Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but... - FML

By vinniesuckmadack - 24/4/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

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Rock, hard place

Mr Sensitivity

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 6/4/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

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By howannoying - 16/2/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

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By - 18/11/2019 20:00

Hopeless

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

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By cargaljen - 7/8/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

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By damnit - 27/10/2008 09:08 - United States

Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML

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By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

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By rotezora - 2/9/2012 12:44 - Switzerland - Basel

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

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By Kbug - 28/4/2019 00:00

Today, while my man of almost 5 years was playing a video game with his friends, during one of the conversations they were having, one of his childhood friends asked “What do you see in her?” He replied, “I don't know, it’s more of an entrapment type of thing.” FML

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By littlemisstiny - 29/8/2009 08:48 - Ireland

Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit next to her friend. Minutes later, a child sitting behind me threw up on my head, while the girl I had swapped with and her friend laughed hysterically as I attempted to wipe the puke from my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

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By Sally - 26/1/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

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By vanilla_blossom - 5/1/2016 18:49 - United States - Jackson

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

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By udnrizh - 8/10/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

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By jess - 8/4/2012 14:30 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

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By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/9/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2019 20:00

Today, I learned what a "pain in the ass" means. I sat down on my patio swing chair, only to discover it was swarming with baby wasps, who stung me all over the butt. Ouch! FML

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By pizzaface - 15/3/2010 11:50 - United States

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

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By Username - 12/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

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By Party Pooper - 25/5/2015 01:59 - United States

Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

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By zzdug - 8/2/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

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By boo - 27/5/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

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By meesmees - 23/11/2013 10:48 - United States - Severna Park

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 17:00

Business savvy

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

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By JustABarista - 11/3/2017 04:00

Good Riddance

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2015 04:17 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2014 21:19 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 17:03

Public transport FTW

Today, I was riding the subway home after a long shift at hospital. I accidentally made eye contact with a sketchy dude for a split second. He launched a wide spray of spit at me. At least I was wearing scrubs. FML

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By Di Da - 6/7/2020 23:02

Ghosted

Today, my boss came to my desk and asked me how the work is going, then he just walked away in the middle of me explaining a problem in the project. When I wanted to make an appointment with his secretary, she told me he isn't going to have any time this and next week. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 21:35 - United Kingdom - Stourport

Today, I won a meal for two in a raffle. I had no one to go with. FML

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By mizzleshizzle - 9/3/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

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By LunaRayne13 - 10/9/2020 08:02

Ghosted

Today, I realized it's been over a month since my last therapy session. My therapist canceled on me and never got back in touch to reschedule. FML

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By dusk - 5/1/2012 08:09 - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 23:01

Classic

Today, I caught my sister in bed with my girlfriend. I’m not sure what’s worse, the cheating, the fact I’ve never managed to make my girlfriend moan like that, or the fact this is the second girlfriend she’s stolen from me in the last year. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2012 05:16 - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2015 20:58 - United States - Evanston

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

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Top comments

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

COMMENTS

By colortherainbowx | 0

#140189 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:15

Dumbfuck. Wouldn't you know it was too early when it was fucking dark outside your window?

By ryan__h | 1

#140195 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

:( that really sucks

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952424 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:17

I thought everybody looked at the clock BEFORE they get up.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952432 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:19

im a Ryan to!

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1036084 - Saturday 19 June 2010 22:39

FYL I hate waking up

Reply

mak3_1t_ra1n | 0

#1106937 - Sunday 18 July 2010 20:25

ah dang sux that u missed school, hate it when I take too long to get ready

Reply

joce445 | 0

#1174978 - Monday 2 August 2010 6:58

It was 3:22 am not pm.

Reply

FrescoLove | 10

#2118915 - Thursday 24 February 2011 19:18

Fail

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1002831 - Sunday 23 May 2010 2:17

Well you'll be early?

Reply

dancingqueen5678 | 1

#2093816 - Thursday 17 February 2011 22:39

Smart move.

Reply

c0c0_fml | 16

#4924954 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 21:56

I don't know where you live and what time you usually start work but didn't you notice it was still dark outside ? I guess you must've been really tired lol

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6244003 - Thursday 26 March 2015 21:04

SAME HERE! except my dad "accidently" woke my up at 3am, whats with 3 of all time

By dtran09 | 0

#140197 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

Props for getting up I guess..

By schnoid | 0

#140198 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

wow, u woke up and didn't bother looking at your clock? wtf is wrong with u?

By x3cristinaaaa | 0

#140199 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

hahaha def have done this before, don't worry it happens. that just meant you got to sleep in a little later because you didn't have to get ready when you woke up.

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

By manoverboard | 0

#140204 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

I used to do that soooo much when I was younger.
It pissed me off.
xD

By towell777 | 0

#140208 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:18

Wow that sucks for you... I hate waking up so i look to see what time it is. I thought that would be the first thing you would do.FYL just because i feel sorry for you.

By premiermois | 5

#140216 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:21

That sucks.
But umm... "gathered the courage"? Do you also have a fear of personal hygiene?

Reply

drunkinditch | 0

#1903363 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 12:22

no I think the op is referring to being to lazy to get outta bed that takes allot of courage

Reply

xNephilim | 18

#4967534 - Monday 24 September 2012 19:05

Getting out of bed in the morning is right up there with bungee jumping on the courage list.