All the FMLs

A. It was MY vibrator, not my moms... B. I'm 19 years old, not too old to still live with your parents and old enough to own a vibrator (though i didnt know there was an age where you had to be "old enough") , to the rest of you, im glad my misery and embarrassment added some laughter to your day :) this website is great for that :)

By bilol - 27/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any European guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 988

You deserved it 6 919

By Stixchop - 26/02/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 309

You deserved it 54 919

By belladonna - 26/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 225

You deserved it 79 313

By lolgarbl - 26/02/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 307

You deserved it 2 779

Stuck on Amber

By River - 26/02/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 242

You deserved it 56 196

By iailwkrb - 26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 919

You deserved it 28 024

By Noname - 26/02/2009 15:30 - United States

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 141

You deserved it 476 330

By thetheatreguy - 26/02/2009 14:56 - Canada

Today, I went on the best date I've been on in years. Later on, over drinks we get talking and I explain how I came out to my friends and family. When I ask him how he came out, he replies that he isn't gay, and oh, did I think this was a date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 700

You deserved it 12 852

By Kasizzle - 26/02/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 160

You deserved it 42 123

Kasizzle tells us more.

Kasizzle 0

Thursday 26 February 2009 18:20

Well I dont think she will be coming back in, honestly the biggest pants I have ever seen. I am 6 foot and I could pretty much stand in the waist line of the pants. and we had to charge her 5 dollars more. Needless to say the presser was PISSED. I could not say "one item" because the dry cleaners I work at does not charge the same price for every item ( Like a lot do). I did give her a discount though because I felt so bad.

By MadameM - 26/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 164

You deserved it 9 771