Miscellaneous: Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent... - FML

By scarred4life - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

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Late term

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dementia or hate? You decide

By smooth - United States

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

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By bshoemaker45601 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

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By Spadiethestar - France

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

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By Palf - Germany

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

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By Deweyboy - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

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By bear food - United States - Anaheim

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

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By Julie - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, bitch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

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By lon01t - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

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By Sexy Rash - Australia - Wallgrove

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

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By no car - 4/8/2020 17:04

Car Wars

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2021 21:30

Unexpected visitor

Today I went to a much-anticipated job interview. I've been out of work for a month and I really need and wanted this job. I then realized that yesterday's hike was not a good idea when a tick crawled across my forehead in the middle of the interview. FML

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By novacabudsforme - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

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By NotAGoodStart - United Kingdom - Bristol

Fashion Week

Today, I went on a blind date, meeting up in a park. I got there first and sat down to wait for him. After a while, a guy sat down next to me. I wasn't sure if it was him, so I texted him, asking if he'd arrived. His response was, "I'm already here, sat to the left of the old woman dressed like a gypsy." FML

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By ltwlty - China - Beijing

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

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By cosmonaut - New Zealand

Accusations

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

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By dieana - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

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By comet5002 - United States

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

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By nbj10 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

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By forever_young - United States - Rochester

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

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By rhiannakirwan - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

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By Marcipaud - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

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By Gem - Australia

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

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By h0308 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML

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By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

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By treehugger - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

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By so_this_is_me - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

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By ImAnEngineer - United States - Canandaigua

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mooresville

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

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By nomwar - United States

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Janesville

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

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By PissingMeOff - 16/10/2020 13:55 - United Kingdom - Durham

Firehose

Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML

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By smalltownkid - United States - Houston

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

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By sweetjulie

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML

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By Anonymous

My stupidity

Today, I got my period and went clubbing. I had to change my tampon and stupidly I only brought one, when I unwrapped it, it fell on the floor, I had to wait in the girl's bathroom for 45 minutes for a random girl to give me a spare. FML.

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

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By ForeverEmbarrassed - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

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Top comments

By Lizo_fml | 0

#63325 - Friday 27 March 2009 22:23

send em and i'll be the judge of that

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3719085 - Monday 12 December 2011 7:52

You sound like a bitch.

COMMENTS

By ah_haha | 0

#451 - Saturday 7 February 2009 4:10

is your mum Madonna??

Reply

MetallicaRules19 | 4

#1464015 - Monday 27 September 2010 13:22

brisbane ftw i live in logan lol

By jim_witness | 0

#24957 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:48

Is your mom Danielle Steele??

By Lizo_fml | 0

#63325 - Friday 27 March 2009 22:23

send em and i'll be the judge of that

Reply

myfruitloop | 0

#2428619 - Friday 29 April 2011 9:36

pics or it didn't happen?

By xTiDWoPx | 0

#263662 - Thursday 4 June 2009 3:35

Attractive

By paleknight47 | 0

#328847 - Monday 22 June 2009 4:45

Haha I would throw up excessivly if... Ugh I can't even... Imagine and I really don't want to LOL

By happygoluckyhh | 0

#337243 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 21:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3719085 - Monday 12 December 2011 7:52

You sound like a bitch.

Reply

IconicFML | 9

#5895725 - Tuesday 25 March 2014 21:19

Well first off, OP was stating her mom was being "provocative" not "proactive"..…

Reply

idoc300 | 11

#5931059 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 23:18

You're*

By KonM4N4Life | 0

#354488 - Tuesday 30 June 2009 10:45

Ewww on so many levels..

By xSceneSceneBabyx | 0

#403938 - Friday 17 July 2009 6:54

holy sh!t. I feel SO bad for you!

By GodOfBeer | 5

#425541 - Friday 24 July 2009 18:50

share em!

By spaghetti542 | 0

#728034 - Sunday 20 December 2009 7:13

Pics or it DIDNT HAPPEN!!! (had to say it)

Reply

Madelinexo | 6

#2840845 - Thursday 7 July 2011 20:44

WTF is wrong with you?