Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but... - FML

By vinniesuckmadack - 24/4/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

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DINOSAURS!!

Live dumping

Business savvy

By jitterbug - 2/1/2015 05:36 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

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By MJjunior - 31/8/2011 16:04 - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

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By Maxime - 20/11/2008 10:19 - France

Today, after making love to my girlfriend, I realised that the phone was on the bed and because of the movements, it called my dad by itself. It went to voicemail. My dad will soon have all the details. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2019 22:00

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

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By BEE - 10/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

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By Rayvyn - 21/10/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my boss came back from a 2 week vacation. I was the only one covering for him, and I did an excellent job. It was my chance to get a promotion. I actually improved his sales while he was gone. But the only thing he noticed was that I killed his plant. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

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By adamclmns - 16/7/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

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By ButtWorthSingingBout - 1/1/2015 18:16 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2013 20:56 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

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By terribob1 - 8/7/2016 14:52

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

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By broooooock - 16/7/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

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By i fking love docb - 4/11/2012 21:16 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Christiansted

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

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By TheStressComesFree - 31/7/2013 16:47 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

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By kisyfrot - 18/12/2008 03:38 - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

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By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/8/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

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By dynah114 - 27/1/2013 19:08 - Israel - Petah Tiqva

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2017 04:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my girlfriend left me. I have no clue what to do with the holiday we have booked or the ring I was going to propose to her with on Valentine's Day. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Wichita

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

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By lorahayes - 5/1/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2012 20:55 - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

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By Laura - 17/9/2010 00:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided it was finally time to have sex. After we did, he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He wanted to have sex with me to see who was better. FML

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By mocass’1 - 13/10/2008 08:19 - France

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

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By confused_lemon - 4/6/2019 00:00

Should be interesting at the office tomorrow…

Today, I got thrown out by a guy I really like, with the words "Can you leave me the fuck alone, please?" I took my stuff and left as quickly as I could, just to fall down the stairs on his doorway and twist my ankle really bad. He's someone from work as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

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By fihifgni210 - 20/5/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 10:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

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By Samprib - 1/6/2013 05:09 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

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By ChubbyButt - 16/1/2013 10:48 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was at the doctor's for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, "Oh and if you could lose some weight, that'd be great." FML

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By lilben - 10/6/2011 08:09 - United States

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 20:35 - Netherlands

Today, I told my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to get any time off work to go to Mexico with him, and that we'd have to get our tickets refunded, and reschedule. He said not to bother, and that he already had someone else in mind to take with him. FML

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By FirmlyInEngland - 17/9/2009 09:23 - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

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By in debt - 1/11/2018 13:30

Today, a tree fell on our 3-month-old family car. Today, I also learned that my husband never insured it. It's probably scrap, and we still have to pay it off for the next 5 years. FML

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By Dani - 12/1/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2019 06:26

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2012 07:56 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

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By teeth - 10/8/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

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Top comments

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

Comments

By colortherainbowx | 0

#140189 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:15

Dumbfuck. Wouldn't you know it was too early when it was fucking dark outside your window?

By ryan__h | 1

#140195 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

:( that really sucks

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952424 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:17

I thought everybody looked at the clock BEFORE they get up.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952432 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:19

im a Ryan to!

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1036084 - Saturday 19 June 2010 22:39

FYL I hate waking up

Reply

mak3_1t_ra1n | 0

#1106937 - Sunday 18 July 2010 20:25

ah dang sux that u missed school, hate it when I take too long to get ready

Reply

joce445 | 0

#1174978 - Monday 2 August 2010 6:58

It was 3:22 am not pm.

Reply

FrescoLove | 10

#2118915 - Thursday 24 February 2011 19:18

Fail

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1002831 - Sunday 23 May 2010 2:17

Well you'll be early?

Reply

dancingqueen5678 | 1

#2093816 - Thursday 17 February 2011 22:39

Smart move.

Reply

c0c0_fml | 16

#4924954 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 21:56

I don't know where you live and what time you usually start work but didn't you notice it was still dark outside ? I guess you must've been really tired lol

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6244003 - Thursday 26 March 2015 21:04

SAME HERE! except my dad "accidently" woke my up at 3am, whats with 3 of all time

By dtran09 | 0

#140197 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

Props for getting up I guess..

By schnoid | 0

#140198 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

wow, u woke up and didn't bother looking at your clock? wtf is wrong with u?

By x3cristinaaaa | 0

#140199 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

hahaha def have done this before, don't worry it happens. that just meant you got to sleep in a little later because you didn't have to get ready when you woke up.

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

By manoverboard | 0

#140204 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

I used to do that soooo much when I was younger.
It pissed me off.
xD

By towell777 | 0

#140208 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:18

Wow that sucks for you... I hate waking up so i look to see what time it is. I thought that would be the first thing you would do.FYL just because i feel sorry for you.

By premiermois | 5

#140216 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:21

That sucks.
But umm... "gathered the courage"? Do you also have a fear of personal hygiene?

Reply

drunkinditch | 0

#1903363 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 12:22

no I think the op is referring to being to lazy to get outta bed that takes allot of courage

Reply

xNephilim | 18

#4967534 - Monday 24 September 2012 19:05

Getting out of bed in the morning is right up there with bungee jumping on the courage list.