Work: Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A...

By Whatever01 - 10/03/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 188

You deserved it 93 935

Work

Own it

I can't quit you

Stomach bug?

By WTF - 07/03/2011 09:19

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 026

You deserved it 3 054

By Rman - 02/11/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I got a letter confirming I had dropped out of college. I received this letter shortly after completing the 10th essay I had finished this week as a result of me deciding to finally apply myself to my schoolwork. Turns out that while dropping a class, I checked Drop All instead of Drop 1. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 560

You deserved it 41 871

By gb - 18/08/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 8 834

By Dariya - 13/02/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 637

You deserved it 4 649

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 534

You deserved it 4 345

Bugging out

By Jordan - 02/04/2015 19:58 - Jordan - Amman

Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 547

You deserved it 8 431

By Anonymous - 30/03/2014 10:04 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 673

You deserved it 6 885

By Daria_Weiner - 18/07/2011 18:23 - Russian Federation

Today, at my anniversary party and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 420

You deserved it 48 521

The only one who could ever reach me…

By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 07:59 - United States - Tazewell

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 797

You deserved it 3 152

By Still Dry - 18/08/2010 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a water park, and the fee to get in was $39.95. Once I got in I was really thirsty, so I got a soda and then I hear over the intercom that the park is closing due to a clog in the cleaning system. I paid 43.67 for a soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 359

You deserved it 4 226

By SallyGeen - 27/07/2011 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 597

You deserved it 40 278

By TrolleyCollector - 13/05/2016 09:10 - Australia - Seymour

Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 120

You deserved it 1 986

By Anonymous - 05/03/2018 01:30

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 306

By theboy6494 - 10/08/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip in Paris, I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of 2 years out and propose to her. I sneak into my house as a surprise and she's having it off with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 179

You deserved it 4 141

Fight! Fight! Fight!

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 17:54 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 538

You deserved it 1 997

By Maddii1112 - 10/08/2016 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 506

You deserved it 1 088

Richard

By hot sweet.... not - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with Play-Doh and made a sculpture that looked like a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 598

You deserved it 6 154

By eric4 - 23/05/2013 20:11 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 352

You deserved it 4 346

Snitches get bitches

By d for vendetta - 21/04/2021 23:00

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 217

By craZycatLady - 20/04/2015 18:06 - United States - Mission

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 3 605

By AnnaMarie. - 28/02/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 476

You deserved it 3 832

By Space†Witch - 03/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I am 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band that hired me won't answer their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 019

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 09/01/2013 07:02 - Israel

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 2 741

By snoozlagist - 30/10/2010 04:52 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I began to fall asleep. Suddenly, a man next to me started laughing very loudly, scaring me and jolting me out from my nap. I was so scared, I reflexively punched the girl in front of me in the face. I was pinned down by three other men while the cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 426

You deserved it 10 345

By Anonymous - 08/07/2015 20:50 - United States - Saddle River

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 772

You deserved it 2 058

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 331

You deserved it 3 258

By radiantum13 - 09/06/2016 02:33

Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 000

You deserved it 1 048

By alphafoxy21 - 05/05/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, after spending 8 months and $11,000 on school, I was denied a job in my chosen career field. They told me they decided to go with someone with more experience. So who got the job? One of my classmates. This is her first job. EVER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 839

You deserved it 3 744

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 165

You deserved it 4 251

By ineedayob - 18/05/2013 20:36 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 842

You deserved it 3 748

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 571

You deserved it 3 897

Don't give up

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 31/05/2020 23:00

Today, after finally putting my foot down and trying to kick my husband out for his alcoholism, I got a lecture from his parents about how much of a piece of shit I am for "giving up" on their son. I've been trying to get him to get help for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 161

By Enyo - 01/01/2013 17:35 - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 606

You deserved it 4 306

Excuse you?

By done - 07/08/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 171

You deserved it 181

Backwards world

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 02/05/2013 12:50 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 417

You deserved it 6 768

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 333

You deserved it 52 139

By thisrllysucks - 05/09/2009 14:16 - United States

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 626

You deserved it 10 620

By anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I was taking my phone out of my pocket when it caught on the fabric and began to fall. I managed to catch it, but also smacked myself in the balls in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 2 184

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Top comments

Jaywin 3

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:07

What a horrible lie. You should've seen this one coming though. Karma is a real bitch.

theEnemy 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:26

Never lie about some relative dying just to get away from something.

Jaywin 3

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:07

What a horrible lie. You should've seen this one coming though. Karma is a real bitch.

chelzy 0

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Friday 25 June 2010 11:08

I hope you die early and in pain.

code2264 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 22:44

your going to hell for that lie

willthisonework 0

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Tuesday 23 November 2010 3:14

chyea it is...karma is a reallll bitchh

ballinball 14

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Saturday 31 October 2015 5:17

so is op

LivToFail 28

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Monday 18 January 2016 2:06

Ya know whst they say, karmas only a bitch if you are one.

Maxwellminpin 19

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Thursday 30 June 2016 18:39

Who said that?

Kassad_fml 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:26

Fuck no, that just can not happen.. you could come up with just simple lie but that just stupidness, you did really get bad reputation on yourself among your co workers

theEnemy 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:26

Never lie about some relative dying just to get away from something.

hazz_fml 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:27

So you lied about someone in your family dying? How nice are you.

Gringo_fml 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:33

You make me sick

wtfrig 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:36

what a horrible person you are

Tehalon 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 16:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ArielTheMermaid 17

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 17:17

Shoulda said she was being cremated

drpepperking10 18

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Wednesday 27 July 2016 2:50

My grandmother was cremated but we still had a funeral.

firearmada 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 17:02

You should be fired and let someone that actualy wants to work do your job.

shantoyamuchluv 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 17:14

Its people like you that make me wish stupidity was painful. You deserve to get fired just for being a dumbass sry2say

KY_Jelly 10

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Tuesday 10 August 2010 7:23

You're calling the OP stupid and yet you can't spell 'sorry to say' properly. You really make me sick. Before long people are going to be writing novels using phrases like 'omg wtf' and 'lmao rofl'. Honestly, learn English. Please. For yourself and the people around you who have to put up with your stupidity. That is all, thank you.

shantoyamuchluv 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 17:17

I mean really who the FUCK says that their great grandma died? If you're going to be a douchebag, why not say it was your grandma or aunt? I mean come on now. At least then you'll only be a douchebag instead of a stupid douchebag.

poorjudgement 26

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Monday 23 November 2015 1:05

Well, while I have no words for what OP did, it is possible that all great grandmothets have been dead, which probably wasn't the case woth grandmothers and/or autns, and OP felt better "killing" someone already dead. That said... There is special place in hell for people lying abouth deaths.