Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o... - FML

By Noname - 9/3/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

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Season finale

Car Wars

This ain't working out

By AreYouSerious - 27/8/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

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By Panda_Bearr - 3/9/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

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By not a dumbass pothead - 8/4/2014 22:04 - United States - Sparks

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

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By Noalixah - 27/10/2008 02:22 - Finland

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

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By flatchested Sam - 1/12/2013 00:16 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my mom said I should start wearing push up bras to make myself look better. I was wearing one when she said that. FML

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By blueballed - 29/11/2014 21:08 - Germany - Kiel

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

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By TeddyBearKiller - 7/10/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

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By HughGorgy - 20/3/2009 05:37 - Canada

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

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By Whytetrash - 20/6/2013 06:32 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 16:33 - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By firstdategonebad - 12/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

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By fuck kids - 6/6/2013 18:24 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

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By unwanted - 1/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Named and shamed

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

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By regret - 30/12/2020 01:00 - Australia - Warrnambool

My regret

Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML

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By Getmeout - 31/5/2012 06:50 - United States - Hartfield

Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML

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By gymgirl - 17/12/2013 23:48 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

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By PleaseDontBeSerious - 4/11/2012 05:30 - Canada

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong" player. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2016 18:22

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

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By nthor - 11/3/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

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By hylianprincess - 25/9/2014 11:19 - United States

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2016 23:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that if I was caught yawning again, I'd be fired. FML

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By blue15564 - 26/9/2016 21:52 - United States - Davenport

Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML

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By brighteyes - 31/1/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I tried to befriend the lonely boy who sits at the end of my table at lunch. He always sleeps or does homework during lunch. I walked over to him, tripped, and spilled my open bottle of water on his jeans. I apologized profusely and wiped off his pants with napkins. He got hard. FML

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By Tootsy_Roll_Pop - 23/5/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

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By miapapaya - 15/2/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

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By Noname - 9/2/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was talking with some of my friends who are girls. They were all complaining about how there was no good boys left to ask to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Hoping for an invite I mentioned I was still availiable. They just laughed at me and invited me to come dress shopping with them. FML

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By Shelbs - 5/11/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

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By honey soy - 29/1/2012 06:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

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By Nicky_ham - 6/1/2016 04:56 - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

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By Till We Pass Out - 3/10/2015 15:30 - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 23:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

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By itstillhurts - 21/12/2009 04:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML

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By - 20/1/2017 22:00

Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML

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By DumbCuntApparently - 27/2/2013 20:52 - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2011 21:53 - Ireland

Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML

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By FOXYgrandpa441 - 19/7/2012 00:41 - United States - Casper

Today, I was getting lunch at a fast food restaurant. My boss was in front of me, and in order to get on his good side I offered to pay. Instead, I got fired because I guess my boss assumed I was making fun of his salary, which I knew nothing about. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2013 15:03 - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

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By flea-bitten - 6/4/2013 19:41 - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

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Top comments

By ozzie2010 | 0

#24065 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:17

dude, take the kid with you nxt time...

By lametta | 0

#24085 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:56

Jello isn't liquidy... unless he mushed it into his pjs, you could've just picked it off and wiped the sticky off. No need to change them.

Regardless, you shouldn't have left him alone.

COMMENTS

By Mnemic | 5

#24056 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:09

At least you made sure he couldn't fall or something....

By ozzie2010 | 0

#24065 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:17

dude, take the kid with you nxt time...

By Tehalon | 0

#24072 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:30

So he fell asleep naked in the chair in which he was eating jell-o from just a moment ago? Wish i could fall asleep so quickly.

Reply

Link5794 | 16

#5007843 - Friday 5 October 2012 17:38

I thought he fell and got knocked out.

By lametta | 0

#24085 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:56

Jello isn't liquidy... unless he mushed it into his pjs, you could've just picked it off and wiped the sticky off. No need to change them.

Regardless, you shouldn't have left him alone.

Reply

_CauseBatMan | 5

#5966550 - Friday 6 June 2014 6:05

It was probably watery jello or something I mean he is 3...

Reply

zanathegirl | 6

#6623345 - Wednesday 8 June 2016 6:19

maaaybe it was Jell-O brand pudding? that stuff stains fast.

By hybridstar | 0

#24089 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 10:11

poor kid...

By MasaMushia | 0

#24119 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 11:15

Think of this as a new opportunity for another job!

By Chibi_fml | 9

#24128 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 11:39

The first rule of babysitting young children is to never leave them alone. I guess you discovered the reason for that the hard way.

Reply

chiddy_bang71 | 0

#3223352 - Friday 2 September 2011 16:57

No, the first rule of baby sitting is don't have sex with the baby.

By ijrnelson | 0

#24136 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 11:57

#8 I also think the rule of babysitting is don't take their clothes off and leave them naked in the living room!

Especially in the Everyones-a-perve world we live in these days.

By Gringo_fml | 0

#24142 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 12:08

Sigh, even my 12 year old cousin knows not to leave a baby on their own...

Good luck getting another chance

Reply

KxHoneyCombxP | 24

#6230674 - Friday 13 March 2015 6:55

3 yr olds aren't babies. I have a 3 year old and I leave that kid (relatively) to his own devices while I am in another room since he was 2.

By fortunecookie_fml | 0

#24226 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 14:15

this doesn't make sense at all. you can't "spill" jello? and even if you did, it wouldn't mess up something so bad that you would have to change it. I would understand if you were making it... but you obviously weren't soooooooooo...

Reply

BagelPower | 0

#987820 - Monday 3 May 2010 5:16

Auctually some Jello brands put liquid in the plastic cup, to help it last longer. And they do get messy. How do you think Jello is made? I have had bad experiances with Jello while babysitting.