Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent... - FML

By scarred4life - 18/1/2009 19:18 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23080

You deserved it

2072

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Don't you know that you're toxic?

This ain't working out

By moms know best??? - 27/7/2013 21:41 - Canada - Morinville

Neat

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58672

You deserved it

4628

Tweet

Share

By college will be fun they said - 15/9/2017 19:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was running late to class and slipped down a staircase. Not only did nobody help me, but when I got up I noticed an old man staring at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3510

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By Lissa - 10/9/2019 20:00

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

472

Tweet

Share

By Jack - 9/8/2016 00:23 - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13889

You deserved it

1334

Tweet

Share

By mrboston - 1/9/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11583

You deserved it

42932

Tweet

Share

By jonhapimp - 21/8/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31865

You deserved it

2451

Tweet

Share

By MIB thingy please... - 5/2/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43800

You deserved it

5532

Tweet

Share

By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31256

You deserved it

6754

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43877

You deserved it

6375

Tweet

Share

By S - 9/1/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31229

You deserved it

5729

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/11/2012 05:00 - United States - Casselberry

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20865

You deserved it

5051

Tweet

Share

By whydoidothis - 3/10/2014 11:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33432

You deserved it

3965

Tweet

Share

By FarmerGirl - 9/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32014

You deserved it

3665

Tweet

Share

By bleach - 24/3/2013 05:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41104

You deserved it

13076

Tweet

Share

By -_- - 12/1/2014 08:03 - United States

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54330

You deserved it

4893

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 06:37 - United States

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51601

You deserved it

4823

Tweet

Share

By shots shots shots - 12/2/2013 07:41 - United States - Redlands

Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27298

You deserved it

2967

Tweet

Share

By Canonlizardjet - 13/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard Canon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6468

You deserved it

556

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 18:00

Cool

Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/7/2013 14:31 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62294

You deserved it

4242

Tweet

Share

By TehUglyLife - 29/7/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44826

You deserved it

14110

Tweet

Share

By notgoth - 27/7/2014 22:17 - Netherlands - Rijen

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44390

You deserved it

8341

Tweet

Share

By bandit99999 - 19/8/2011 18:59 - United States

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29946

You deserved it

2818

Tweet

Share

By JillianJuneBug - 17/8/2019 18:00

Mexican Standoff

Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1371

You deserved it

572

Tweet

Share

By Madokami - 30/1/2017 11:37 - United States - Kingston

Today, a customer became irrationally angry and called me a "stupid bitch", all because she couldn't use the coupon clearly marked "30% off grocery items" on a prescription from our pharmacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6630

You deserved it

345

Tweet

Share

By sostupid - 10/10/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17749

You deserved it

50992

Tweet

Share

By seriouslylife? - 26/9/2018 03:00

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3475

You deserved it

338

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/1/2013 05:39 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32777

You deserved it

6308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2012 06:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25777

You deserved it

2003

Tweet

Share

By secretsant4 - 3/11/2017 14:00

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3766

You deserved it

439

Tweet

Share

By ohman - 2/10/2010 06:28 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

33490

You deserved it

5822

Tweet

Share

By Mr.Hoof-In-Mouth - 13/8/2017 13:00

Today, I was talking to a customer needing IT help. I make small talk about how my birthday is on the same day the Boy Scouts were formed, and I tell the customer I am sure something interesting happened on his birthday. He gets quiet, then gives his birthday. September11th. Cue the long silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4170

You deserved it

716

Tweet

Share

By Kerlane - 5/12/2008 03:45 - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24386

You deserved it

5254

Tweet

Share

By lulu - 11/2/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30171

You deserved it

4687

Tweet

Share

By - 25/2/2020 22:00

Her revenge

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

688

Tweet

Share

By Elizabeth Ann - 12/7/2020 08:01

Boom!

Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1469

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By oopsydaisy - 7/3/2017 11:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6612

You deserved it

600

Tweet

Share

By Mimo - 23/6/2016 10:18 - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14504

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1967

Tweet

Share

By Vandrefalk - 1/3/2012 00:09 - Norway

Today, I got myself an organ donor card, just to feel wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23856

You deserved it

5330

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 03:25 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26226

You deserved it

1584

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lizo_fml | 0

#63325 - Friday 27 March 2009 22:23

send em and i'll be the judge of that

By THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3719085 - Monday 12 December 2011 7:52

You sound like a bitch.

COMMENTS

By ah_haha | 0

#451 - Saturday 7 February 2009 4:10

is your mum Madonna??

Reply

MetallicaRules19 | 4

#1464015 - Monday 27 September 2010 13:22

brisbane ftw i live in logan lol

By jim_witness | 0

#24957 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:48

Is your mom Danielle Steele??

By Lizo_fml | 0

#63325 - Friday 27 March 2009 22:23

send em and i'll be the judge of that

Reply

myfruitloop | 0

#2428619 - Friday 29 April 2011 9:36

pics or it didn't happen?

By xTiDWoPx | 0

#263662 - Thursday 4 June 2009 3:35

Attractive

By paleknight47 | 0

#328847 - Monday 22 June 2009 4:45

Haha I would throw up excessivly if... Ugh I can't even... Imagine and I really don't want to LOL

By happygoluckyhh | 0

#337243 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 21:19

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3719085 - Monday 12 December 2011 7:52

You sound like a bitch.

Reply

IconicFML | 9

#5895725 - Tuesday 25 March 2014 21:19

Well first off, OP was stating her mom was being "provocative" not "proactive"..…

Reply

idoc300 | 11

#5931059 - Wednesday 30 April 2014 23:18

You're*

By KonM4N4Life | 0

#354488 - Tuesday 30 June 2009 10:45

Ewww on so many levels..

By xSceneSceneBabyx | 0

#403938 - Friday 17 July 2009 6:54

holy sh!t. I feel SO bad for you!

By GodOfBeer | 5

#425541 - Friday 24 July 2009 18:50

share em!

By spaghetti542 | 0

#728034 - Sunday 20 December 2009 7:13

Pics or it DIDNT HAPPEN!!! (had to say it)

Reply

Madelinexo | 6

#2840845 - Thursday 7 July 2011 20:44

WTF is wrong with you?