Miscellaneous: Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide...

By fartmaster - 22/04/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 100

Miscellaneous

Own it

This Charming Man

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Clumsy - 04/08/2018 15:00

Today, while baby-proofing the stairs so that my toddler wouldn't fall, I slipped on his toy car, broke the brand new gate while grabbing it so I wouldn't fall down the stairs, and broke my wrist and a rib. My husband should mom-proof the house for me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 156

You deserved it 354

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 251

You deserved it 5 055

By Anonymous - 03/05/2012 21:17 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 267

You deserved it 2 068

By Anonymous - 19/05/2016 13:48 - United States - Schnecksville

Today, I found out that my "girlfriend" is only with me for free transportation. She even has my contact saved as the car emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 719

You deserved it 1 346

By mdp624 - 16/08/2012 12:10 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I was T-boned while going through an intersection. The guy who hit me accused me of not using my turn signal. I was going straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 652

You deserved it 1 552

By Sam - 01/02/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 414

You deserved it 52 151

By Motherly Love - 14/08/2011 10:34 - United States

Today, I was at the airport to pick up my mother since my baby is due soon. As she arrived, I smiled wide and opened my arms for a hug, but she walked right by me. Apparently, being pregnant makes me unrecognizable. My husband and I had to tell it her was me, her own daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 159

You deserved it 2 993

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 10:06 - United States - Rockford

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 944

You deserved it 48 921

By Spac3Ghost - 28/12/2009 17:08 - China

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 605

You deserved it 26 250

By harshdoobie - 18/01/2012 15:18 - Canada

Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 083

You deserved it 3 323

Busted

By katara - 02/07/2010 23:53 - United States

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 977

You deserved it 57 377

By FML - 04/09/2015 16:27 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 629

You deserved it 1 713

By yupthissucks - 13/04/2015 09:00 - United States - Newnan

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 059

You deserved it 2 761

By .. - 13/09/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 175

You deserved it 4 102

Ties that bind

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 08:58 - United States

Today, I offered to give my ex a ride home from work. He and I ended on good terms years ago, we just aren't compatible with each other. I dropped him off and not ten seconds later, he came back out looking sick. His fiancee was inside having sex with MY new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 519

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 25/04/2013 15:10 - Canada - Midland

Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 816

You deserved it 15 303

By tiredofcrazy - 18/03/2014 09:14 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 716

You deserved it 7 474

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 5 980

By Anonymous - 28/01/2019 12:00 - United States - Arcade

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary is closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now everytime I pee, It not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 437

You deserved it 203

By Scooter - 25/09/2018 05:00

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 537

You deserved it 694

By ananymous - 01/11/2012 03:04 - United States - Spencerport

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 649

You deserved it 2 794

Worst father ever

By Dick. - 13/05/2021 22:01

Today, my father was watching the story on the TV news of a girl who was killed by an Uber driver when trying to return home. The only thing he said was, "Serves her well for being a slut." I have two younger sisters and one among them had a miscarriage after her abusive ex-boyfriend raped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 97

Vulture

By Some people - 27/03/2021 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my flatmate was criticising his nephew for being too lazy to get a job. His nephew actually has a physical disability, so I pointed out he never had a job since he got 50 rental properties at 19 years-old when his dad died and makes a fortune on the rent. He then told me that waiting for his dad to die was his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 132

By Hopper - 03/12/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I was the only carhop at work for the last 2 hours. In that time, I waited on about 50 cars. I make server pay so I depend on tips, but none of them tipped me even a penny. I averaged under $3 an hour tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 554

You deserved it 339

By sofked - 09/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 602

You deserved it 2 174

By killmenow - 23/04/2014 14:54 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 771

You deserved it 14 362

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 495

You deserved it 5 159

By Anonymous - 06/03/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 551

You deserved it 49 758

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 710

You deserved it 16 469

By R281780 - 14/02/2016 15:53 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 332

You deserved it 4 141

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 236

You deserved it 1 346

Authentification required

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 10:01

Today, after registering my cellphone as my secondary authentication device for my campus account, it died for good. Despite still being logged in, most of my college's services are now locked behind a code sent to my unresponsive phone, including the ability to register any new authentication devices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 106

Why do people do this?

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 208

You deserved it 125

By homerde - 05/02/2011 06:29 - France

Today, and even at this very moment, my ex, who I'm still in love with, is having sex with her new boyfriend. He's my neighbor and she's making a lot more noise with him than she did with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 232

You deserved it 6 982

The unexpected

By RikkiTikkiTavi - 12/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 3 452

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 639

You deserved it 3 593

By yoked - 18/12/2009 03:48 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 121

You deserved it 4 614

By aerythia - 08/12/2012 16:12 - United States - Nashville

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 5 486

By pogodrake - 24/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 2 840

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 00:37 - United States - San Angelo

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 493

You deserved it 7 779

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Top comments

fhqwhgads94 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:02

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:16

I would be one of the people struggling not to laugh. That was perfectly timed.

clemsonfan92 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 1:59

hahahahaha!!!! and first!!!

emo_Onsterr 0

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Friday 16 July 2010 12:09

lol

humorizer 14

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Sunday 30 October 2011 16:35

Hoof hearted?!

washburn_fml 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:00

hahahaha that's awesome. if no one knew it was you for sure, then that's not an fml at all.

showrunner 0

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 2:58

that's a MLIG

StijnJanssen 0

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Wednesday 16 June 2010 18:01

FAKE

gun7runner 5

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:01

that's not a fml...that's just hilarious, unless you're a chick

Bobby64 29

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Thursday 28 July 2011 16:46

Yeah, we all know it's funny if a guy farts, but disgusting if a "chick" does. >_>

RadikulRam 16

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Saturday 29 October 2011 12:58

#3 It was a queef!

Mars_bar123 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:02

that's just gross.

aFMLaddict 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 9:47

HAHAHAHAHAH I guess you scared the living crap outta the people near you, atleast I wouldv been scared. Hearing nothing but complete silence and all the sudden hear a raging fart come out of nothing.

OleShammy 0

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Friday 17 July 2009 9:27

Sheer brilliance, this FML. Although it it would be almost impossible for anyone to know it was you unless you were standing in a significantly different spot than the rest of the group.

iMuffinKat 16

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Saturday 21 May 2016 6:52

-_- how? You must've been twelve when you wrote this comment.Everyone farts. Even you. Staying back and judging people who do doesn't make you cool.

fhqwhgads94 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:02

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

vee_baby 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:03

im sure no one knew- if the lights were out. (; still, that's hilarious.. i'm sure people just thought you were trying to be a smart alleck about it.

MYdykINyaAZZsss 0

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Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:18

your life is great if you pulled it off without anybody knowing it was you lol

FMLz92 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:03

well at least it was dark.. good luck to anyone trying to prove it

Sae_Ghelk 6

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 5:24

Yes, standing in a spot seperated from the group with an embarrased look on your face. Who's gonna know?

KallyKal 9

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Sunday 13 November 2011 3:50

Agreed!

cryssycakesx3 22

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Tuesday 27 May 2014 15:15

those people must have night vision if they were able to see him.

earwaxisyummy 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:04

LMFAO thank you for making my day :)

jess_138 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 2:05

hahahahahahah you should've blamed looked at the person next to you with a what the fuck expression on your face

blocparty 0

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Sunday 16 January 2011 13:17

I'v seen an fml to contredict what you just suggested. The guy who tried to give the "wtf look" to a random person in the elevator got busted because the guy yelled back at him saying "It was this asshole!"