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We bent over backwards to make her comfortable. However, I'm not letting her have a say in my baby making. I'm 23 years older than her so she needs to be more respectful.

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 893

You deserved it 8 370

Never forget

By OhhhNooo - 14/03/2010 23:23 - United States

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 892

You deserved it 2 443

By pat - 09/03/2010 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fired from my job as a postman, which I started yesterday. They fired me because I failed to deliver a bunch of papers to a road that no longer exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 890

You deserved it 2 520

By Anonymous - 12/01/2015 01:14 - Australia - Attadale

Today, after listening to a group of my friends ranting on about how much they love babies and can't wait to have them, I got to witness their looks of horror and disgust as I expressed my desire to not have children. I also happened to be the only girl there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 889

You deserved it 3 738

By scars - 16/12/2014 15:01 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 889

You deserved it 3 668

By Anne - 29/04/2012 06:41 - United States

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 887

You deserved it 3 261

By Anonymous - 27/05/2011 15:44 - Romania

Today, I overheard a conversation between my boyfriend and his best friend about how to shave one's nuts completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 887

You deserved it 9 159

The scientific method

By really - 21/06/2012 05:30 - United States - Bonney Lake

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 883

You deserved it 4 843

By No O-face - 18/01/2011 03:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 6 449

By Me. - 23/07/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 5 543

Get out of my way

By toyotasmash - 07/10/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 3 557

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 13:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 881

You deserved it 20 263

By dogwheels - 20/12/2011 11:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 880

You deserved it 2 430

By Anonymous - 25/03/2015 19:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 879

You deserved it 4 961

By dadadoo - 06/02/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 877

You deserved it 3 336

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one-night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 877

You deserved it 3 699

By Anonymous - 17/01/2010 00:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 876

You deserved it 8 874

By 1000dollarspoor - 07/10/2009 09:25 - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 876

You deserved it 10 087

By WittyMoron - 01/07/2015 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, our family dog died. A couple of hours after the death, my mother-in-law slapped my crying five year old son over the head and told him to "Man up." She totally refuses to admit she did anything wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 875

You deserved it 2 194

WittyMoron tells us more.

WittyMoron 22

Thursday 2 July 2015 18:33

I told my wife that was completely unacceptable, and as some people said, I took the high road in not slapping her back. I began an argument with my wife about it, and it got a bit intense. I told her that her mother could not come back, and she got quite angry. I went into the living room and began to cry. This is what gets me. What she did taught him the wrong thing. My son came in, said "Man up, daddy!" and tried to slap me, but he's little so it didn't hurt. But anyway, I got even more furious that he had learnt something from it. The argument ensued. Things are a bit cold. Sleeping on the sofa now but I told my son it's okay to be upset. Buried the dog, and needless to say my MIL is not invited back for a little while.

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 874

You deserved it 5 454