Miscellaneous: Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was...

By suckatlifeeexo - 25/04/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 360

You deserved it 16 972

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Trashy

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 427

You deserved it 3 215

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 838

You deserved it 8 138

By Anonymous - 11/02/2015 21:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 9 836

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 05:30 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 039

You deserved it 5 356

By over prtective father - 24/06/2014 04:35 - United States - Washington

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 566

You deserved it 5 532

Biker

By scottskidee - 12/04/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 490

You deserved it 24 994

By life// - 08/01/2013 23:56 - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 595

You deserved it 5 172

By NYMTS - 01/07/2011 23:22 - Australia

Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on, he could squeeze my boob for as long as he liked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 295

You deserved it 10 889

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 13:34 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 623

You deserved it 7 173

By Malíya - 04/05/2015 21:02 - United States - Perth Amboy

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 282

You deserved it 2 247

By eaglesmile - 03/04/2015 04:37 - India - Mumbai

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 273

You deserved it 8 615

By steveinnewsoh - 18/01/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 937

You deserved it 2 906

By jshibbz0993 - 23/11/2011 15:16 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 454

You deserved it 6 073

By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 348

You deserved it 3 643

By heart broken - 29/12/2013 09:05 - United States

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 518

You deserved it 4 745

By klutz - 27/02/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 430

You deserved it 6 042

By Anonymous - 10/06/2009 13:12 - United States

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 158

You deserved it 7 276

By Marie Foster - 27/07/2019 08:00 - United States

Today, I was talking to my online therapist about my problems with relationships, mainly that guys only want sex and don't listen to me. After I'd confided in him, and told him how I felt about my issues, he told me he would marry me and have my children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 207

Family matters

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 85

By ANON - 18/03/2016 16:04 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 630

You deserved it 8 571

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By undateable - 18/10/2020 02:01 - United States

Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 174

He tried.

By Anonymous - 09/11/2017 05:00

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 836

You deserved it 272

Convoluted storyline

By Krash The Koopa - 02/12/2020 11:58 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I discovered that the actress who played a girl I have a crush on faked her résumé. Not only that, but she wasn’t even interested in acting, she just wanted a job. And boom, she also voted for Trump. And I STILL have a crush on her character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 1 062

By sadguyme - 22/10/2012 07:31 - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 584

You deserved it 5 091

Two rooms, two atmospheres

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 16:58

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 134

You're fired!

By Schuyler Davis - 21/09/2020 02:01

Today, my employer fired me, less than a week before I could become permanent full-time staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 90

By rawr101 - 02/10/2010 06:25 - Australia

Today, I got a text from my ex: "I miss you." I was happy to hear this, so I replied "Really?" I got in return "Not really, I'm just really horny and thinking of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 838

You deserved it 5 774

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 603

You deserved it 3 551

Well shit.

By Wells Fargo Worker - 18/05/2018 19:00

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 338

You deserved it 221

By apple - 16/07/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 6 246

By Aaron Lewis - 07/07/2012 05:01 - United States - Topeka

Today, I bumped into a man on the street. I apologized and he picked up his wallet. To clear the awkward silence, I pointed out that his wallet looked like mine. It wasn't until I was on the next street that I realized it was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 10 714

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 16:27 - United States - Spanaway

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 924

You deserved it 3 905

By vicgal - 14/08/2009 18:33 - Canada

Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 908

You deserved it 10 650

By PO'd big bro - 13/01/2015 01:11 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 938

You deserved it 2 260

By Jen - 11/02/2011 09:02

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 829

You deserved it 6 315

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 04:38 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 131

You deserved it 2 135

By kaleigh - 31/05/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 725

You deserved it 10 159

Ticklish

By Username - 28/07/2010 11:20 - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said, "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was, "So does yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 400

You deserved it 32 525

By Somessedup - 09/09/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 936

You deserved it 4 585

By Anonymous - 06/07/2014 18:06 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 320

You deserved it 7 957

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washburn_fml 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:18

#1 I'm glad your life goal is now complete. OP: You deserve it. Sorry, but if you're going to put yourself in any kind of high pressure situation with others counting on you like that, you gotta get over little things like tampon strings.

audereyy 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:20

LOL. #1 your a jerk. anyway, that sucks, but if your a girl, how did you fall on top of a guy? girls and guys dont swim relays together. anyway its not like you could do anything about it right before you dove off, so it woulda just been easier to swim the whole thing and tuck it back in when you finished and were still in the water. its not that big of a deal i mean everyone knows girls have to wear tampons when they swim.

AtoZnumbersand_ 1

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:13

I CAN FINALLY SAY FIRST AND ANNOY EVERYONE. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

thepunman 11

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Thursday 30 May 2013 21:38

I'm gonna say, you didn't use the period properly.

washburn_fml 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:18

urlifesfked 0

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Monday 17 May 2010 5:19

I'm at the top!

superboboboi 0

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Monday 21 June 2010 7:40

you got dairy queened?

kewlster1 0

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Monday 19 July 2010 5:50

wow fail

xXCherrryBombXx 6

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Saturday 19 May 2012 20:18

Mm I could go for some dairy queen (;

AtoZnumbersand_ 1

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:19

So am I, wash, so am I.

audereyy 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:20

kingace 0

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Wednesday 24 March 2010 3:52

i wasn't aware they HAD to...

unluckyduckyz 0

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Saturday 26 February 2011 15:39

they don't. this means she was just on her period

chikachikawahwah 0

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Thursday 25 August 2011 5:58

Could be a mixed relay in a summer league team or something, in which case it's not really that serious considering summer league doesn't count for much.

nomnom5559922 0

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Tuesday 27 September 2011 21:36

Actually, yeah i'm a swimmer, and there are mixed relays. :)

THEBlade_fml 1

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Monday 6 February 2012 16:54

Actually, I'm a swimmer and there aren't mixed relays. In summer league we ever mixed, nor in just high school swim team.

CuriousSnail 16

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Saturday 27 February 2016 0:44

It depends on the league you are in. In some there are and in some there are not. In one swim league I swim in it is mixed, but on my highschool one it is not

boomBOOMshake 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:20

it's just a freaking tampon string, big deal. What would you rather have; first place medal or everyone on your team hating you because you lost them the race?

AtoZnumbersand_ 1

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:23

auderey i am amazing in every way shape and form. You on the other hand..

Arcturus_fml 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 16:27

YDI... unless you're a guy who was surprised by a tampon string mysteriously protruding from your speedo. As #4 mentioned, co-ed relays don't exist in competitive swimming TMK.