Transportation: Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents....

By dileigh - United States

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

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Transportation

Crowded House

Buyer's market

Grow up

By GHTD - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

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By smalltownkid - United States - Houston

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

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By honorstudent - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

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By Shitsuo01 - United States - Douglasville

Today, I noticed a small bite on my arm. I couldn't figure out what it came from until I saw a small insect crawling out of my bra. FML

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By Ryan - United States

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

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By seeking new employment - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

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By Vlen - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

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By cuppycakeslove - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

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By sleepy2010 - United States

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

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By NoSleep - United States

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

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By dumbblonde - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

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By epistaxis - Australia

My ears!

Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

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By roark0806 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a Bo Bice concert for her birthday. She loves him so I bought us second row seats. After we got there we ran into some friends of hers sitting way back in the lawn section, and of course she wanted to sit with them. I paid $300 to sit on the grass and watch Bo Bice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 20:01 - Canada

Dried out

Today, after spending $300 replacing a dryer and getting the vents cleaned out when our tenants complained their clothes weren't getting dry, my husband and I realized that it was actually the washing machine that was broken. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were chatting on MSN. He had to go run down to the corner market but left his webcam on. Shortly after he left I watched his mother steal 60 dollars out of his wallet. He doesn't believe me. FML

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By ummno - United States

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

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By Peter80 - Netherlands

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML

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By FML136969 - United States - Oxford

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

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By dejected - United States

Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML

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By nowbrokevaper - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

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By blue - United States

Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you will be labeled as someone with a short temper. However the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML

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By GDubeau24 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

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By accidentalnorman

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

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By youngblood - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2021 22:01

Find me someone to love

Today, I re-started the Grindr app several times because I wasn’t receiving notifications. Turns out it wasn’t malfunctioning, it was just that I didn’t get a single message. FML

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By Husband to be....maybe

Today, I found out I was allergic to bees, the hard way, at my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

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By malebonding - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

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By sadinthesack - United States

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

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By owie - Canada

Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML

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By a268 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

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By Pk45 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

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By - France

Today, my first (and only true) date ended with the girl saying "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian". FML

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By StillDrowsy - United States

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

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By Anonymous

Fear factor

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

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Top comments

By Danny_Shakes | 0

#25292 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:00

My parents bought me a suitcase after graduation so I could move all my shit our of their house.

By trying_madly | 0

#25284 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:57

how funny, that's what i got for my 18th birthday from my parents, to add to the three i already had. My older brother got a computer.

I guess bath robes are the universal sign of parental love.

COMMENTS

By yeahreally | 6

#25274 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:55

that sucks....either its the recession, parents who play favorites or just downright suck

Immatheprez | 0

#2785130 - Wednesday 29 June 2011 16:05

maybe they want you to be the next hugh hefner????

rcbarnes | 24

#4090697 - Sunday 26 February 2012 7:31

Way to re-enforce the gender stereotypes, eh?

patriotsfan12 | 4

#5232664 - Monday 10 December 2012 7:09

Guess they ran out of money :(

Kielnmsoftly | 26

#6440286 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 22:42

@122 go take your sjw ass to another site.

By surething | 0

#25282 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:57

My parents didnt even want to buy me dinner when I graduated...

aznbitch | 0

#851188 - Saturday 13 February 2010 8:37

wow imm sorry. when i graduated 8th grade; my parents got me a MacBook.

PurpleSquirrel | 0

#973779 - Sunday 4 April 2010 1:56

that's because you're asian

lntreis_fml | 0

#1611463 - Wednesday 27 October 2010 17:15

lol

Noelletakumi | 36

#6074004 - Thursday 25 September 2014 22:30

99, nobody cares.

By Kassad_fml | 0

#25283 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:57

That`s not good at all.. bad parenting.

By trying_madly | 0

#25284 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:57

how funny, that's what i got for my 18th birthday from my parents, to add to the three i already had. My older brother got a computer.

I guess bath robes are the universal sign of parental love.

By ohhboyy | 0

#25291 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:00

dont they feel slightly awkward, or are they too ignorant to notice how wrong that is

By Danny_Shakes | 0

#25292 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:00

My parents bought me a suitcase after graduation so I could move all my shit our of their house.

By replicate | 0

#25294 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:01

My mom bought me a pair of tweezers... she bought my brothers a weeklong trip to London and a car. So I feel you there.

By generalsmith | 0

#25297 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By tanmandown | 0

#25310 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:05

Buy them a stick of butter for their anniversary to show how much YOU care about THEM... and how whore-ish you think they are for pulling this sort of crap on you.

By zoopy_fml | 0

#25316 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:08

Economy's in the shitter, thems the times!

Maybe all of the gifts are meant to be combined for one joint experience. Ring+ bathrobe + Europe = YES!

JustTemporary | 24

#4786617 - Wednesday 8 August 2012 8:24

Bracelet*