Health: Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23132

You deserved it

2300

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Dementia or hate? You decide

Now you know

By ohshootgirl - United States

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11954

You deserved it

28027

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25625

You deserved it

1871

Tweet

Share

By Thescarlettfox

Alexa, play "Jump" by Van Halen

Today, I had the brilliant idea of jumping off a swing at its highest point. I can now add two things to my list of accomplishments: making out with a tree and breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

525

You deserved it

1307

Tweet

Share

By FMLdude - Australia - Bexley

Scammed

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45158

You deserved it

4960

Tweet

Share

By f*ck - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

8278

You deserved it

97795

Tweet

Share

By sadgf - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54624

You deserved it

6097

Tweet

Share

By sicky - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22288

You deserved it

1406

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29840

You deserved it

20986

Tweet

Share

By boo8713 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30373

You deserved it

2849

Tweet

Share

By mugged - United States

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40328

You deserved it

4820

Tweet

Share

By sickandtiredofit - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41160

You deserved it

3090

Tweet

Share

By notsexy - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55619

You deserved it

8409

Tweet

Share

By punchedhelper - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25141

You deserved it

4065

Tweet

Share

By hairy - Serbia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24445

You deserved it

13771

Tweet

Share

By joeshmoe - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34235

You deserved it

25696

Tweet

Share

By explosivepeach - United States - Silver Spring

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26561

You deserved it

5868

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Easley

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18644

You deserved it

5222

Tweet

Share

By denae92

Great timing

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1761

You deserved it

190

Tweet

Share

By areyouserious - United States

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11507

You deserved it

37072

Tweet

Share

By ricky the sage - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46289

You deserved it

3356

Tweet

Share

By thefuckman - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23461

You deserved it

1590

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

One-sided

Today, after I spent quite some time getting thoughtful gifts for my friend and her kids ahead of their visit, she made a big fuss about how she'd "forgotten" to bring the gift she'd bought for me. Later, she casually admitted that she'd intentionally not bought me anything because she, "didn't think I'd need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

885

You deserved it

85

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Cura?ao

Fake news

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40242

You deserved it

3445

Tweet

Share

By butchapparently

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26625

You deserved it

2207

Tweet

Share

By Sal - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29263

You deserved it

2477

Tweet

Share

By puppydrama - United States

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40898

You deserved it

2913

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39900

You deserved it

3779

Tweet

Share

By fmjob - United States

Today, I got a raise. A 10 cent raise. I have worked at my job for over 3 years. I now make 20 cents more an hour than people that have only worked there 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44493

You deserved it

3973

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32638

You deserved it

13325

Tweet

Share

By crushed - 23/5/2020 02:00

What about me?

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1597

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By FuckingDone - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14023

You deserved it

1083

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56558

You deserved it

4119

Tweet

Share

By AngryLittleMan - United States

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27505

You deserved it

2187

Tweet

Share

By TheHam - Sweden

Restrictions

Today, the school called my dad telling him they want to put me on a diet, because they're worried about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1342

You deserved it

587

Tweet

Share

By bigvic780

Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3444

You deserved it

760

Tweet

Share

By Iahim

The truth

Today, I tried to prank my girlfriend. I said, “I saw you kissing another guy!” She apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2260

You deserved it

652

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Inverness

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15195

You deserved it

1195

Tweet

Share

By brhorton02 - United States

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22425

You deserved it

166246

Tweet

Share

By maxiflouf - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23734

You deserved it

2906

Tweet

Share

By atleastshelldiefirst - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26859

You deserved it

1780

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jesterinperil | 28

#6426443 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:26

I cringed reading this, I can only imagine your reaction when it happened. Bandage it up, and may your pain be short and negligible. Sorry this happened OP!

By ihpp | 22

#6426454 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:28

that's happened to me!
I hope you recover quickly! ps: keep it bandaged so you keep it protected!

COMMENTS

By jesterinperil | 28

#6426443 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:26

I cringed reading this, I can only imagine your reaction when it happened. Bandage it up, and may your pain be short and negligible. Sorry this happened OP!

By OysterPearls | 33

#6426444 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:26

I guess going toe-to-toe with your nail clippers wasn't a good idea.

By glimmer980 | 20

#6426447 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:26

Owwwwwww! that must have really hurt OP!

Reply

pooldude | 24

#6426522 - Sunday 4 October 2015 7:52

Yeah, that's what being in agony means...

By nishimehta | 21

#6426448 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:27

ugh! Op are you alright?!! It's damn painful though!!! Samething happened with me too. It's disgusting!!!!

By ChaiseT | 16

#6426449 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:27

Toetally painful OP

By ihpp | 22

#6426454 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:28

that's happened to me!
I hope you recover quickly! ps: keep it bandaged so you keep it protected!

By christinamarie17 | 29

#6426466 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:33

I highly advise against ever becoming a pedicurist. On second thought, probably best to steer clear from giving manicures as well.

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6426603 - Sunday 4 October 2015 11:50

Who's asking to become one? I think I can cut my nails without labeling that as a manicure/pedicure.

By thejonac | 21

#6426468 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:35

next time try to double-clip the part you wish to clip to ensure they're detached from the rest of the nail before pulling it out, it works :)

By ohSNAPyall | 26

#6426470 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:36

Which toe?

Reply

miazangl | 13

#6426528 - Sunday 4 October 2015 7:59

That's relevant because?

Reply

lukian_fml | 29

#6426536 - Sunday 4 October 2015 8:22

Not relevant because the OP clearly only has one toe.

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6426925 - Sunday 4 October 2015 20:24

22, that's how it's written, yes.

And it's relevant because I think this would be a lot worse for a big toe than a pinky toe.

By BoxFullOfLazy | 25

#6426478 - Sunday 4 October 2015 6:46

Sorry OP. I've had that happen with my little toe nail. Take Tylenol and soak it twice a day in hydrogen peroxide to keep it clean.