Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but... - FML

By vinniesuckmadack - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

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Messed up

Night terrors

Peaky Bladders

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

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By - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sainte Genevieve

Today, I asked if my friend wanted to come meet my dog and give him a treat. We were walking to my back yard, her holding 3 hot dogs, when she said, "I think your dog is dead!" I said, "No, he's just old and sleeps all the time and won't wake up until you pet him because he's deaf." He was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered why the toilet seat is often sticky in the morning. My husband is too lazy to lift the seat, instead opting to pee all over it and sleepily wipe it down with loo paper if he notices a splash. He doesn't see why it's a problem since he 'cleans' it. FML

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By Bad Parent

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

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By itscalledaphonecontractretards - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I resorted to breaking into my old apartment complex to do my laundry in the basement for free. FML

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By sillygoose - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered on my back. It was chocolate. FML

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By alliwantisabandaid

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

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By AshamedDaughter - Canada

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

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By NicoleNoone - 1/8/2020 05:01

Banished

Today, my older sister told me about their table plan at their wedding. She is one of my best friends too, so I was shocked that I had been placed far away, and separated from my husband. FML

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By muffin - Austria

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2020 23:00

Dream baby dream

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

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By Extravirgin - Germany - Munich

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

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By skyllabeauty1234 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a pregnant woman fall off her moped. As I helped her back up, I asked if her baby was okay. I was then blindsided by her brick of a purse while she screeched, "I'm not pregnant!" FML

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By funyfunkid - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

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By runfattyrun - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I used a blanket outside for a picnic. Later, while throwing it in the washer, I noticed a lizard jump out to land inbetween the bowl and the side. Then I noticed a wasp had joined it. I'm scared to open my washer now. FML

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By HannahBretts - United States - Turlock

Today, I'm watching a TV show about horrible germs in hotel rooms that you can catch from a bed... while I am stuck in a hotel room... on the bed. FML

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By Hm - United States

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

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By vixenscars - United States

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

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By pkstarstorm - United States

Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML

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By Dan1021 - France

Today, after telling my girlfriend that I loved her, she dumped me claiming I was getting "too attached". I've already spent almost $400 on her Valentine's Day present. FML

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By Samsonites - United States

Today, I finally decided to tell him I love him. He told me that he loved me too... like a sister! The love of my life has been sleeping with his "sister" for three months. FML

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By Helen - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

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By Sariitaa_fml

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

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By StromyG2 - United States

Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

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By married to a bipedal husky - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

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By SadAndCold - 11/10/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom - London

Pull your shit together, Bezos

Today, my Amazon delivery was delayed. I just moved to a new place and that delivery had my pillow and blanket. I can't go buy them in person since I'm self-isolating and the heating isn't working either. Guess I'm sleeping in the freezing cold on the bare mattress one more night. FML

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By Sarah

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

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By dancingqueef - United States - Kingston

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

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By nooooooooob - United States

Today, after a long bike-ride home, I thought my roommate was being a douche and holding the door shut to our apartment. After about ten minutes of shoulder-slamming and name calling, I discovered that I just wasn't turning the key all the way, which I found out when my roomie came home. FML

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By horp - United States - Torrington

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

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By Tali - Australia

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

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By J Claire Sanchez - 22/3/2020 15:56

No rest for the heroes

Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

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Top comments

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

COMMENTS

By colortherainbowx | 0

#140189 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:15

Dumbfuck. Wouldn't you know it was too early when it was fucking dark outside your window?

By ryan__h | 1

#140195 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

:( that really sucks

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952424 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:17

I thought everybody looked at the clock BEFORE they get up.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952432 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:19

im a Ryan to!

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1036084 - Saturday 19 June 2010 22:39

FYL I hate waking up

Reply

mak3_1t_ra1n | 0

#1106937 - Sunday 18 July 2010 20:25

ah dang sux that u missed school, hate it when I take too long to get ready

Reply

joce445 | 0

#1174978 - Monday 2 August 2010 6:58

It was 3:22 am not pm.

Reply

FrescoLove | 10

#2118915 - Thursday 24 February 2011 19:18

Fail

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1002831 - Sunday 23 May 2010 2:17

Well you'll be early?

Reply

dancingqueen5678 | 1

#2093816 - Thursday 17 February 2011 22:39

Smart move.

Reply

c0c0_fml | 16

#4924954 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 21:56

I don't know where you live and what time you usually start work but didn't you notice it was still dark outside ? I guess you must've been really tired lol

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6244003 - Thursday 26 March 2015 21:04

SAME HERE! except my dad "accidently" woke my up at 3am, whats with 3 of all time

By dtran09 | 0

#140197 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

Props for getting up I guess..

By schnoid | 0

#140198 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

wow, u woke up and didn't bother looking at your clock? wtf is wrong with u?

By x3cristinaaaa | 0

#140199 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

hahaha def have done this before, don't worry it happens. that just meant you got to sleep in a little later because you didn't have to get ready when you woke up.

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

By manoverboard | 0

#140204 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

I used to do that soooo much when I was younger.
It pissed me off.
xD

By towell777 | 0

#140208 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:18

Wow that sucks for you... I hate waking up so i look to see what time it is. I thought that would be the first thing you would do.FYL just because i feel sorry for you.

By premiermois | 5

#140216 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:21

That sucks.
But umm... "gathered the courage"? Do you also have a fear of personal hygiene?

Reply

drunkinditch | 0

#1903363 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 12:22

no I think the op is referring to being to lazy to get outta bed that takes allot of courage

Reply

xNephilim | 18

#4967534 - Monday 24 September 2012 19:05

Getting out of bed in the morning is right up there with bungee jumping on the courage list.