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 779

Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 568

You deserved it 33 785

Today, at a Con, I saw a girl in an impressive cosplay of a character from one of my favorite video games. I complimented her on her costume and got a picture with her. Later, my girlfriend called me a cheating creep and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 153

Today, I got motion sickness while having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 361

You deserved it 6 906

Today, I got up at five, got dressed, and walked halfway to work in the snow. I then realized that it's Sunday. I also forgot my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 721

You deserved it 6 147

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 945

You deserved it 3 045