Miscellaneous: Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent... - FML

By scarred4life - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23088

You deserved it

2075

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Thanks for all the help

Work sucks, I know

By poolboy - United States

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

I agree, your life sucks

94070

You deserved it

9251

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 20:01 - Germany - Hörth

No justice

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1186

You deserved it

117

Tweet

Share

By Kim - 17/7/2020 23:01

To the window, to the wall

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1459

You deserved it

374

Tweet

Share

By JadedBaker - United States

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39943

You deserved it

1978

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49664

You deserved it

3479

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Matteson

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65200

You deserved it

4440

Tweet

Share

By idontknowwhatiamdoing - Canada - Toronto

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41302

You deserved it

12589

Tweet

Share

By bloody - United States

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52023

You deserved it

5059

Tweet

Share

By emilyparra1 - United States - Riverview

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I'm walking into the office, the manager says, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32856

You deserved it

2458

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73805

You deserved it

5264

Tweet

Share

By wannadi - United States - Camden

Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked for 2 years that I tan too much and dye my hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed my hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40534

You deserved it

2833

Tweet

Share

By TrashGirl

Today, for our 8th wedding anniversary I gave my husband several well-thought-out gifts. He gave me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4850

You deserved it

365

Tweet

Share

By poormum - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9691

You deserved it

818

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21190

You deserved it

45346

Tweet

Share

By mcullen21 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks

157154

You deserved it

11660

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36639

You deserved it

3124

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Belgium - Ieper

No kinkshaming on FML

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59533

You deserved it

9293

Tweet

Share

By confusedandnowsingle - Finland - Espoo

Today, my boyfriend's proposal speech somehow ended with him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62544

You deserved it

4293

Tweet

Share

By damnedbydurberg - United States

Today, after years of torment and relentless harassment, I finally built up the courage to stand up to a bully. I got a detention for swearing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40718

You deserved it

3363

Tweet

Share

By OH COME ON - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33678

You deserved it

5530

Tweet

Share

By Shirley - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37769

You deserved it

7540

Tweet

Share

By pixiegirl - United States

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38782

You deserved it

6793

Tweet

Share

By inpain14 - 13/5/2020 05:00

Headache

Today, I learned that one of the reasons I may be getting migraines every day is because I subconsciously clench my jaw a lot due to stress. To try and have it hurt less, I’ve gone back to wearing my plastic retainer during the day, but it makes my gag reflux act up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By Sleuth

Today, I found out why my professor accused me of not handing in an important essay before the due date. Apparently she spilled coffee all over it and didn't dare to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3170

You deserved it

150

Tweet

Share

By religionbites621 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38452

You deserved it

3532

Tweet

Share

By sweetsixteen - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find several of my friends there for a surprise sweet sixteen party my mom was throwing for me. Everything was going great until the doorbell rang and a clown walked in. My mom hired a clown for my sweet sixteen. My friends took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48499

You deserved it

5813

Tweet

Share

By familyfued

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5683

You deserved it

380

Tweet

Share

By firemansam - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Advent calendar time!

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16510

You deserved it

29638

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Cancel Student Debt

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1802

You deserved it

383

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23846

You deserved it

1640

Tweet

Share

By Shino

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4312

You deserved it

411

Tweet

Share

By Patrick - United States

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26381

You deserved it

5236

Tweet

Share

By DrunkenMum

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1431

You deserved it

89

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26633

You deserved it

3014

Tweet

Share

By bummed

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35724

You deserved it

12254

Tweet

Share

By ProFesser

Today, while heading outside to go to work, I slip on my driveway and my coffee thermos-mug ends up flying out of my hand, and smashes my next door neighbor's brand new truck window. The thermos-mug broke and splashed hot coffee all over his seats too. He's a hard-ass military dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4445

You deserved it

678

Tweet

Share

By mskawaiibat - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50658

You deserved it

3393

Tweet

Share

By "Kilamo" - 25/1/2020 14:00 - United States

Best words

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years got down on one knee and asked those words all girls love to hear "would you do me the honor of performing fellatio on me"? with a Lifesavers gummy ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1865

You deserved it

371

Tweet

Share

By Embarassed - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33042

You deserved it

5799

Tweet

Share

By caphis - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59893

You deserved it

13110

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lizo_fml | 0

#63325 - Friday 27 March 2009 22:23

send em and i'll be the judge of that

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3719085 - Monday 12 December 2011 7:52

You sound like a bitch.

COMMENTS

By ah_haha | 0

#451 - Saturday 7 February 2009 4:10

is your mum Madonna??

Reply

MetallicaRules19 | 4

#1464015 - Monday 27 September 2010 13:22

brisbane ftw i live in logan lol

By jim_witness | 0

#24957 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:48

Is your mom Danielle Steele??

By Lizo_fml | 0

#63325 - Friday 27 March 2009 22:23

send em and i'll be the judge of that

Reply

myfruitloop | 0

#2428619 - Friday 29 April 2011 9:36

pics or it didn't happen?

By xTiDWoPx | 0

#263662 - Thursday 4 June 2009 3:35

Attractive

By paleknight47 | 0

#328847 - Monday 22 June 2009 4:45

Haha I would throw up excessivly if... Ugh I can't even... Imagine and I really don't want to LOL

By happygoluckyhh | 0

#337243 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 21:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3719085 - Monday 12 December 2011 7:52

You sound like a bitch.

Reply

IconicFML | 9

#5895725 - Tuesday 25 March 2014 21:19

Well first off, OP was stating her mom was being "provocative" not "proactive"..…

Reply

idoc300 | 11

#5931059 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 23:18

You're*

By KonM4N4Life | 0

#354488 - Tuesday 30 June 2009 10:45

Ewww on so many levels..

By xSceneSceneBabyx | 0

#403938 - Friday 17 July 2009 6:54

holy sh!t. I feel SO bad for you!

By GodOfBeer | 5

#425541 - Friday 24 July 2009 18:50

share em!

By spaghetti542 | 0

#728034 - Sunday 20 December 2009 7:13

Pics or it DIDNT HAPPEN!!! (had to say it)

Reply

Madelinexo | 6

#2840845 - Thursday 7 July 2011 20:44

WTF is wrong with you?