Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31902) - you deserved it (5789)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

#12935900
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29635) - you deserved it (15758)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm - kids - by BrokebyKids - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate's alarm clock going off at 6:00 in the morning. His bedroom door was locked, and he was passed out in his bed from drinking too much. It rang continuously for five and a half hours before it finally ran out of batteries. FML

#12934228
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31218) - you deserved it (3085)

On 09/06/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

#12933577
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11320) - you deserved it (37096)

On 09/06/2010 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by jackson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML

#12931199
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14191) - you deserved it (53326)

On 09/06/2010 at 8:50am - intimacy - by sad-sexed (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

callmecourtney's comment : YDI. If you didn't want to have sex, then you should have told him that you wouldn't have sex.

See all the comments →

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

#12930514
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36446) - you deserved it (16424)

On 09/06/2010 at 6:45am - misc - by Myself - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML

#12929615
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37441) - you deserved it (2760)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:35am - love - by mlove (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML

#12929120
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41807) - you deserved it (19403)

On 09/06/2010 at 3:37am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend got scared of a fly, freaked out, and accidentally punched me in the face. FML

#12926482
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30492) - you deserved it (3987)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

#12926382
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36743) - you deserved it (3525)

On 09/06/2010 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

#12924795
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24902) - you deserved it (3145)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:01pm - work - by christiner - Sent from mobile version

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

#12922106
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31793) - you deserved it (7514)

On 09/05/2010 at 8:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

#12920070
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25830) - you deserved it (6419)

On 09/05/2010 at 5:51pm - misc - by noonotme (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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