The Top

This was actually a few years ago when I was living in Dublin. Never seen that movie so they could well have plagiarised the idea from me! Another classic from this guy: With my toothbrush in his mouth-"you're not one of those people who cares when someone uses their toothbrush are you?" FML

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 16:59 - India - New Delhi

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 227

You deserved it 42 585

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 10:57 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 226

You deserved it 2 328

By fleckney26 - 01/10/2015 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of running up four flights of stairs to what I thought was the only male restroom in the building, I found another one. It's always been just around the corner from my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 226

You deserved it 10 331

fleckney26 tells us more.

fleckney26 25

Friday 2 October 2015 8:06

OP here. All your comments have me in fits of laughter, and yes I do seem to have gained quite some leg muscle! For those asking why I hadn't seen the other toilets, it's because I thought the only thing around that corner was the post room, so I've never had a reason to go around there to find the other gents. Although I don't work in an office with all women, most are, and the issue of toilet placement has never come up when taking to the men. And before anyone else says about it, we do have lifts, but our boss gets annoyed at us if we used it. Thanks for getting this posted!

By MushyKetchup - 14/08/2015 07:01 - United States - Amarillo

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 224

You deserved it 2 001

By CmS_1733 - 11/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Pottsville

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 224

You deserved it 3 068

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 02:48 - United States

Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 221

You deserved it 4 262

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 14:16 - Australia - Sandringham

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 219

You deserved it 4 247

By yup - 05/06/2011 07:23 - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 218

You deserved it 57 298

By noononononono - 21/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my Dad came home with a $500 jacket that he'd bought himself for Christmas. I'd bought him the same one, and it's non refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 216

You deserved it 1 712

Bae Caught Me Slippin

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 08:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 216

You deserved it 2 271

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 21:05 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 215

You deserved it 4 289

Goodbye

By Noname - 28/01/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 214

You deserved it 6 343

Depressing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at work, I was told by a man who had literally just gotten back from his mother's funeral to cheer up, as I was depressing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 213

You deserved it 6 152

By JoshuaRob - 03/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 212

You deserved it 8 043

By scarred4life - 18/01/2009 19:18 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 211

You deserved it 2 122

By pam - 03/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 209

You deserved it 7 992

By not funny but :( - 28/03/2013 16:24 - United States - Wooster

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 209

You deserved it 60 679

By lat187 - 12/11/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, I went to a salon to have my eyebrows waxed. During the application the woman sneezed. The wax is not water based, so no matter what they tried, it would not come out of my eyebrows. I now have to decide whether leave the noticeable brown wax in my eyebrows or wax them all off and draw them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 206

You deserved it 1 940

lat187 tells us more.

lat187 18

Friday 13 November 2015 5:44

Top comment wins: I now have two mustaches on my face!! She sneezed away from me, thankfully not in my face. I felt the wax go everywhere. For some reason her gut reaction was to put the waxing paper on my eyebrow. Which made things a lot more difficult because they couldn't get to the wax. So they had to pick at the paper and peel that off the best they could. They tried warm compresses, and I'm not sure what different solvents they tried, but they did not work. My eye/face was getting so irritated I finally just told them I needed to leave. My friend helped me with baby oil which after a lot of patience worked. I'm still missing some parts. Thankfully they already called to offer me some various complimentary services.

By hopeless - 18/03/2011 05:32 - United States

Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 203

You deserved it 33 657

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 203

You deserved it 2 829

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 18:26 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 201

You deserved it 3 334

By LordBubbleWrap - 25/01/2016 05:13 - United States - East Hartford

Today, after our flight got cancelled back home, I called the airline to work out a replacement flight. I sat in hold for 2 hours waiting as patiently as I could. Then, the automated voice says, "There are no available agents. Good bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 201

You deserved it 1 673

LordBubbleWrap tells us more.

LordBubbleWrap 11

Monday 25 January 2016 20:03

OP here. yeah i flew into a fit of rage which resulted in angry snow shoveling. I get that the airlines were busy but being hung up on by microsoft Sam was just to much.