Transportation: Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He... - FML

By pam - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23112

You deserved it

7911

Tweet

Share

What a catch

Keep your enemies closer

Your cooking, dude

By man2 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36984

You deserved it

4033

Tweet

Share

By monkeylover996 - United States

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24551

You deserved it

3922

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27281

You deserved it

4224

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45142

You deserved it

4168

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40841

You deserved it

15186

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31456

You deserved it

2563

Tweet

Share

By Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28722

You deserved it

2573

Tweet

Share

By messyvictor - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33308

You deserved it

3068

Tweet

Share

By blahppl14 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30992

You deserved it

13491

Tweet

Share

By Nadaz - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25245

You deserved it

13510

Tweet

Share

By anon - Netherlands - Swalmen

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15874

You deserved it

34974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 23:02

That's gross, dude

Today, it's Saturday and a planned date night for my partner and me. He's not showered since Tuesday and was surprised that I requested that he to do so ahead of getting intimate. And he wonders why our sex life isn't better… FML

I agree, your life sucks

1086

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By Allenburg - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36621

You deserved it

7462

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 23:00

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

890

You deserved it

2498

Tweet

Share

By OH COME ON - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33682

You deserved it

5532

Tweet

Share

By Employee - United States - Lincoln

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21363

You deserved it

12564

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43726

You deserved it

4836

Tweet

Share

By nicolo - United States

Today, I got my tax return. I was really excited. Turns out the government does take the time to send out a tax return for $1.36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32383

You deserved it

4012

Tweet

Share

By killme - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39860

You deserved it

7101

Tweet

Share

By NormtheNorm - United States - Enterprise

Bipartisan spirit

Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2253

You deserved it

332

Tweet

Share

By Finding Kemo - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to school with a bad haircut. I got about 50 cancer jokes so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20399

You deserved it

2138

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hialeah

Today, my friend was complaining about about her new boyfriend. Playing around, I told her that he sounded a lot like my ex. He is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28583

You deserved it

2323

Tweet

Share

By jalisc512 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42338

You deserved it

5481

Tweet

Share

By Cassie - United States

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27847

You deserved it

47141

Tweet

Share

By smiler - United Kingdom

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28472

You deserved it

5641

Tweet

Share

By squirrels69ing - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47661

You deserved it

6206

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31057

You deserved it

1912

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I decided to be funny and tell him I was Iron Man and nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13594

You deserved it

38159

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33269

You deserved it

2486

Tweet

Share

By Mmorgan771 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26349

You deserved it

1705

Tweet

Share

By GoldenSteve - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22369

You deserved it

2513

Tweet

Share

By Lucachoo - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25265

You deserved it

2620

Tweet

Share

By kise - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10834

You deserved it

33530

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Modern romance...

Today, I sent a great-quality booty pic to two of my love interests. Instead of sending it individually, I accidentally made a group chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1646

You deserved it

8527

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Gardnerville

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30889

You deserved it

3557

Tweet

Share

By Tireddddddd - United States

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38465

You deserved it

3417

Tweet

Share

By Lance - United States

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9950

You deserved it

52951

Tweet

Share

By stupiddrunk - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15990

You deserved it

39208

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Portugal - Alhandra

Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25421

You deserved it

2389

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pulpfiction_fml | 3

#504249 - Friday 21 August 2009 8:20

If you really wanted that seat, you should have said "but I'm pregnant"

By deathdefiyer | 0

#777529 - Saturday 16 January 2010 7:50

hehe i got told off for not getting up for an old bloke.I was 7 mths pregnant, just finished work and he didnt believe me.He was thrown off the bus.Not my fault I didnt show much
Meh, you paid same amount if not more for the seat, fluck him!

COMMENTS

By pwnrzero | 0

#96491 - Thursday 9 April 2009 19:25

lolz

Reply

iLoveTeraaa | 0

#969639 - Sunday 28 March 2010 4:26

rofl

Reply

missmarie97 | 0

#1144647 - Monday 26 July 2010 22:57

haha fyl

By KillerBunnies | 0

#228395 - Monday 25 May 2009 6:55

???

Reply

lemonlife | 0

#1518252 - Friday 8 October 2010 20:00

at least you have friends

By pwnrzero | 0

#295445 - Friday 12 June 2009 2:18

i monitored this one

By hahahalololololo | 0

#380678 - Thursday 9 July 2009 3:05

Wow there's only 3 comments.... I've never seen a fml with do few.

By the way I don't get it

By BabaBlackShirt | 0

#435806 - Tuesday 28 July 2009 3:58

Not an FML. I don't get how stuff like this gets on here.

By gross__ | 0

#482416 - Thursday 13 August 2009 9:22

YDI, because you should have realized there was an old lady needing to sit down...Always let the elderly sit before you do. If you're sitting down already and you're near the front or no one else will stand up, give them your seat.

Reply

skigirl98 | 9

#2910897 - Sunday 17 July 2011 5:00

So everyone must see every single elderly person? And if they don't see them and think a man was being kind to give up his seat for her, she's a bitch?

By pulpfiction_fml | 3

#504249 - Friday 21 August 2009 8:20

If you really wanted that seat, you should have said "but I'm pregnant"

By hasty_D | 0

#739999 - Monday 28 December 2009 4:27

don't care when people stares at you, you wanted to sit down, and it's your right

By deathdefiyer | 0

#777529 - Saturday 16 January 2010 7:50

hehe i got told off for not getting up for an old bloke.I was 7 mths pregnant, just finished work and he didnt believe me.He was thrown off the bus.Not my fault I didnt show much
Meh, you paid same amount if not more for the seat, fluck him!

By happyhak | 5

#783048 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 0:18

Errr...i dont really see the FML here, you were mistaken...that happens almost every day but you dont see people bitching about it. Suck it up, OP! No wonder this FML doesnt have many comments at this stage...