Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position... - FML

By jcstpierre - 24/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

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Don't shoot the messenger

Compassion

Fairytale ending

By Noob - 5/3/2018 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

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By Dog_Lover - 18/12/2012 15:30 - Canada - Montreal

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

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By Scottrick - 1/3/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

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By religionbites621 - 22/11/2011 17:18 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

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By Theo - 18/12/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

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By waiting till marriage, she said - 10/6/2015 15:28 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2013 02:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML

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By Awkward - 22/10/2014 00:36 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

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By f*ck - 6/3/2015 17:41 - Australia - Reynella

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

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By thatguythere858 - 13/8/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

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By Morgan - 22/6/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

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By Greg - 28/10/2013 21:53 - United States - Livonia

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

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By yellowjacket_34 - 13/11/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2017 16:00

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

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By oumalina - 12/8/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

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By blackedout - 6/10/2009 05:25 - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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By roughsexgonewrong - 5/11/2013 18:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

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By Tomb Raider Wannabe - 18/2/2014 01:57 - Australia - Premer

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

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By Anon. - 7/2/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2012 20:46 - Greece - Athens

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2013 17:38 - Slovenia - Ruse

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

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By poorhamster - 23/10/2010 06:22 - United States

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

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By TotaledBeamer - 3/6/2019 22:09

Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML

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By youdontknowmewhy - 29/6/2015 07:42 - United States - Keller

Today, I was called a selfish brat for asking for a pillow as my birthday present. FML

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By robbed - 3/9/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

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By HkxAliso0302 - 3/3/2020 22:00 - China - Beijing

News from China

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2017 22:00

Today, while I was doing my job as a groundskeeper, a couple of kids wearing MAGA hats threw garbage and rocks at me, then told me to "go back where you came from". I'm American, but I guess my beard makes me look like an immigrant or something, as this isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By Kenton - 15/6/2019 00:14

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2010 11:34 - Sweden

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

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By Tally - 24/9/2009 16:16 - Canada

Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited until I saw they were from my good friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2012 21:48 - Japan

Today, I not only absent-mindedly tried to scrub the natural suntan from my arm, I also spent several long seconds wondering why it wouldn't come free. FML

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By R2A8 - 1/3/2019 04:00 - Kenya

Today, after I got lectured about not replying on the family group chat, I decided to wish everyone a good morning. No one responded. FML

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By tillybonkers - 26/9/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a guy in a flaming car by busting his window to get him out. I didn't realize until after the crash scene was cleared, that I didn't just have his blood on me, but I also had cut from the window. Round 3 of aids testing here I come. FML

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By Shantwozzlah - 26/3/2012 16:15 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

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By Sara - 4/3/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

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By homerr123 - 23/12/2013 17:35 - India - Mumbai

Today, my manager rejected my leave application for Christmas. Later I found out that I'm going to be the only employee working at the office during Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

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By Kevin - 10/3/2010 08:39 - Canada

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML

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By sleepy - 15/10/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 20:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Impressive hairstyle

Today, I went to the hairdresser and changed my hairstyle drastically. It wasn't until she was nearly done that she said, "I just KNEW this style wasn't going to suit you." FML

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Top comments

By mykbibby | 0

#139797 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:20

Hey, at least the income will still be coming in to one of you, instead of to a complete stranger. You would've been fired no matter what, better it be your boyfriend replacing you.

By rukusrazor | 0

#139822 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:26

Well now it's your turn to just sit on the couch all day and play xbox, while HE is paying rent and working.

Comments

By charlottex33 | 0

#139757 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:07

hahaha that sucks FYL

Reply

nahgemoohc | 17

#4503414 - Thursday 31 May 2012 16:28

And looks like she'll be replacing you in the relationship.

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#139759 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:07

Wow! That really sucks
Guess you weren't doing such a good job huh?

By padlarf | 14

#139777 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:11

What? A real FML? :O

By quantumoftruth | 0

#139787 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:15

Think of it as a new beginning. Use your new found free time to kill that motherfucker's entire family

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#5945435 - Thursday 15 May 2014 3:35

A bit harsh there, are we?

By OrdinaryMan_fml | 0

#139788 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:15

You shoulda just let your bf to find his own job, YDI :)

By toolman | 0

#139796 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:20

if he knew it you should dump him. now.

Reply

celtics18 | 0

#4832518 - Sunday 19 August 2012 0:23

Holy shit you're retarded

By mykbibby | 0

#139797 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:20

Hey, at least the income will still be coming in to one of you, instead of to a complete stranger. You would've been fired no matter what, better it be your boyfriend replacing you.

By kwbuzz23wk | 0

#139802 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:21

#4 FTW!!!!

Reply

rannerbananer | 8

#6040976 - Monday 18 August 2014 6:21

Yeah I'm a little confused by #4's comment as well...? Lol what the heck???

By blue8795 | 0

#139806 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:22

Agreeing with #7.

They would've fired you either way, since they were obviously looking. If you're living with him, no net loss of money.

Still, that sucks. A real FML.

By I_am_stupid_also | 6

#139821 - Friday 24 April 2009 20:26

Now your boyfriend can ride your case for not having a job. In the meantime he can insist you do the cleaning and cooking.