Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 4:37pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 2:23pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy

Today, my friend commented on my short skirt and, thinking she was being funny, tried to pull it down. I quickly moved away, causing it to come off in her hands. My shocked scream attracted the attention of at least a dozen bystanders. FML

by glam300 / 12/30/2010 at 1:21pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

by depressednupset / 12/30/2010 at 10:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

by georgiahick / 12/30/2010 at 9:09am / Intimacy

Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML

by thatsucks / 12/30/2010 at 4:39am / Love

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

by ronniewciv / 12/30/2010 at 2:48am / Work

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 2:14am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I realized I want school to start again so that I won't be sitting alone in my room all day anymore. FML

by loneliness / 12/30/2010 at 12:48am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00am. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 12:08am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

by ihateteenagers / 12/29/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (New York) / Kids

NitroTonicsFML's comment : Karma will him someday.

See all the comments

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too funny". FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 8:28pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy