Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 11:53pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I brought a cupcake to school for my friend's birthday. After taking one bite, she exclaimed that it was the worst thing she had ever tasted and that we should sue the store that I bought it from. I baked it myself. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 10:42pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 9:58pm / United States / Intimacy

petite_amber150's comment : gross. wash much?

See all the comments

Today, I was depressed because my boobs are really small for a 20 year old woman. To make me feel better my boyfriend said, "As long as they're bigger than mine." They weren't. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, after years of hard work, I had an interview at the highest ranking university in the world 800 miles from where I live. It snowed heavily for the last 2 days closing every road, railway, and airport causing me to miss the interview. There is no rescheduling. FML

by hulio88 / 12/06/2010 at 7:37pm / Work

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

by Addicted2FML303 / 12/06/2010 at 5:50pm / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 5:16pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids

Today, I found my iPhone. Too bad it was when I was getting my clothes out of the washer. FML

by Kris / 12/06/2010 at 3:31pm / United States / Geek

Today, I was smoking while driving. A cop pulled me over and asked if I knew what I did wrong. I thought he could smell the tobacco, so I decided to just admit it. As it turns out, I was going well over the speed limit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 2:11pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh / 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I have Raynaud's, a condition where your veins basically shut off all blood flow to your hands and feet if you get cold. Turns out "cold" for me is anything below 70 degrees. Oh, and I live in Ohio. FML

by iceicebaby / 12/06/2010 at 10:42am / United States (Ohio) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.