Miscellaneous: Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from... - FML

By raerae - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

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By Wellfu - Europe

Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML

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By Volunteer - United States - Elwood

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

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By sumhub94 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

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By thechad_144 - United States

Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

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By Anon - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

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By lobotomy pls - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

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By mathhhh - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

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By WhyDoINeedAName - Canada - Okotoks

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

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By Ah - France

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

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By badbirthday - Canada

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

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By Skullie - United States

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

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By Dogless - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

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By Wheel chair bound - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

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By yamblam5 - United States - Monroe

Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

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By Jade - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

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By Heknowsnothing - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got my giant Game of Thrones tattoo finished. Despite the fact that I had spelt it out for him, the artist wrote 'You no nothing John Snow'. It's the focal part of the tattoo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

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By F*ckyouRoss - 6/3/2021 20:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

When the cat's away…

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

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By Old? - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

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By thanks mom ¬_¬ - United States - Carlsbad

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

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By foreveralone - 10/7/2020 17:04

Waiting for that special someone

Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hillsboro

Today, after much reflection, I realized my "happy childhood" was more like "the years I was oblivious to how much people despised me." FML

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By Court - United States

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

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By Scotty - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

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By apple - United States

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Romance

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

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By anonymous

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

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By Anonymous - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a mailer from Adam and Eve with a bunch of hard core porn ads inside. I have been getting these since i ordered a Pirate porn video a few months ago. I was gone for a few weeks overseas. My mother-in-law was getting the mail. FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

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By Blah - United States

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

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By Chey1309 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

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By B_and_W - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

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By wispywee - Canada

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

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By PunctureWound - Canada

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

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Top comments

By TooMuchXbox | 0

#139407 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:29

Good effing job. That's why I try to make sure I unwrap things like that over my bed.

By SilentHarmony | 0

#139389 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:25

Sounds like something I would do

COMMENTS

By bienfait_nn | 0

#139336 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:18

What an idiot

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#832440 - Sunday 7 February 2010 6:45

smooth move idiot XD

Reply

Straka | 0

#940076 - Friday 12 March 2010 21:16

dumbass

Reply

TiNyBuBbLeZ | 0

#2223760 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 16:37

stupid shit

By Xephik | 1

#139377 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:18

First and YDI

By hahaha6 | 0

#139379 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:21

Definately not the most graceful are we?
Don't worry, i'm not either.

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#139387 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:20

Klutz lol.

By SilentHarmony | 0

#139389 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:25

Sounds like something I would do

By urlifesuxdix | 0

#139392 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:24

you clumsy fucker

By fueledbyamy | 0

#139397 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:25

oh, that sucks :(

By TooMuchXbox | 0

#139407 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:29

Good effing job. That's why I try to make sure I unwrap things like that over my bed.

Reply

Toolishing | 22

#6474208 - Monday 30 November 2015 16:24

*Proceeds to drop it on bed, bounces off and cracks*
Well shit

By rukusrazor | 0

#139429 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:37

You were just standing over like a slate floor, unwrapping a wad of bubble wrap? These things are best done at a table or on the ground.

By Fields4mint | 0

#139438 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:41

I don't think that's a YDI... that really sucks... but next time you'll open it around something soft, I'm sure, like on your bed.