All the FMLs

By Noname - 31/12/2008 18:03 - France

Today, the incredibly handsome, talented, hilarious, and intelligent man that I've fallen head over heels like no other for is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 721

You deserved it 4 443

By Aintnosunshine - 31/12/2008 03:48 - France

Today, I attended a speed dating evening. After 7 minutes, the girl told me she wasn't interested. I asked her at what point of the conversation she had made up her mind, she answered: "When you said 'Hello'. Goodbye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 465

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 03:21 - France

Today, my first and only true date ended with the girl saying, "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 087

You deserved it 2 498

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 01:36 - France

Today, I'm spending New Year's Eve absolutely alone. My girlfriend canceled our plans the day before so she could spend it with strangers and booze. Somehow, I still love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 104

You deserved it 11 354

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 20:30 - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 957

You deserved it 7 012

Another fine mess

By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2008 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553

You deserved it 25 469

By Noname - 30/12/2008 16:53 - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 018

You deserved it 4 926

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 11:16 - France

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 360

You deserved it 3 803

By Simon - 30/12/2008 11:14 - France

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 136

You deserved it 53 564

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 10:41 - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 890

You deserved it 3 322

By Cody - 30/12/2008 09:35 - France

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 2 319

By mimimi - 30/12/2008 06:24 - France

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 990

You deserved it 5 975

By sneezer - 30/12/2008 04:54 - France

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 188

You deserved it 7 046

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 04:34 - France

Today, I found out that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 475

You deserved it 31 610

Bedtime story

By Hellau - 29/12/2008 10:56 - France

Today, I was babysitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two-hour struggle, I finally managed to get them into bed. I then asked them what they wanted before going to sleep. The eldest replied: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 446

You deserved it 3 124

News to me

By looz - 29/12/2008 07:21 - France

Today, I went out for a drink with my girlfriend. Everything was going smoothly until her phone rang, she took the call and cut whoever it was off quite quickly by saying, "I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of a break-up." I certainly wasn't aware. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 925

You deserved it 2 155

By noname - 29/12/2008 06:09 - France

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 114

You deserved it 3 229

By pop - 29/12/2008 01:41 - France

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 024

You deserved it 2 019

By bundie - 28/12/2008 07:02 - France

Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 494

You deserved it 5 119

By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 771

You deserved it 5 830

Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 319

You deserved it 23 924

By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 535

You deserved it 18 969

By jamjamy - 26/12/2008 04:53 - France

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see better with them. She replied, "Oh, yeah, you've got two big zits on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 054

You deserved it 2 641

By poupi - 25/12/2008 12:57 - France

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 533

You deserved it 6 949

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 165

You deserved it 2 028

By Marou - 25/12/2008 01:54 - France

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 362

You deserved it 11 128

By Dope - 24/12/2008 11:23 - United States

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 734

You deserved it 23 316

By Colin - 24/12/2008 05:56 - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 392

You deserved it 3 041

By Lililaloose - 24/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, while I was looking for a file on my boyfriend's hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn't really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn't another girl - it was him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 928

You deserved it 3 628

By blabla - 23/12/2008 08:57 - France

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 374

You deserved it 4 776

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The Top

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me. When confronted she told me, "I didn't get wet so it wasn't cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 674

You deserved it 5 328

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 817

You deserved it 4 348

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that secondhand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 331

You deserved it 3 766

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 708

You deserved it 1 324

Today, I had a Tinder coffee date. He picked me up, we went to a coffee shop, we talked about work. I was having a fine time, that is until I went to the restroom and came back to find him, his car, and my phone charger gone. That was my only charger, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 337

You deserved it 876

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 878

You deserved it 3 022