Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Wednesday 28 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43852) - you deserved it (2768)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

#20859399
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46060) - you deserved it (3551)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

#20859064
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48788) - you deserved it (4256)

On 08/29/2013 at 9:40am - misc - by tallguy (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

#20862202
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45426) - you deserved it (4049)

On 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm - kids - by embarrassedmom - United States

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

#20867699
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43187) - you deserved it (4797)

On 09/04/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

#20859944
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (40426)

On 08/30/2013 at 2:28am - work - by goodbyepromotion (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

#20866691
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37919) - you deserved it (6801)

On 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by JustAnotherFML23 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

#20854811
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46560) - you deserved it (3839)

On 08/26/2013 at 4:38am - misc - by 4_and_20_blackbits (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43131) - you deserved it (3396)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

#20855061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45484) - you deserved it (5989)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

#20863852
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43603) - you deserved it (15148)

On 09/01/2013 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24794) - you deserved it (39171)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

#20857055
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41546) - you deserved it (8080)

On 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm - misc - by sweetnan (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: