Today, I did slightly below average on my programming project. Aside from it being unnecessarily difficult, I also couldn't focus on it due to problems at home. After I confided in my colleague about it, I heard him mutter, "I knew women were crappy programmers". FML
Today, I went to a salon to have my eyebrows waxed. During the application the woman sneezed. The wax is not water based, so no matter what they tried, it would not come out of my eyebrows. I now have to decide whether leave the noticeable brown wax in my eyebrows or wax them all off and draw them in. FML
lat187 tells us more.
Top comment wins: I now have two mustaches on my face!! She sneezed away from me, thankfully not in my face. I felt the wax go everywhere. For some reason her gut reaction was to put the waxing paper on my eyebrow. Which made things a lot more difficult because they couldn't get to the wax. So they had to pick at the paper and peel that off the best they could. They tried warm compresses, and I'm not sure what different solvents they tried, but they did not work. My eye/face was getting so irritated I finally just told them I needed to leave. My friend helped me with baby oil which after a lot of patience worked. I'm still missing some parts. Thankfully they already called to offer me some various complimentary services.
Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML
Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML
Today, after our flight got cancelled back home, I called the airline to work out a replacement flight. I sat in hold for 2 hours waiting as patiently as I could. Then, the automated voice says, "There are no available agents. Good bye." FML
LordBubbleWrap tells us more.
OP here. yeah i flew into a fit of rage which resulted in angry snow shoveling. I get that the airlines were busy but being hung up on by microsoft Sam was just to much.
Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML
Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML
Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML
Today, I was at a wedding. After videotaping the ceremony for a few minutes, my memory was full. I went to delete another video. I accidentally played the loudest video I had. No one was looking at the bride or groom anymore. FML
Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML
Today, one of my coworkers tried to convince me to be a model for his "foot fetish parties". I politely declined, just as I had the day before, and the day before that. This will probably continue every day, since our schedules are nearly identical. FML
kindasortayeah tells us more.
No, he hasn't seen my feet. I found out he actually has asked nearly every person in the store because he hosts private foot fetish parties for clients. Part of me actually pities the man because he's just trying to make extra money, but I would never ever consider being part of those parties.
Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML
Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML
Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML
Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML
Today, I was telling my dad that scientists had discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all BS and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML
Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML
Today, it's been three months since i went to my GP for a swollen foot. She sent me to a rheumatologist, a pulmonologist, vein ultrasound, DNA testing and finally an X-ray, which revealed I've been walking around on a broken foot. By now, the two bones are grown together at weird angles, forever. FML
DeeZeeMb tells us more.
DeeZeeMb 21
I wanted to comment on this early, because the FML 300 character limit doesn't really allow for a proper explanation... One day i suddenly started limping, and there was sometimes a strange clicking sensation in my foot as i was walking, but there was absolutelly no pain. A little later my foot was swollen, but still no pain, and i went to my doctor. She gave me Ibuprofen and sent me home. Obviously it didn't help with the swelling, so i went back. She gave me a stronger anti swelling medication, and sent me to the rheumatologist, since we couldn't figure out what was wrong. The rheumatologist gave me the strongest anti swelling medication they had, and sent me to the pulmonologist, vein ultrasound, urine tests, genetic blood testing and finally the x-ray which revealed two broken bones. The clicking sensation i felt during the first days was the two bones snapping back and forth while walking. I was in complete shock when i found out i had two broken bones in my foot, and even more so, when i realized they were grown back together allready, but far from perfectly. I immediatelly went to a traumatologist, but they said there was nothing they could do, that i would have had to come to them in the first two weeks. This actually all happened a year ago, and my foot is now slightly better, but still far from perfect. It is slightly deformed due to the bone callus that forms around the broken bones - it's pushing the healthy bones appart, making my foot wider than it should be. But this will go away, and i have high hopes that at least externally my foot will appear normal. As for walking, i barelly limp anymore, so i have high hopes for that as well. But fact is, my foot will never be the same again...
Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML
Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML
Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML
Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML
Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML
Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML
Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML
martinaaah tells us more.
Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML
Today, I went to the mall to pick up the 1 carat diamond my husband recently purchased for me after 6 years of being together. My mom called, I answered my cell. Later, I realized that the baggie with the diamond was no longer in my pocket. It fell out when I answered my phone. FML
jeffswife tells us more.
Lol! Despite all the mean comments, I thought I would clarify a few things. #1 I am completely aware that I deserved it. #2 The whole reason I had the diamond in a baggie in my pocket was that I had JUST picked it up from the store. We were not buying their solitaire mounting, because I already had another setting picked out at a different store. #3 My mom was babysitting my son, and had taken him on an hour long drive, so I was waiting at the mall for her to come back, she would call me when she got home. I went across the way to the Apple Store, and I was only there for about half an hour when she called me, and I took out my phone. #4 I don't own a handbag! I'm not a girly girl and I hate purses. The good news: I filed a police report to get the footage from the Apple Store. They caught the person who didn't turn it in. =P KARRRMA. They had already sold it, but my insurance is replacing it. Also, anyone who thinks this is something to get divorced over...you are ridiculous. =] My husband and I are very much in love, and we have a beautiful baby boy together. These are petty little things. Money comes and goes, and it is not worth fighting over.
Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML
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