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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Joe - 10/03/2009 00:26 - Canada

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 285

You deserved it 56 190

Parked out

By Anonymous - 05/02/2012 20:41 - Canada

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 282

You deserved it 5 079

Worst argument ever

By desigirl - 10/11/2015 01:03 - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 282

You deserved it 3 444

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 11:02 - Ukraine

Today, I found that windshield wipers on my car had been stolen. I bought a pair of new ones for around $10 but when I was trying to put them in place, I failed to hold a wiper holder and it slipped down on the windshield, causing cracks. Now I have to replace the windshield which will cost approximately $150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 281

You deserved it 7 244

Kolobok tells us more.

Kolobok 0

Wednesday 27 October 2010 13:17

Hi to all! I'M THE AUTHOR OF THIS FML :) Thanks for your votes and conversation! Some remarks: my car is Skoda Fabia (2002), windshield was Ok before this thing happened, and the windshield was cracked by the wiper holder (wiper arm), without a wiper itself. It of course didn't break into pieces - just the inferior layer of the glass got a "star" of cracks 10-15 cm each which are gradually growing :( P.S. In my country (Ukraine) average month salary is probably ~$250 and up to 1/3 of people live for half of that. P.P.S. I myself was surprised to see my wipers stolen as those old ones cost $3-4 max :) And I thought that steeling such things was left somewhere in 1990-s

By uninvited - 04/02/2016 15:16 - United States - Boston

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 279

You deserved it 1 757

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 279

You deserved it 62 426

By chieftain - 09/05/2012 19:34 - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 278

You deserved it 5 721

Freak out

By zAstonish - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 275

You deserved it 4 208

By lhazel - 17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 273

You deserved it 2 098

Dad!

By ScarredDaughter - 29/03/2016 05:01 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 270

You deserved it 2 002

By fuuu. - 19/03/2012 12:39 - Hong Kong

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 270

You deserved it 2 579

Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 267

You deserved it 8 582

By shilpajayseanfan - 24/02/2009 13:43 - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 265

You deserved it 54 636

By drurbanXVII - 25/05/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 262

You deserved it 49 360

By Anonymous - 26/03/2016 17:13 - United States - Antioch

Today, I overheard my mom complaining to her friends about her uncontrollable queefing problem. Excuse me while I find a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 262

You deserved it 2 344

By Anonymous - 22/10/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 262

You deserved it 5 177

By askprussia - 27/11/2015 02:32 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 261

You deserved it 1 532

By Ralph - 04/04/2012 03:02 - United States - Candler

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 261

You deserved it 13 340

By stillavirgin - 03/01/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 259

You deserved it 5 949

Touch grass

By furred - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Philippines

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 255

You deserved it 14 569

By ositsranielle - 13/02/2010 17:32 - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 253

You deserved it 8 209

By HT BaaFly - 07/09/2011 15:08 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 249

You deserved it 5 418

Knight

By Racked - 01/03/2016 18:00 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 248

You deserved it 1 929

By mosaicevolution - 03/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Decatur

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 244

You deserved it 16 935

By Kaylz - 07/03/2016 04:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 242

You deserved it 1 470

TMI

By PatientInWaiting - 19/03/2012 10:37 - United States

Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 241

You deserved it 2 495

By Anonymous - 24/08/2012 21:10 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 239

You deserved it 3 879

Eff off

By I'm over it - 16/01/2016 02:09 - United States

Today, I work 732 miles away from my wife and three children, and I rarely get to go home. After giving up many hours of family time to work on my last home visit, I returned to work only to have my boss accuse me of stealing time, dock me 50 hours, and "review" my employment for termination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 237

You deserved it 1 566

Steve McQueen would be ashamed

By thatsureshowedme - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I tried being rebellious for the first time in my life by sneaking out past my curfew. I tried to climb out of my bedroom window to stealthily leave the house. I ended up twisting my ankle when I tried to make my "great" escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 237

You deserved it 30 938

By downgirl - 04/11/2015 06:02 - United States - Norman

Today, I saw the pumpkin I had put out for Halloween was starting to get mushy. I went to put it in a trash bag when it slipped out of my hands and burst over my knee. My dog heard the noise, ran into the kitchen and attacked me out of panic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 236

You deserved it 2 387

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The Top

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 577

You deserved it 5 744

Today, my niece came to visit from out of town. It's also the day my partner tested positive for Covid. To minimize contact, I told her I would take her to the train station while he isolates. She refused. She then spent the day sitting as close to me as possible, hoping I was a carrier. She WANTED to catch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 145

Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 304

You deserved it 31 082

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 118

You deserved it 57 020

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 292

You deserved it 45 066

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 828

You deserved it 11 609