Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but... - FML

By vinniesuckmadack - United States

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

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Sorry…

Nostalgia goggles

What's more embarrassing?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

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By busfail - Canada - Burnaby

Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML

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By Ricky - United States

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

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By unemployed - United States - The Colony

Today, the store I work at got shut down and I got let go. Three days ago I got a promotion and a raise. FML

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By Oops - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML

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By justthinkofyourhand - United States - Salida

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

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By Absent - France

Today, my friends let me win at strip poker so I wouldn't take off my clothes. FML

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By Why Me? - United States - Scranton

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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By Wolfrunner87 - Australia - Broadmeadows

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

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By explanations - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

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By Alohaporno - Canada

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 08:00

Busted

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

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By C BOMB - Australia - Toowong

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

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By McFuckYouTooCunt - Australia - Bellevue Hill

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML

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By Patrick R - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

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By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Bad timing

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

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By so unsexy - United States - Seattle

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

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By deucelututi - United States

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

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By THANKS4theINFO - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

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By DeadDude

Today, I took my kids to the doctor. In the waiting room, a six year old boy walked up to me, punched me in the crotch, and ran away with my glasses. When the kid's parents made him give me my glasses back, he spat on them. FML

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By e - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

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By bethanygirl - United States

Today, I had to cancel my birthday party because of snow. It's October. FML

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By Chad - United States

Today, my wife bought $80 worth of Glee songs on iTunes. FML

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By Anonymous

There's insane and then there's this guy

Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

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By Bbrooks88 - United States

Today, I finalized my new car purchase after three months on the job at a new company. Two hours later, I was informed that my position has been eliminated. I have two weeks to find a new job or I'm completely screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oundle

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

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By Babyhazy - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

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By Gameless Guy - United States

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

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By RDS

Today, I talked to my husband about leaving his parents' house. He said, and I quote, ''No. I don't want the responsibility of paying bills.'' FML

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By queenmeme - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

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By DanniRae - United States

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

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By BALEIGHLOVE17

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on facebook. FML

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By LonelyGuy - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

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By Daughter of the year - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

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Top comments

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

COMMENTS

By colortherainbowx | 0

#140189 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:15

Dumbfuck. Wouldn't you know it was too early when it was fucking dark outside your window?

By ryan__h | 1

#140195 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

:( that really sucks

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952424 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:17

I thought everybody looked at the clock BEFORE they get up.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#952432 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 4:19

im a Ryan to!

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1036084 - Saturday 19 June 2010 22:39

FYL I hate waking up

Reply

mak3_1t_ra1n | 0

#1106937 - Sunday 18 July 2010 20:25

ah dang sux that u missed school, hate it when I take too long to get ready

Reply

joce445 | 0

#1174978 - Monday 2 August 2010 6:58

It was 3:22 am not pm.

Reply

FrescoLove | 10

#2118915 - Thursday 24 February 2011 19:18

Fail

By Rodjmeister | 0

#140196 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

I've done this before...my ringtone for my best friend is the same as my alarm. he called me at two AM one time and I got up and got to work at 3:15...

Reply

Jbiebs82 | 0

#1002831 - Sunday 23 May 2010 2:17

Well you'll be early?

Reply

dancingqueen5678 | 1

#2093816 - Thursday 17 February 2011 22:39

Smart move.

Reply

c0c0_fml | 16

#4924954 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 21:56

I don't know where you live and what time you usually start work but didn't you notice it was still dark outside ? I guess you must've been really tired lol

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6244003 - Thursday 26 March 2015 21:04

SAME HERE! except my dad "accidently" woke my up at 3am, whats with 3 of all time

By dtran09 | 0

#140197 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

Props for getting up I guess..

By schnoid | 0

#140198 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

wow, u woke up and didn't bother looking at your clock? wtf is wrong with u?

By x3cristinaaaa | 0

#140199 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:16

hahaha def have done this before, don't worry it happens. that just meant you got to sleep in a little later because you didn't have to get ready when you woke up.

By Munkee | 6

#140203 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

That's why I always look at my clock before getting out of bed.

Haha, but on the bright side, you had more time to get prepared in the morning.

By manoverboard | 0

#140204 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:17

I used to do that soooo much when I was younger.
It pissed me off.
xD

By towell777 | 0

#140208 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:18

Wow that sucks for you... I hate waking up so i look to see what time it is. I thought that would be the first thing you would do.FYL just because i feel sorry for you.

By premiermois | 5

#140216 - Friday 24 April 2009 23:21

That sucks.
But umm... "gathered the courage"? Do you also have a fear of personal hygiene?

Reply

drunkinditch | 0

#1903363 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 12:22

no I think the op is referring to being to lazy to get outta bed that takes allot of courage

Reply

xNephilim | 18

#4967534 - Monday 24 September 2012 19:05

Getting out of bed in the morning is right up there with bungee jumping on the courage list.