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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

#12332951
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39628) - you deserved it (3582)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:38pm - misc - by Tired (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

#12332692
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44386) - you deserved it (3737)

On 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by kiki - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML

#12331416
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (11436)

On 08/05/2010 at 1:00pm - love - by Luke - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

#12327925
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11189) - you deserved it (52919)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:14am - money - by 8to10days (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

#12326152
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9520) - you deserved it (45114)

On 08/05/2010 at 4:17am - health - by Somethingswrongwiththispic (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair... with her cousin. FML

#12322753
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58468) - you deserved it (4208)

On 08/05/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Drew - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

#12321960
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25128) - you deserved it (9345)

On 08/05/2010 at 12:38am - misc - by AmNot (woman) - United States

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

#12317472
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30332) - you deserved it (2475)

On 08/04/2010 at 9:13pm - misc - by Mustang (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

#12316575
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32287) - you deserved it (36566)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

#12316172
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29071) - you deserved it (2474)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Amandajean32 - United States

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

#12314301
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35008) - you deserved it (4864)

On 08/04/2010 at 6:14pm - misc - by drfeelgood93 - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

#12313320
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (9228)

On 08/04/2010 at 5:08pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML

#12312457
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30979) - you deserved it (4521)

On 08/04/2010 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by stuckonrepeat (man) - Ireland (Cork)



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