Work: Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old... - FML

By unemployed - 10/03/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 576

You deserved it 7 439

BO Central

Animal control

Relatable

By jelrid - 13/07/2016 04:38 - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 862

You deserved it 3 911

By God the smell - 09/08/2018 22:00

Today, my husband had a bad stomach bug and fever. While I was at work, he had diarrhoea but couldn't make it to the toilet so he went in the bin next to his desk, crawled back into bed, and passed out. It sat there in this heatwave for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 013

You deserved it 275

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 17:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 764

You deserved it 4 049

By CatOwner - 12/07/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 718

You deserved it 3 272

By DatAss - 15/01/2016 10:56

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 933

You deserved it 2 449

By lukas - 11/01/2014 00:24 - Canada - Lyndhurst

Spicy

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 787

You deserved it 8 435

By womboman - 30/07/2011 20:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 657

You deserved it 3 205

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 215

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 79

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 576

You deserved it 30 068

By EmbarrassedChild - 30/07/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 308

You deserved it 1 897

By ohdeardarling - 14/06/2009 13:08 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 673

You deserved it 60 166

By RavingLunatic - 01/05/2015 22:17 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 235

You deserved it 24 699

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 914

You deserved it 10 514

By nickname - 14/09/2009 09:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 919

You deserved it 35 179

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 661

You deserved it 3 914

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 2 517

By Still No Ring - 15/06/2016 21:49 - United States - Lisbon

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walks over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar and a note that says "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 854

You deserved it 1 462

By goatvideosarelame - 24/05/2011 07:31 - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 369

You deserved it 3 455

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 510

You deserved it 223

By JustAGiftCardPlease - 16/06/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I received the box my parents sent me for my birthday. Contents were a travel first-aid kit, and a remote control robot toy, with an age recommendation on the box of 8. I'm 29. They thought that since I'm an engineer I would like the toy. They also think I'll hurt myself with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 973

You deserved it 3 807

By anon - 04/05/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 708

You deserved it 104 258

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 118

You deserved it 8 259

By sickened - 21/09/2014 18:23 - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 781

You deserved it 8 283

By slicero - 07/12/2016 04:40

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 979

You deserved it 628

Student Hell

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 04:00

Today, I'm studying in another city. My tutor hates me because of my looks and accent. I have no friends, computer or internet outside of uni. I live in a room I rent at an old couple's house. Due to a flimsy door, I hear everything they do or say, and vice versa. I can't move from the bed. If I do, their dog, who guards my door, starts barking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 177

By Jessica - 21/08/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 911

You deserved it 3 467

By akieferr - 03/09/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 729

You deserved it 14 710

By bluesox4 - 06/02/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 187

You deserved it 4 109

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 12 654

Knowledge is power

By mrnikc - 24/03/2020 02:04 - United States

Today, my mother told me the sun was the largest planet in the solar system. When I told her it was a star, she accused me of lying. We had to bring Google into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 635

You deserved it 115

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 15:48 - United States - Nashville

Spicy

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 881

You deserved it 4 676

By JC - 22/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 698

You deserved it 39 850

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 15:24 - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 4 819

By becca - 21/08/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes waiting by a stop sign. The two cars in front of me were taking a long time to move, so I began beeping and getting angry. Turns out, these cars were parked and I was holding up a line of traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 354

You deserved it 39 260

Revenge

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 25/12/2020 09:58 - United States - West Des Moines

Today, after I divorced my husband because of his extreme alcoholism, he's now sober and got his life together and I see the man I fell madly in love with. Apparently, getting better for revenge meant more than getting better for the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 184

So much in common

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 20:01 - New Zealand

Today, my old high school mates organised a dinner hangout so that my recent ex, who is part of our group, could introducing her new boyfriend to us. I was late and the only remaining seat available was next to the new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 235

By Ashley - 03/05/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 714

You deserved it 2 250

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 20:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 265

You deserved it 1 846

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 01:34 - United States - Ridge

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 065

You deserved it 2 986

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Send a private message

Tuesday 10 March 2009 12:36

Take them to court. I'm sure a jury can see the logic and misjustice in firing someone for not wanting piss on their shoes.

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 March 2009 13:24

I am from Europe and I keep reading about crazy FML stories of people getting fired because of stupid customers. Is this quite common in America? Is the customer really always right regardless of what happens??? I am quite shocked. Many time have I told customers to f-off, with the support of my managers, simply because we get paid doesn't mean we're prostitutes who can get peed on - with a smile -

Comments

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 12:17

thats horrible! but believe me they probably fired you because they needed a excuse to do so, with the economy the way it is around the world, anything is good enough to fire someone. Don't mind the mother, probably trying to not make her kid's embarrassment worst then it already is by having a stranger tell her off because of her son.

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 17:42

hey, i dont know why no one has noticed.... this is a copy of an old FML..... exactly the same one! fail....

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 8:27

i woulda done more than just talked to the mother... and when she told me to mind my own business i woulda gave them a reason to fire me. And your right... this is a copy

taradeborde87 3

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Monday 16 January 2012 3:23

#1, intentionally peeing on someone's shoe is not an accident, and telling her that she needs to take him to the bathroom is in no way telling her off! Not sure what you were reading, because this is clearly about a bratty kid with no manners and a bitchy mom who can't be bothered to watch her kid!

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 12:24

Any parent who takes their embarrassment out on others is only making themselves look worse. I can't help but think you weren't exactly pleasant with her though which may have what caused you to be fired. I wouldn't have done anything different though. And forget about the economy, people use the dumbest reasons to fire people all the time.

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 12:36

Take them to court. I'm sure a jury can see the logic and misjustice in firing someone for not wanting piss on their shoes.

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 12:58

I agree with #3, they can't fire you for Mini-R. Kelly taking a piss on your shoes.

ellykhoshkele 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 13:06

#3, i agree! and actually they can! she can definately sue!

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 13:24

I am from Europe and I keep reading about crazy FML stories of people getting fired because of stupid customers. Is this quite common in America? Is the customer really always right regardless of what happens??? I am quite shocked. Many time have I told customers to f-off, with the support of my managers, simply because we get paid doesn't mean we're prostitutes who can get peed on - with a smile -

Send a private message

Monday 14 November 2011 4:13

OMG now I wanna live in Europe, if you can tell people off like that ALL the time and not only not get fired but have the support of your co-workers, I now worship Europeans. Lol jk, I wouldnt go THAT far. XD

blargerpanda 13

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Sunday 18 June 2017 10:54

Some companies yes

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 13:30

#6 That really is how it is most of the time. Ignorant and rude customers get their way all the time.

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 13:35

I would bring the hammer down on the company. Sue for wrongful termination.

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 13:39

Most grocery stores have strong unions. Call your representative.

JFox 8

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 14:05

notalwaysright.com

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 120

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 295