Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

by musicmaniac13 / 03/18/2011 at 3:08pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2011 at 12:14pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

by emm / 03/18/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

by B-rent / 03/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States / Work

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

by nosleeptilpissoff / 03/18/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

by anon / 03/18/2011 at 8:36am / Love

Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML

by karmavictim / 03/18/2011 at 7:28am / Animals

Today, I was woken up by my 5 year old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her tooth brush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2011 at 5:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I went to the airport to start the amazing 3 week vacation in Costa Rica that I've been saving for and planning for more than a year. They wouldn't let me on the plane because my passport expires in less than 6 months. FML

by anonymous / 03/18/2011 at 3:35am / Holidays

Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML

by hopeless / 03/18/2011 at 1:32am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

livewire1701's comment : Your dad is awesome!

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Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my bosses office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

by inpuredeceit / 03/17/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 6:39pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Money