Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

by 5minsolder / 02/07/2011 at 8:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

by um / 02/07/2011 at 7:54pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2011 at 4:14pm / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Miscellaneous

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2011 at 2:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML

by anonomous / 02/07/2011 at 2:51pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

by hushnow / 02/07/2011 at 1:04pm / United States / Work

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddently interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

by superdriver / 02/07/2011 at 12:46pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

by Anon. / 02/07/2011 at 12:44pm / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Intimacy

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

by Lindsay / 02/07/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

by Raprotcommander / 02/07/2011 at 10:47am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out "Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?" The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2011 at 6:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

by oxbonxo / 02/07/2011 at 3:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

by bob / 02/07/2011 at 1:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Money