Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Illinois) / Love

punkylemon's comment : You Fucking Desereved it Jackass.

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Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

by Username / 12/27/2010 at 3:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband finally admitted to his mother he'd got married. No wonder she wasn't involved with the wedding. FML

by motherlessbride / 12/27/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

by boreed / 12/27/2010 at 12:37am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

by cloud7 / 12/26/2010 at 10:40pm / Health

Idahoarmywife's comment : Save up your money for a skin reduction surgery. you can actually donate the loose skin to burn victims. congrats on the weight loss!

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Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

by strwbrry / 12/26/2010 at 9:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to all 4 of my wheels stolen from my car. The thieves were kind enough to leave the car resting on wooden blocks and bricks. FML

by JennieA / 12/26/2010 at 6:36pm / Transportation

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 4:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

by person / 12/26/2010 at 12:59pm / Jordan (Amman Governorate) / Health

f_alltheirlives's comment : Dime sacks? Plums? You should trade those in for a pair of regular testicles

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Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML

by muffdriver / 12/26/2010 at 10:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 1:10am / United States / Intimacy