Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

by Zibby / 02/11/2011 at 12:51am / Intimacy

robc32ca's comment : washing is a better option

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Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

by Shivvy / 02/10/2011 at 10:24pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2011 at 10:21pm / China / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2011 at 6:32pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got an email from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML

by JaneVI / 02/10/2011 at 5:48pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that ham is part of a pig, and not a completely different animal. I'm eighteen. FML

by acab93 / 02/10/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2011 at 3:06pm / United States / Work

Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2011 at 1:38pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

justsayfuck's comment : That is awful! Even if you hadn't dated him.

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Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

by Jaws / 02/10/2011 at 11:09am / France (Alsace) / Miscellaneous

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

by theothercassie / 02/10/2011 at 9:55am / Work

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

by flattened / 02/10/2011 at 5:58am / Animals

conniebaby67's comment : Omg that's horrible.

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Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

by onehitwonder / 02/10/2011 at 2:26am / Health

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

by geoduck / 02/10/2011 at 12:31am / United States / Work