The scientific method

By really - 21/06/2012 05:30 - United States - Bonney Lake

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks 33 759
You deserved it 4 818

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Top comments

zaksyak 1

You Can't?

You hit the jackpot there

Comments

theten_fml 9

Excuses to masturbate..

He's a keeper

18- he doesn't want her pregnant, he wants it to read positive.

Haha It was a joke, 50

littlecuntcats 6

How can it make sense? A pregnancy test looks for high levels of progesterone or estrogen, not sperm.

Bree12345 15

No shit.

89-- No. Pregnancy tests test for hcg.

No it actually looks for the hormone HCG which is released when you're pregnant. Not progesterone or estrogen.

ReptarRAWR23 0

111- Knows what's up!

G3K0 7

Does make sense..

Is it bad that I want to try this now?? Hrmm..

My soul just cried. People like this exist?

I've always wondered that

I'm pretty sure I'd punch him if he was my boyfriend... thats just stupid

Actually, a pregnancy test detects HCG, otherwise most females would test positive at different times in their cycle.

Actually a pregnancy test checks for Human Chorionic Gonadotropine (the pregnancy hormone HCG) levels as low as 20 mIU/mL. If it tested for Estrogen and Progesterone, then it would read positive for nearly all females regardless of child bearing ability.

You hit the jackpot there

Flick him in the balls.

Saryrr 3

Good reference.

Guys don't know this shit. Fuck. Bitches be crazy.

What a prostie....

So typical of a prostie*

zaksyak 1

You Can't?

Pretty sure a lot of people don't know how it works...anyone care to explain?? And I'm not talking abt just peeing on it.

Son. I think it is time we explain something to you. When a mommy and daddy love eachother very much they... Um.. I have no clue that's what I thought too...

user324234324 1

They work by picking up hormones released during pregnancy. It wouldn't work by detecting jizz since you don't even jizz into the urethra (pee hole).

rotflqtms_ 21

#s 25 & 51, A pregnancy test actually detects the hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), which is secreted by the embryo do that it can keep a pregnancy going. (Corpius Leuteum can keep secreting hormones and keep a woman from menstruating and shedding her uterine wall... In a MALE, the urethra (pee hole) combines with the ductus deferens (vas deferens) right after the ejaculatory duct, so semen does actually pass through the urethra (prostatic urethra, membranous urethra and the spongy urethra) Pre ejaculatory fluids flush urine out of the urethra before a male actually ejaculates so that there isn't urine in there when semen passes through it (as urine is too acidic and would kill the semen which needs alkaline (basic) pH to survive...  He was wrong to think that all you needed was semen (which includes sperm) even if you just had an unfertilized ovum, and sperm, you couldn't get the test to test positive. The fertilized egg needs to secrete the hormone hCG for the test to pick up traces of this and read positive...

rotflqtms_ 21

Um, I meant to say tha acidity of urine would kill the sperm... Semen is the fluid (sperm, nutrients etc) containing sperm. Sperm is the actual cell... It's hard to think properly while typing on an iPod... And I put do instead of so somewhere in there, and of course I missed a ")" I took too long to edit, and I know grammar nazis will hound me for doing that... iPods are not the easiest thing to type scientific things on... As they keep wanting to autocorrect simple words like unfertilized and turn them into underutilized... WTH???

asoptavlo14 6

Wow I honestly learn too many things from FML comments.

75, I think 51 meant that the male doesn't jizz into the FEMALE's urethra, so when she PEES on the test strip there's no JIZZ in there... Nothing to do with the guy peeing. (And, I think we all know that I guy pees and shoots semen out of the same hole... :/ what other goddamn hole would it come out of? His ass?!? Jeeze....)

A guy*** not "I guy"... Sorry.

rotflqtms_ 21

Oh, WOW!!! Thanks 112, I completely misunderstood/misread his comment. Into, not out of... But hey, you learn something new every day anyway...for all we know, there could be someone on this site who didn't know which hole... (though if they did, I would wonder if they were even old enough to be on this site...and if in the desktop version, in the intimacy section...) Okay, so half of my comment was irrelevant...

cheetahbaby96 8

75- Your comment is too long for me to thumbs it up! I have to scroll up to hit the thumbs and it disappears when I touch the screen. Ohhh the frustration!

75: Live long and prosper.

136-Swipe right to get the thumbs up, I had the same problem!

gracevet88 0

Pregnancy is sensed through hormones given off by the woman after the egg is fertilized

The_9th_Doctor 18

really?

2thetony 4

I need to try this later because op didn't say whether it worked or not :(

...trying to get your soon to be ex-boyfriend to stay with you?

4- Obviously no, and if you didn't know to begin with, it's implied that it's a no.

LO388 7

lol at 13's photo and comment together...

om102907 4

You REALLY have a keeper. Just wait until you have kids, they will put the 'SPECIAL' in special needs. My advice: "stop the cycle!!!"

From this post, I can tell that you're a keeper, too

TeddyB88 4

Seems like your one to talk huh. From the 47 year old guy that has a picture of a penis as his profile pic. I guess you can't outgrow being a hater smh.

you sir, are bloody rude. I'm special needs and neither of my parents were moronic. think about your comments before making them, you ignorant fool.

How the hell would that even work??..

22cute 17

It wouldn't! That's the point. Op's BF is a dumb-dumb, that's the other point.

Um, just insert it quickly!

6 - your picture fits the FML. :D

Aww you can have lil + and - running around

Thank goodness your boyfriend is not in possession of a uterus. Or else, this world would be one step closer to inevitable doom.

om102907 4

Agreed!

There's a thumb for that

No, there would just be more people.

I sure hope he does not reproduce.

Natural selection could sort this out..

Not in the modern world it couldn't. Natural selection has been replaced with government support and extensive medical care.

I'm sure we're safe from his future children. He seems to busy trying to get pregnancy tests pregnant instead of women :P

22 hit the nail right on the head. Anyone seen the movie idiocracy? That is where we are heading. Welfare cases and dumb asses are having kids like a fulltime job (especially since current gvmt will pay out like a fulltime job) while smart/successful people are waiting longer to have kids and may end up not being able to have any. Sad but VERY true.

16) or a gun. Guns work too.

68, Idiocracy is a work of fiction. It assumes intelligence is completely genetic and that humans are incapable of free thought away from anything they've been programmed with by their parents. Also, only the western world would risk following this trend, many other countries are still very much about education and life success rather than laziness and welfare children. Anyone who references idiocracy like it's a prophecy needs to consider which side of the fence they're really on.

oh god what did I just read...

Long story short, a guy jizzed on a pregnancy stick.