Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

by husks / 04/12/2011 at 12:08am / Love

Today, I found that the love of my life is 3.5 inches, fully erect. My cell phone is bigger than that. FML

by Artic / 04/12/2011 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Alliria's comment : Am I the only person that feels worse for the guy then the OP?

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Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

by ILiveWithMorons / 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

by drunkluv / 04/11/2011 at 10:58pm / Australia / Love

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

by sproket / 04/11/2011 at 7:37pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

by bananaman / 04/11/2011 at 4:07pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

by stolen / 04/11/2011 at 3:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

by Numb / 04/11/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

by shorty / 04/11/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

by Got_any_grapes1 / 04/11/2011 at 1:23pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

by Carmen / 04/11/2011 at 12:57pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

by ac32 / 04/11/2011 at 12:05pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

by sandyhome / 04/11/2011 at 11:20am / United States (Arkansas) / Love