Miscellaneous: Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11941

You deserved it

61172

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Selfish tit

Assumptions part 27674

By emptypockets - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was pulled over and fined $100 for driving without a license, as I'd accidentally left home without my wallet. I later found my wallet wedged beside my car seat, where it had been the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35917

You deserved it

6862

Tweet

Share

By Motionless - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42908

You deserved it

23684

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32402

You deserved it

6731

Tweet

Share

By nina - Luxembourg

Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9646

You deserved it

40749

Tweet

Share

By lizardhater - Singapore

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1114

You deserved it

252

Tweet

Share

By ocean555 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54873

You deserved it

4244

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 09:38 - India

The cringe is real

Today, I was excited for my very first oral sex session. Didn't imagine that the guy would bite everywhere like a beaver trying to be sexy and leave without even cuddling. Definitely didn't match the long sexts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1028

You deserved it

143

Tweet

Share

By Stupid - Australia - Bellerive

Today, I waited thirty minutes for a bus that stopped running three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30238

You deserved it

6785

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was home from college and went to eat at a local mexican place. The manager started yelling at me about an unpaid tab. Apparently, my dad likes to drink there and skipped on his tab. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4599

You deserved it

284

Tweet

Share

By dunnough - United States

Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22574

You deserved it

2668

Tweet

Share

By Dinger1992 - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14051

You deserved it

41770

Tweet

Share

By a critically injured shitehawk - United Kingdom - York

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35063

You deserved it

3003

Tweet

Share

By LDF - France

Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24986

You deserved it

1915

Tweet

Share

By Quincy_Ethan - United States - Killeen

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43109

You deserved it

5319

Tweet

Share

By LeaveTheGuyAlone - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45365

You deserved it

5073

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65476

You deserved it

4274

Tweet

Share

By Chris Bores - 20/11/2020 08:03 - United States - Prince Frederick

That's what a druggie would claim

Today, my family staged an intervention and demanded I go to rehab. Why? My mom found 'drug papers' in my car. It was a receipt from a routine drug screen for my job. It was also over two year- old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

927

You deserved it

60

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36106

You deserved it

2934

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 05:32 - India - Mumbai

Haircut, haircuuuut

Today, I came to the decision that I needed some variety in my life, so I decided to get a haircut. My mom insisted that she could do it and that she had experience because she cuts my dad's short hair. I had thick, long hair. Now, my hair is uneven, ugly and short. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1036

You deserved it

649

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 00:58 - Canada - Brandon

Time marches on

Today, after looking back at our high school photos, I told my fiancée I’ve been scared lately that I’m getting uglier with age, and that I was much prettier back then. He got really quiet, and then agreed with me.. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

717

You deserved it

229

Tweet

Share

By CorinnenotaplanB

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3677

You deserved it

262

Tweet

Share

By marriedtoaretard - United States

Today, I came home from out of state. I found out someone online had told my husband that the "fumes" from hot showers can be lethal. As a precaution, he removed the draft-blocking bathroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23243

You deserved it

2529

Tweet

Share

By SwinginSolo - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55545

You deserved it

7161

Tweet

Share

By sexual parrot

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57484

You deserved it

16034

Tweet

Share

By Allen - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46687

You deserved it

3177

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2020 02:03

Ouch

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1045

You deserved it

481

Tweet

Share

By MomOfBoys

Today, it's early-release before Christmas break for the kiddos, and my awesome-sauce boss let them hang out in our law office for the afternoon. So far, one has puked in the conference room, and the other has clogged the toilet. Only 2 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7726

You deserved it

806

Tweet

Share

By Dan - United Kingdom

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33949

You deserved it

5395

Tweet

Share

By Jenn

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8056

You deserved it

792

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50842

You deserved it

5217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24012

You deserved it

12432

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

655

You deserved it

2470

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34405

You deserved it

2887

Tweet

Share

By evomadrid24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48885

You deserved it

10188

Tweet

Share

By kjmsit - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54622

You deserved it

23353

Tweet

Share

By m33p - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34773

You deserved it

8313

Tweet

Share

By waterpistolriot - 23/10/2020 11:02 - Austria

Keeping up appearances

Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

433

You deserved it

749

Tweet

Share

By ABBenzin - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41318

You deserved it

3765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37149

You deserved it

3439

Tweet

Share

By Shino

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4325

You deserved it

440

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By stargirl14 | 0

#141918 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:17

lol thats so immature for fighting over who gets to push the button

By boomBOOMshake | 0

#141908 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:15

Agreed. You shouldn't even have pushed your brother.

COMMENTS

By justme08 | 0

#141897 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:11

wat the hell how didnt you know..lol
pushin random peoples kids..

Reply

xenomorph | 0

#611213 - Friday 9 October 2009 2:57

You should have said "first," given the nature of this FML.

By CassieLOL | 0

#141907 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:14

Haha, poor kid.
You probably deserved that one though.

By boomBOOMshake | 0

#141908 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:15

Agreed. You shouldn't even have pushed your brother.

By stargirl14 | 0

#141918 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:17

lol thats so immature for fighting over who gets to push the button

Reply

blondebrunette11 | 4

#3559415 - Tuesday 8 November 2011 21:29

No, you're just to mature, douche..

By tolkienfanatic | 0

#141929 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:21

Little punk probably deserved it.

By philadelphianus | 0

#141947 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:28

what's with kids and pushing the button? i was TOTALLY a button hog when i was little and now i can't remember why

By x_eyebrows | 0

#141961 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:36

Haha, you should have told them that you had elevator aggression and just couldn't help it!

By fatality2009 | 0

#141968 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:39

Dude you are too violent... shouldnt you know you had to KICK him first"!? xD

By boomBOOMshake | 0

#141970 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:40

#6, it lights up!

By oloie | 0

#141989 - Saturday 25 April 2009 16:48

wow people on this sight need to start looking at who their doing stuff to! dont assume stuff.... YDI

Reply

blankaex | 0

#975191 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 16:37

You're a person on this site.

Reply

empsparks02 | 1

#6154119 - Thursday 25 December 2014 23:53

You mean site, not sight.